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Author Topic:   Humor V
bluegenes
Member (Idle past 2477 days)
Posts: 3119
From: U.K.
Joined: 01-24-2007


Message 196 of 647 (578390)
09-01-2010 5:02 PM
Reply to: Message 195 by Omnivorous
09-01-2010 4:51 PM


Re: Woody
Omnivorous writes:
Hopefully they call him Woody for a reason, and he has something to live for...
A history of having just one child, and that one requiring an immaculate conception, doesn't sound too promising in the hardware department.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 195 by Omnivorous, posted 09-01-2010 4:51 PM Omnivorous has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 198 by Omnivorous, posted 09-01-2010 5:31 PM bluegenes has replied

onifre
Member (Idle past 2950 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 197 of 647 (578403)
09-01-2010 5:31 PM
Reply to: Message 190 by Taz
08-31-2010 9:51 PM


Re: How women treat men
Very funny, Thanks for the video.
- Oni
Edited by onifre, : No reason given.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 190 by Taz, posted 08-31-2010 9:51 PM Taz has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


Message 198 of 647 (578404)
09-01-2010 5:31 PM
Reply to: Message 196 by bluegenes
09-01-2010 5:02 PM


Re: Woody

This message is a reply to:
 Message 196 by bluegenes, posted 09-01-2010 5:02 PM bluegenes has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 199 by bluegenes, posted 09-01-2010 5:59 PM Omnivorous has replied

bluegenes
Member (Idle past 2477 days)
Posts: 3119
From: U.K.
Joined: 01-24-2007


Message 199 of 647 (578418)
09-01-2010 5:59 PM
Reply to: Message 198 by Omnivorous
09-01-2010 5:31 PM


Re: Woody
Omni writes:
And how about all those cherubim and seraphim?
Maybe what happens in heaven, stays in heaven.
Christian angelology - Wikipedia
quote:
Cherubim:
They have four faces: one of each a man, an ox, a lion, and an eagle. The ox-face is considered the "true face", as later on in Ezekiel the ox's face is called a cherub's face (Chapter 10). They have four conjoined wings covered with eyes, and they have ox's feet.
If Woody's been screwing around with oxen, lions and eagles, then all I can say is, and I hope I don't sound prudish, that I hope what happens in heaven definitely does stay in heaven.
Sounds like Woody's a Hindu god.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 198 by Omnivorous, posted 09-01-2010 5:31 PM Omnivorous has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 200 by Omnivorous, posted 09-01-2010 7:56 PM bluegenes has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


Message 200 of 647 (578465)
09-01-2010 7:56 PM
Reply to: Message 199 by bluegenes
09-01-2010 5:59 PM


Ollie ollie oxen free-o!
Whoa, Nellie uh...I hope that's a Nellie, though why I should seems obscure.
But we all know the real heaven is best illustrated by a northern European, blue-eyed Jesus with chestnut locks and Lolita-like cherubim. You're just quoting that clearly figurative language because you're a horned devil.
Meh. The snake gets all the best lines.
OK, I've played Woody's advocate long enough. I'm gonna go back to hanging with the pagans.
Edited by Omnivorous, : Lolita-like cherubim: same words, different order.
Edited by Omnivorous, : Gee, I wish I'd said cherubimbos.

Have you ever been to an American wedding? Where's the vodka? Where's the marinated herring?!
-Gogol Bordello

This message is a reply to:
 Message 199 by bluegenes, posted 09-01-2010 5:59 PM bluegenes has not replied

bluegenes
Member (Idle past 2477 days)
Posts: 3119
From: U.K.
Joined: 01-24-2007


(1)
Message 201 of 647 (578822)
09-02-2010 6:26 PM



Rrhain
Member
Posts: 6351
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 202 of 647 (578926)
09-03-2010 1:38 AM
Reply to: Message 155 by ringo
08-25-2010 12:42 AM


ringo writes:
quote:
That reminds me of a chemistry joke: orthodox, paradox and metaphysicians.
OK...now I have Allan Sherman in my head.

Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

This message is a reply to:
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rueh
Member (Idle past 3661 days)
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 203 of 647 (578957)
09-03-2010 7:54 AM


P311 Dangerous new element
Discovery Announcement ~ The densest element in the known Universe has been found!
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU.
Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.

Percy
Member
Posts: 22390
From: New Hampshire
Joined: 12-23-2000
Member Rating: 5.2


Message 204 of 647 (579109)
09-03-2010 4:32 PM


The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
When i began reading today's article in the Telegraph (Chile miners: drilling effort hit by unexpected delays) I thought I was just reading a summary of the technical problems involved with the rescue, and it did start out that way, but then it took an unexpected turn. Enjoy.
Tensions meanwhile are rising above ground as wives and mistresses of the 33 miners trapped deep within the San Jose mine make rival claims for compensation.
Authorities at Camp Hope have had to deal with a rush of women coming forward claiming to be first in the Chilean miners' affections in order to receive government handouts.
At least five wives have been forced to come face to face with mistresses whose existence was kept from them by their husbands, who have been trapped more than 2,300ft below since a cave-in on August 5.
One miner has four women fighting over him in an effort to claim compensation offered to the families of those facing months underground before a rescue shaft can reach them.
Government officials are considering asking the miners to name those they want to claim the benefits entitled to them in a bid to solve problems on the surface.
"There has been a lot of conflict between women," admitted Marta Flores a Red Cross worker at the makeshift camp where relatives wait for news of their loved ones.
"We had a big bust up in the canteen tent when a wife came across a woman who claimed to be her husband's lover — we had to step in and pull them apart before things got physical." At stake are welfare packages issued to the families of the trapped miners as well as future compensation claims that could run into tens of thousands of pounds.
"Unfortunately the conflict stems from money issues," said Mrs Flores. "Some of the men have children from numerous women and all of them have arrived here to stake their claim. I've met five families in this situation but I'm sure there are more.
"Some women turned up at the camp to discover that their partners already had a wife and children who they knew nothing about.
"Those that truly love their men have slipped away quietly not wanting to cause any more pain to the families but others are putting up a fight." Special welfare officers trained in marital issues have been brought in to provide help to women faced with their husband's infidelity.
One miner, who has not been named, has a first wife he never divorced, his live-in partner, a mother of a child he had several years ago, and a woman who claims to be his current girlfriend all visiting the camp.
"It's a logistical nightmare trying to keep them apart and of course they all want to send messages," said Mrs Flores.
The team of psychologists charged with ensuring the mental welfare of the men below ground are attempting keep such developments from the miners.
The men have reportedly settled into a routine where they wake up at 7.30am, have breakfast and report to the medical unit via intercom. They have a group meeting after lunch and then they read and write letters. Dinner is at 8pm and they go to sleep at 11pm.
--Percy

Replies to this message:
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onifre
Member (Idle past 2950 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 205 of 647 (579114)
09-03-2010 5:05 PM
Reply to: Message 204 by Percy
09-03-2010 4:32 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
We latins truly are ALL the same across the board!
Same thing happened to an uncle of mine; at his funeral there were two women crying. Who eventually got into a fist fight, at the funeral, over my uncle and who he really loved - Hair pulling, fists straight to beak, clothes almost coming off - Just two, old school, cuban ladies grabbing hair and blasting each other in the grill.
They were finally taken (by many men who also ate a few punches) outside and calmed down. They eventually started talking, explaning things to each other, realized it was my uncle who was the dick not any one of them, and let things go; he's dead and so be it....
...Until the third woman, also a girlfriend of my uncle, showed up. Then, in true latin fashion, the first two took turns kicking the shit out of the third one, together, like tag team partners.
We let that one go for a bit out of sheer amusement.
- Oni
Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
Edited by onifre, : No reason given.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 204 by Percy, posted 09-03-2010 4:32 PM Percy has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 206 by Theodoric, posted 09-03-2010 5:33 PM onifre has replied

