Humor V

Doesn't the mere existence of Basil combined with our own insecurities cast fear into everyone? "What if I'm as dumb as ole Basil," we might think. "If I was that dumb then I wouldn't even know it. I could be speaking complete idiocies at this very moment and not even know it."I think I'll shut up now. --Percy

What makes you think people as dumb as Basil can even make those connections?

Worse. News. Ever But I'm for the Palin VP possibility!- Oni

Aw, what a shame, ole Basil was defeated, now you comedians are going to have to work and scrape for a living just like the rest of us! You had George Bush for 8 years, and just as you thought the well was going dry Sarah Palin comes along and showers you comedians with material. And you want Basil, too? Sheesh! On a related note, I bet all you liberals were surprised that Republicans were so astute as to give ole Basil only 0.5% of the vote. Bet you thought he was a shoo-in, huh!--Percy

Astute? He was just too moderate with his obligatory gun carrying policy.Now, if he'd said nukes......

Your sarcasm is noted, but not appreciated. Aw man, it was like seeing a unicorn, but only for a split second... Sure we were being greedy, but a gem like him only happens once every...well, any time a republican gets elected. I pray to all that is holy that Obama continues his shit parade, then bring on the right-wing nutjob! I have my notepad at the ready*. Well, it did disprove my theory that any retarded person, that is pro-gun and republican, would get elected in Tennessee. But, in my defense, I'm pretty sure whoever gets elected in Tennessee isn't gonna be that far off from Basil. - Oni *I'm one of the few comics that still writes in a notepad, most everyone else has some form of electronical device to speak into and a laptop to store material. I have 5 notepads. lolEdited by onifre, : No reason given.

Now I know you're lying. I saw the movie Funny People, so I know for a fact that's not true. --Percy

Ha! Quite right, they did have that in Funny People. But, Apatow and Sandler were both comics before laptops were popular - I think they wrote notepads in based on their experiences.These days the bar at a comedy club looks like a coffee shop with all the laptops. Everyone has their set list on their iPhone or Blackberry - (or whatever new phone is out this week). I'm old school!- Oni

I recently got this email in my inbox from "h.v.d.giesen1@kpnplanet.nl" .

quote:

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Hello I am Anderson.D Clinton i am in Iraq with the US Soldier i need your help to evacuate $5,000,000.( five million).contact me via email: darrellclintoncapt.anderson@yahoo.com.hk

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I normally ignore this type of email, but seeing how I've been blessed with receiving an email from quite a famous figure from the Iraq war, I decided to respond. I very quickly got a reply from "Capt.anderson Darrell clinton" title "get back to me".

quote:

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Thanks for your Urgent response to my email. You may be wondering why I choose to trust a delicate matter like this in the care of a stranger, but this is the best I can do in my present situation. My name is Anderson Darrell Clinton born in Rhode Island to a family of Four, Dad and Mum, myself and my younger brother Russell. My Dad die when i was only 7 he was an FBI and Mum later died when i was 15 she had terrible accident and died three days after in New York as she was working as a nurse in Lenox Hill hospital, I passed through the rank (Captain) at the Newport station in Rhode Island before i was deploy to Iraq. I would have trusted this kind of project in the hands of my wife who was my closest confidant, but I lost her during child bearing on 22ND April 2006, 10 months after we got married, and my only brother has ruined his life with hard drugs and presently in a rehabilitation home in Dallas, hence my decision to work with a neutral person if we can establish some trust between ourselves instead of confiding in my buddies back homes so that this little secret can be preserved If we can agree on some terms then you will have yours and keep mine until i return, then we can do this together. If i am fully convinced about you then we can discuss the terms and go ahead for you to receive the package(money). I will also agree to offer you 25% of this please you have to accept this from me of the total sum as your share in this transaction, Kindly forward to me Your name; Your Home Address; your telephone numbers, age, occupation and any form of your personal Identification with the requested information's it will help to facilitate the arrival of the package, and with your co-operation on this issue I know the packages would get to you in less than one week. I also advice you to please keep this issue highly confidential. There is a very secure way of sending this money out of here(Baghdad),and i will discuss this with you on my next email. Please do confirm to me if this is quite acceptable by you so that i can start making arrangements immediately. Please get back to me with the needed information's. I count on your understanding.

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Respectfully,
Captain Anderson Darrell Clinton

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Now, I normally am not that greedy. Just enough money to get me by day to day is usually good enough for me. But $5 million was just too tempting. But I'm also a very careful person and want to know better my business associates. So, I replied... Again, I very quickly got a reply from our veteran.

quote:

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Actually I found your contact particulars in an Address journal.And the money is not a stolen money and there are no dangers involved,My Brother who could have help is presently at Kings Park Psychiatric Center.All i want is if i could trust you on this.Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam's old palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us. No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me so with the help of a German contact working here and his office enjoys some immunity i was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of he package and believes that it belongs to an Asian American who died in an afraid before giving up he trusted me to hand over the package to his family. There is a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up. I will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. One passion the appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party should you have reasons to reject this offer please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us. I do not know for how long we will remain here but hopefully and before the year runs out,I have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help.All i want you to do is to send the necessary information that is your Name,Address,Occupation,Phone no and Age so we can proceed to the next level.

