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Author Topic:   How do you remove a 30 foot tapeworm from your inside?
coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 1 of 47 (268931)
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


This is a serious question. I don't really know where else to put this, because I wanted this to be a short subject topic but short subject place is closed.
And since this is a science oriented forum, I figured that there should be sufficient number of people that know what to do with this situation.

Replies to this message:
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arachnophilia
Member (Idle past 1343 days)
Posts: 9069
From: god's waiting room
Joined: 05-21-2004


Message 2 of 47 (268936)
12-13-2005 6:06 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


the cookie method
every day for a month, you shove an onion and a cookie up your asshole.
then one day, you just shove the onion up there. when he pokes his head out to ask "hey, where the hell is my cookie, bitch?" GRAB AND PULL.

אָרַח

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by coffee_addict, posted 12-13-2005 5:56 PM coffee_addict has not replied

Replies to this message:
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 Message 6 by RAZD, posted 12-13-2005 6:50 PM arachnophilia has replied

  
macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3927 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 3 of 47 (268951)
12-13-2005 6:45 PM
Reply to: Message 2 by arachnophilia
12-13-2005 6:06 PM


Re: the cookie method
haha.
classy.
generally, there are medications for such things. i'd kill for a 30 foot tapeworm. it'd prolly lose me about 40 lbs.
my recommendation though is a lawyer and solid pre-existing recording contracts.
This message has been edited by brennakimi, 12-13-2005 06:47 PM

This message is a reply to:
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NosyNed
Member
Posts: 8996
From: Canada
Joined: 04-04-2003


Message 4 of 47 (268953)
12-13-2005 6:47 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


De worming pills
But preferably not the kind for your dog and definitly not the kind for horses.

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arachnophilia
Member (Idle past 1343 days)
Posts: 9069
From: god's waiting room
Joined: 05-21-2004


Message 5 of 47 (268955)
12-13-2005 6:50 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by macaroniandcheese
12-13-2005 6:45 PM


Re: the cookie method
my recommendation though is a lawyer and solid pre-existing recording contracts.
no no, that's how to KEEP a tapeworm from coming out.
trust me, if i could shove a cookie and an onion up my ass everyday for a month to get THAT to come out, i probably would. sombody needs to leak that stuff, now.

אָרַח

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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 6 of 47 (268956)
12-13-2005 6:50 PM
Reply to: Message 2 by arachnophilia
12-13-2005 6:06 PM


Re: the cookie method
completely ignoring the fact IIRC that tapeworms are segmented worms that can regrow from any segment, and their natural defense is to break.
I also recall that they used to sell segments in capsule for weight reduction.

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This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by arachnophilia, posted 12-13-2005 6:06 PM arachnophilia has replied

Replies to this message:
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mike the wiz
Member
Posts: 4752
From: u.k
Joined: 05-24-2003


Message 7 of 47 (268957)
12-13-2005 6:50 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


Oh I have to bite
How do you remove a 30 foot tapeworm from your inside?
......You can tease him with a girly worm. And if she's male, then your fu**ed.
How do you remove a 30 foot tapeworm from your inside?
Light a match up your arse and he'll shoot out your mouth.
How do you remove a 30 foot tapeworm from your inside?
If you're incontinent, Walk up a 30 foot flight of stairs without your underwear on.

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arachnophilia
Member (Idle past 1343 days)
Posts: 9069
From: god's waiting room
Joined: 05-21-2004


Message 8 of 47 (268958)
12-13-2005 6:52 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


in all seriousness
there's a kind of tapeworm that breeds in the waters of certain third-world countries. the people there tend to wait until it breaks the skin in the legs and feet, and wrap the head around a stick, and slowly wind it out. it's excruciatingly painful, and takes weeks.
dunno if there's a better way.

אָרַח

This message is a reply to:
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Replies to this message:
 Message 9 by NosyNed, posted 12-13-2005 7:05 PM arachnophilia has replied

  
NosyNed
Member
Posts: 8996
From: Canada
Joined: 04-04-2003


Message 9 of 47 (268962)
12-13-2005 7:05 PM
Reply to: Message 8 by arachnophilia
12-13-2005 6:52 PM


Not a tapeworm
This is, IIRC, a guinea worm. Much nastier than a tapeworm.

This message is a reply to:
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arachnophilia
Member (Idle past 1343 days)
Posts: 9069
From: god's waiting room
Joined: 05-21-2004


Message 10 of 47 (268963)
12-13-2005 7:07 PM
Reply to: Message 9 by NosyNed
12-13-2005 7:05 PM


Re: Not a tapeworm
oh yes, that sounds right.

אָרַח

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macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3927 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 11 of 47 (268968)
12-13-2005 7:12 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


Use more cloves with every meal. Adding some cloves to foods will help kill the eggs from parasites in the intestinal tract.
but seriously. go to the doctor.
This message has been edited by brennakimi, 12-13-2005 07:12 PM

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ringo
Member (Idle past 412 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 12 of 47 (268975)
12-13-2005 7:31 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


Here's me again with more questions than answers: How do you know it's thirty feet long?
There's some kind of Heisenberg thing going on here - if you can measure him, why can't you get him out?

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coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 13 of 47 (268988)
12-13-2005 8:04 PM


Um... for the record, this is just my curiosity talking. I don't have any parasite that big in me.
But like... some tapeworms can grow up to 30 feet long so I was wondering how the hell you get something like that out. If I have a choice, I'd prefer to be knocked out and they open me up to take it out. For it to go out my rear end.... um.... uh... I'd rather be unconscious the whole time.

Replies to this message:
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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 14 of 47 (268998)
12-13-2005 8:40 PM
Reply to: Message 13 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 8:04 PM


mouse
Build a better ....
trap???

This message is a reply to:
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Ben!
Member (Idle past 1398 days)
Posts: 1161
From: Hayward, CA
Joined: 10-14-2004


Message 15 of 47 (269014)
12-13-2005 9:19 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by coffee_addict
12-13-2005 5:56 PM


http://www.vaxa.com/693.cfm
It's more of an advertisement than reliable information... but they do have a section on tapeworms. They claim that pharmaceuticals exist for killing these suckers.
Specifically,
Tapeworms
Tapeworms (Cestodes) are generally the largest of the parasites. These segmented worms, containing 50,000 eggs within each of its 3,000-4,000 segments, can release up to one million eggs per day! Some tapeworms may live as long as 25 years and can quickly reach upwards to 10 meters/33 feet in length within the gastrointestinal tract. However, their larvae can be found in almost any organ, being capable of infecting other tissues in varying stages of its development. Parasites have survival skills which are beyond the capabilities of our Immune System, and that’s why they can generally live for years within their host.
and
What Can I Do To Get Rid Of Parasites?
Unfortunately, most available pharmaceutical drugs (parasiticides) are specific for only one particular parasitic organism. And most are generally not that effective because drugs target only certain areas of the body’s metabolism, or only certain stages of parasitic development. Parasiticides are generally very toxic, even in the small doses needed, and thus, must be used carefully. Because of the cunning survival strategies of parasites, and the fact that most are motile, they can quickly migrate from the area of your body that is being medicated, to one that is not, thus, making it almost impossible for effective and complete elimination.
Ben

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