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Author | Topic: Humor V | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
bluegenes Member (Idle past 2504 days) Posts: 3119 From: U.K. Joined: |
Omnivorous writes: Hopefully they call him Woody for a reason, and he has something to live for... A history of having just one child, and that one requiring an immaculate conception, doesn't sound too promising in the hardware department.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2978 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Very funny, Thanks for the video.
- Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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Omnivorous Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 6.9 |
That's not completely fair. So far as we know, only Mary claimed it was immaculate.
And how about all those cherubim and seraphim? Maybe what happens in heaven, stays in heaven. Edited by Omnivorous, : Angel added by edit. Have you ever been to an American wedding? Where's the vodka? Where's the marinated herring?! -Gogol Bordello
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bluegenes Member (Idle past 2504 days) Posts: 3119 From: U.K. Joined: |
Omni writes: And how about all those cherubim and seraphim? Maybe what happens in heaven, stays in heaven. Christian angelology - Wikipedia
quote: If Woody's been screwing around with oxen, lions and eagles, then all I can say is, and I hope I don't sound prudish, that I hope what happens in heaven definitely does stay in heaven.
Sounds like Woody's a Hindu god.
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Omnivorous Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 6.9 |
Whoa, Nellie uh...I hope that's a Nellie, though why I should seems obscure.
But we all know the real heaven is best illustrated by a northern European, blue-eyed Jesus with chestnut locks and Lolita-like cherubim. You're just quoting that clearly figurative language because you're a horned devil. Meh. The snake gets all the best lines. OK, I've played Woody's advocate long enough. I'm gonna go back to hanging with the pagans. Edited by Omnivorous, : Lolita-like cherubim: same words, different order. Edited by Omnivorous, : Gee, I wish I'd said cherubimbos. Have you ever been to an American wedding? Where's the vodka? Where's the marinated herring?! -Gogol Bordello
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bluegenes Member (Idle past 2504 days) Posts: 3119 From: U.K. Joined:
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Rrhain Member Posts: 6351 From: San Diego, CA, USA Joined: |
ringo writes:
quote: OK...now I have Allan Sherman in my head. Rrhain Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time. Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.
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rueh Member (Idle past 3688 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
Discovery Announcement ~ The densest element in the known Universe has been found!
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol of Pelosium is PU. Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
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Percy Member Posts: 22499 From: New Hampshire Joined: Member Rating: 4.9 |
When i began reading today's article in the Telegraph (Chile miners: drilling effort hit by unexpected delays) I thought I was just reading a summary of the technical problems involved with the rescue, and it did start out that way, but then it took an unexpected turn. Enjoy.
Tensions meanwhile are rising above ground as wives and mistresses of the 33 miners trapped deep within the San Jose mine make rival claims for compensation. Authorities at Camp Hope have had to deal with a rush of women coming forward claiming to be first in the Chilean miners' affections in order to receive government handouts. At least five wives have been forced to come face to face with mistresses whose existence was kept from them by their husbands, who have been trapped more than 2,300ft below since a cave-in on August 5. One miner has four women fighting over him in an effort to claim compensation offered to the families of those facing months underground before a rescue shaft can reach them. Government officials are considering asking the miners to name those they want to claim the benefits entitled to them in a bid to solve problems on the surface. "There has been a lot of conflict between women," admitted Marta Flores a Red Cross worker at the makeshift camp where relatives wait for news of their loved ones. "We had a big bust up in the canteen tent when a wife came across a woman who claimed to be her husband's lover — we had to step in and pull them apart before things got physical." At stake are welfare packages issued to the families of the trapped miners as well as future compensation claims that could run into tens of thousands of pounds. "Unfortunately the conflict stems from money issues," said Mrs Flores. "Some of the men have children from numerous women and all of them have arrived here to stake their claim. I've met five families in this situation but I'm sure there are more. "Some women turned up at the camp to discover that their partners already had a wife and children who they knew nothing about. "Those that truly love their men have slipped away quietly not wanting to cause any more pain to the families but others are putting up a fight." Special welfare officers trained in marital issues have been brought in to provide help to women faced with their husband's infidelity. One miner, who has not been named, has a first wife he never divorced, his live-in partner, a mother of a child he had several years ago, and a woman who claims to be his current girlfriend all visiting the camp. "It's a logistical nightmare trying to keep them apart and of course they all want to send messages," said Mrs Flores. The team of psychologists charged with ensuring the mental welfare of the men below ground are attempting keep such developments from the miners. The men have reportedly settled into a routine where they wake up at 7.30am, have breakfast and report to the medical unit via intercom. They have a group meeting after lunch and then they read and write letters. Dinner is at 8pm and they go to sleep at 11pm. --Percy
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onifre Member (Idle past 2978 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
We latins truly are ALL the same across the board!