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Attached with the email was a picture. Now, I was convinced that this was the real deal. I was just about to send a reply giving him all my info so I could soon receive 5 million big ones. But then I had an attack of the guilty conscience. After all, I'm doing just fine and there are so many people suffering from the Iraq war. So, I decided to reply back with the following message. PS - Visit the following page to get the joke.http://www.peaceandjusticeky.org/DAnderson.htm

So, apparently giving him his mother's name and the phone and address of his organization didn't deter him. I just got the following email. Obviously, it's a very complex plan. What should I write back now?

quote:

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Dear Anita,
Thanks for your mail. However, my plans for getting the packages out of here to you is that, right here there are 2 UN contacts that I have to apply for and get a pass before they can be allowed to get on the shuttle flight. one of them that I will refer here to as fellow (A) he will be the one to get the packages from the apartment in the diplomatic village, over to Baghdad international airport, and also process and secure a clearance for the packages, after it is tagged, it will be kept in the UN departures cargo store, and that is as good as the packages being in London, when it gets to either of the airport, it will be sorted out at the hanger into the waiting UN truck with other luggage’s, and off to the UN liaison office, and fellow "A" will get it out from there and hand same over to Fellow "B" who is Mr. John Ruggie(The UN contact).

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Fellow '"A" does not know the real contents of the packages, and believes it belongs to a late US soldier Staff Sgt.Richard A.Chan, 34 of Plainfield Ind, he died in Al Khalidiyah Iraq, when he was shot by enemy small arms fire during dismounted combat patrol operations, and he trusted me to hand over the packages to his relative(you) Fellow "B" has helped to deliver for 2 of my colleagues some couple of weeks back, and will be the one to guide you until you secure the package and the money.

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Your role in this project is to follow the directive of fellow "B" (In charge of UN operation) who will work with you to deliver the package to you mind you all expenses I have provided to the UN contact. It will be your duty to make sure that you co-operate with the UN contact to deliver the package for you. The UN group will only handle the movement of the packages from Iraq to London and then get the packages sent to you, while the courier company in UK will take over the carriage /delivery to you, and they are the people you will need to establish a contact with. I have already commenced the process from here.

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AT THIS POINT I WILL NEED YOUR COMPLETE CONFIDENCE OTHERWISE MY TOTAL EFFORT WILL BE IN VAIN. Please you have to do your best to make sure the packages are delivered to you. Once again i want to let you know there would be no risk involved I have taken care of every step. The packages will depart Baghdad International Airport on Monday Night, August 9th, 2010 tonight and will arrive London on Tuesday August 10th, 2010, I have attached your home address and your name as the relative to the late officer (Staff Sgt. Richard A. Chan) upon arrival in London fellow "A" will handover to fellow "B" and fellow "B" will contact you for delivery, all that I will require from you is your total co-operation and nothing else. As I write this email to you I have made contact to get clearance for the package to move from the diplomatic village.
Right now I have been given the contact details of contact "B" who is in charge of the UN operations in London, I advise that you contact him right away and inform him that you are expecting 2 packages coming in from Iraq and that they are personal effects of your late relative who died in active service please do not for any reason disclose the contents in the packages to him, his email address is: mr_johnruggie.un-diplomaticservices@discuz.org and his name is Mr. John Ruggie, please go ahead and contact him immediately with your personal details. I have forwarded your contact details to be tagged immediately for evacuation.

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Hi Taz,You might like to look here for inspiration. Scam o Rama
See if you too can get a picture like this; "I am expert cock handler. Please see me for cock service." Mutate and SurviveEdited by Granny Magda, : No reason given.Edited by Granny Magda, : Whoops! Forgot link!

Make up some reason why you don't want to go ahead with his plan, but mention that the non-profit you work for is looking for representatives in Iraq to disburse aid money, and does he know anyone in Iraq that could be their representative there. If this person can make his way to Baqubah (dangerous place, even for Iraq) then the funds and instructions can made available there.The guy's IP address should be stashed in his email header somewhere, so you should be able to check where his email is really coming from.--Percy

That's why I'm immune to scammers: I'm not smart enough to understand the plan (or card games). Invite him to help you rob a casino in Las Vegas. Ask him if he has nine buddies who are interested.Whatever you do, don't go to Iraq because you'll wind up having to take a group of refugees across the border into Iran and that isn't as easy as it sounds.

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Life is like a Hot Wheels car. Sometimes it goes behind the couch and you can't find it.

That's the point. The plan isn't really a plan. It's just written to make it sound really complex to confuse the victim. If the victim is dumb enough to fall for it, then chances are the victim will be too embarrassed to say "I don't understand the plan".

It's so crazy, it just might work!