Theodoric
Member
Posts: 9076
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 3.7


Message 206 of 647 (579122)
09-03-2010 5:33 PM
Reply to: Message 205 by onifre
09-03-2010 5:05 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
My great-grandfather in Puerto Rico was of a similar bent. We know of about 22 children he had, by at least 6 women.
When I was 14 we went to visit my grandparents in Puerto Rico. We went to visit my grandmother's (spanish is much easier to type that word) cousin in the country, where she had grown up. Her cousin wanted to introduce my abuela to a woman that was also a daughter of my abuelas father. My abuela went nuts saying that her father would have never have had sex with that woman's mother. I guess she even called the womans mother a slut and everyone in town knew she was a slut. The translation came from my PR cousins, none of the adults would tell us what was going on. Later on my father confirmed that was what was said.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 205 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 5:05 PM onifre has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 207 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 6:05 PM Theodoric has replied

onifre
Member (Idle past 2950 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 207 of 647 (579151)
09-03-2010 6:05 PM
Reply to: Message 206 by Theodoric
09-03-2010 5:33 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
My great-grandfather in Puerto Rico was of a similar bent. We know of about 22 children he had, by at least 6 women.
I really do think it has some biological connection to the caribbean and the way people behave in places wear not much clothing is required. I think, where people wear less clothes, they have way more sex. And the men in these places have an endless supply of gorgeous women, half naked all the time around them, to have their fill with. And, throw in poverty to the mix and the need for a man to take care of you, and you end up like your great-abuelo, or my uncle. The term in spanish is mujeriego.
People who's ancestors come from cold climates tend to not be as sexual, and this is purely speculative. But I notice, except for the fucking Duggars who are starting a new race of human, white people don't have as many kids as latins and blacks. They aren't as prone to the many mistresses deal, which is, sadly(?), quite typical amoung my peoples.
So, I really do think it's ingrained in our genetic make-up. Just don't try using that as an excuse when you get caught!
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 206 by Theodoric, posted 09-03-2010 5:33 PM Theodoric has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 208 by Theodoric, posted 09-03-2010 6:30 PM onifre has replied

Theodoric
Member
Posts: 9076
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 3.7


Message 208 of 647 (579157)
09-03-2010 6:30 PM
Reply to: Message 207 by onifre
09-03-2010 6:05 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
So, I really do think it's ingrained in our genetic make-up. Just don't try using that as an excuse when you get caught!
I am married to a beautiful, younger, professional woman who allows me to be retired at 48. I am not going to screw that up for a piece of ass. I can fight the genes.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 207 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 6:05 PM onifre has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 209 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 6:42 PM Theodoric has replied

onifre
Member (Idle past 2950 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 209 of 647 (579165)
09-03-2010 6:42 PM
Reply to: Message 208 by Theodoric
09-03-2010 6:30 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
I can fight the genes.
Says the guy living in Wisconsin.
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 208 by Theodoric, posted 09-03-2010 6:30 PM Theodoric has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 210 by hooah212002, posted 09-03-2010 7:32 PM onifre has replied
 Message 216 by Theodoric, posted 09-03-2010 10:41 PM onifre has seen this message but not replied

hooah212002
Member (Idle past 801 days)
Posts: 3193
Joined: 08-12-2009


Message 210 of 647 (579186)
09-03-2010 7:32 PM
Reply to: Message 209 by onifre
09-03-2010 6:42 PM


Re: The humorous side of the Chilean mining disaster
Says the guy living in Wisconsin.
Whoa whoa whoa there buddy. There are some hot fat bitches in WI. Just the way I like 'em.

Your god believes in Unicorns

This message is a reply to:
 Message 209 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 6:42 PM onifre has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 211 by onifre, posted 09-03-2010 7:39 PM hooah212002 has replied

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