Same thing happened to an uncle of mine; at his funeral there were two women crying. Who eventually got into a fist fight, at the funeral, over my uncle and who he really loved - Hair pulling, fists straight to beak, clothes almost coming off - Just two, old school, cuban ladies grabbing hair and blasting each other in the grill. They were finally taken (by many men who also ate a few punches) outside and calmed down. They eventually started talking, explaning things to each other, realized it was my uncle who was the dick not any one of them, and let things go; he's dead and so be it.... ...Until the third woman, also a girlfriend of my uncle, showed up. Then, in true latin fashion, the first two took turns kicking the shit out of the third one, together, like tag team partners. We let that one go for a bit out of sheer amusement. - Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given. Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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Theodoric Member Posts: 9197 From: Northwest, WI, USA Joined: Member Rating: 3.2 |
My great-grandfather in Puerto Rico was of a similar bent. We know of about 22 children he had, by at least 6 women.
When I was 14 we went to visit my grandparents in Puerto Rico. We went to visit my grandmother's (spanish is much easier to type that word) cousin in the country, where she had grown up. Her cousin wanted to introduce my abuela to a woman that was also a daughter of my abuelas father. My abuela went nuts saying that her father would have never have had sex with that woman's mother. I guess she even called the womans mother a slut and everyone in town knew she was a slut. The translation came from my PR cousins, none of the adults would tell us what was going on. Later on my father confirmed that was what was said.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2978 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
My great-grandfather in Puerto Rico was of a similar bent. We know of about 22 children he had, by at least 6 women. I really do think it has some biological connection to the caribbean and the way people behave in places wear not much clothing is required. I think, where people wear less clothes, they have way more sex. And the men in these places have an endless supply of gorgeous women, half naked all the time around them, to have their fill with. And, throw in poverty to the mix and the need for a man to take care of you, and you end up like your great-abuelo, or my uncle. The term in spanish is mujeriego. People who's ancestors come from cold climates tend to not be as sexual, and this is purely speculative. But I notice, except for the fucking Duggars who are starting a new race of human, white people don't have as many kids as latins and blacks. They aren't as prone to the many mistresses deal, which is, sadly(?), quite typical amoung my peoples. So, I really do think it's ingrained in our genetic make-up. Just don't try using that as an excuse when you get caught! - Oni
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Theodoric Member Posts: 9197 From: Northwest, WI, USA Joined: Member Rating: 3.2 |
So, I really do think it's ingrained in our genetic make-up. Just don't try using that as an excuse when you get caught!
I am married to a beautiful, younger, professional woman who allows me to be retired at 48. I am not going to screw that up for a piece of ass. I can fight the genes.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2978 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
I can fight the genes. Says the guy living in Wisconsin. - Oni
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hooah212002 Member (Idle past 829 days) Posts: 3193 Joined: |
Says the guy living in Wisconsin. Whoa whoa whoa there buddy. There are some hot fat bitches in WI. Just the way I like 'em. Your god believes in Unicorns
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