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Author Topic:   Humor V
dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 280 of 647 (582381)
09-21-2010 1:33 AM
Reply to: Message 279 by Dogmafood
09-20-2010 10:30 PM


Re: "I have a hobbit"
YES!!! Foul Play!!!!!! Reality follows Art!!!!
What was his name? Billy Barty? He had a role in Foul Play (1978, Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase). There's some big atheist conspiracy that she had stumbled into and she's warned about "The Dwarf" and an actual dwarf comes to her door trying to sell bibles -- he winds up in the hospital. OK, he's not the "The Dwarf", but he was a "halfling" selling Bibles.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 282 of 647 (582385)
09-21-2010 1:56 AM
Reply to: Message 281 by Theodoric
09-21-2010 1:37 AM


Re: "I have a hobbit"
Yeah, it's certainly an urban legend. But I still think that Foul Play should get its due credits!

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 421 of 647 (592624)
11-20-2010 8:04 PM
Reply to: Message 420 by frako
11-20-2010 6:24 PM


From the events of May 2005, wherein the Kansas school board tried to oppose evolution by incorporating ID -- Kansas evolution hearings - Wikipedia.
That graphic has been floating around since then. Most recently, my son's friend posted it on FaceBook.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 511 of 647 (595237)
12-07-2010 3:40 PM
Reply to: Message 510 by ringo
12-07-2010 12:50 PM


Re: Recent Exiles from the Garden?
Reminds me of when I was quite young listening to the story of Abraham wandering along the side of a hill gathering rock to build an altar. In my mind I pictured him tall and lanky with a dark beard, no moustache, and wearing a dark suit and stove-top hat. Like the only other Abraham I had ever heard of.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 516 of 647 (595307)
12-07-2010 10:17 PM
Reply to: Message 513 by Coragyps
12-07-2010 6:47 PM


Re: Recent Exiles from the Garden?
Dammit, dwise1, that avatar is a good 'un!!!!!
1968 head-shop vintage (actual button run through my scanner). Unfortunately, I had misplaced it when Return of the King was in the theatres, but I've relocated it now.
I have a few others in Tengwar which say such things as:
Gandalf for President
Johnson is an orc
Edited by dwise1, : how image obtained

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(1)
Message 593 of 647 (601523)
01-21-2011 12:40 AM
Reply to: Message 588 by Stile
01-19-2011 10:51 AM


Re: Religion is like a Penis
Yet another good one I won't ever be able to use. Like my favorite Redd Foxx line from an old "blue" party record he had made in the 50's or early 60's:
quote:
I swear to God and three other white men, ...
Only other routine I remember from hearing that album back in 1970 (paraphrased from memory, of course):
quote:
An old couple was sitting listening to the radio and a preacher came on announcing, "I can heal tonight! If you have some part that ails you, put one hand on the radio, your other hand on the part that ails you, and join us in singing 'Wade in the Water'!"
The old woman placed one hand on the radio, the other on her tired heart, and starting singing. The old man figured, "What the hell. I got nothing to lose.", placed one hand on the radio and slipped the other hand down to his lap and started singing along. The old woman saw this and said, "Abner! He said he could heal, not raise the dead!"

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 604 of 647 (602053)
01-25-2011 7:39 PM
Reply to: Message 601 by ringo
01-25-2011 4:51 PM


I thought it got too cold to snow there. At least that's how it was in North Dakota when we'd enjoy Canada's main winter-time export -- arctic air masses.
After 5 years in North Dakota, I'm back in So. Calif blisfully ignorant of where I had packed away my thermal underwear. Temperatures in the 70's all week. And nice and dry, too.
Edited by dwise1, : weather report

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 628 of 647 (603371)
02-04-2011 2:06 AM
Reply to: Message 627 by Taz
02-03-2011 5:53 PM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
This is personal, but with all due respect, sports is pure bullshit. And while Westboro Baptist may accidentally come out on the "good guys' side", they are still seriously deluded.

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Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 632 of 647 (603552)
02-05-2011 1:11 AM
Reply to: Message 631 by Taz
02-04-2011 11:27 PM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
Your message only served as a springboard. Feel free to disregard.
I was saying that those Westboro fools have for once picked a deserving target, even though for entirely the wrong reasons.
I can only hope that the idiocy this Sunday will not adversely impact deserving programming like that nonsense last October did to The Simpsons.

Football sucks!
Linc, Shall We Dance? (the USA remake)

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 634 of 647 (603558)
02-05-2011 1:33 AM
Reply to: Message 633 by Taz
02-05-2011 1:26 AM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
They got bumped out of their timeslots. So that the DVR recorded frackin' stupid sports instead of quality TV.
And it's already happening this time around too. The news has been replaced. Un-frackin'-believable!
PS
Looking for something, anything, tolerable to watch, I found Desperado on a movie channel. Got a chance to see Salmita. But then another guitar-case-toting assassin showed up who looked too familiar. Desperado was a sequel to El Mariachi, a purely Mexican production starring Carlos Gallardo as the mariachi who's mistaken for a guitar-case-toting criminal and ends up having such a strong instinct for survival that he kills the killers sent out to stop him. Gallardo's role was taken by Antonio Banderas in Desperado, but he shows up as one of two guitar-case-toting killers named Campa.
Edited by dwise1, : PS

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 636 of 647 (603564)
02-05-2011 2:41 AM
Reply to: Message 635 by Taz
02-05-2011 2:35 AM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
Yeah, right. Watching those hyper-padded tight-ass-fitting guys slapping each other on the butts is not gay? And getting to hold very close attractive women is gay?
{voice="Edward Blake, AKA 'The Comedian'"}Is that it? Is that what makes you hot? Those padded shoulders? Those tight butts? Slapping each other on the butt? Spending all your time with the guys and away from women?{/voice}
Yeah, right. Keep chanting that mantra. Stay in deep denial. Stay in those close "not-homo" male ... whatever rituals. While I get all the chicks. Keep chanting your "I'm not really gay even though ... " mantra as long as you want. I hold women in my arms and you slap guys on the butt. Are you starting to see the pattern here?
Sports is pure bullshit. "Sportsmanship" is pure bullshit and the height of hypocrisy; how you play the game means nothing whatsover, but rather that you win at any costs. I suffered through six fucking years of PE, so I know for a fact what the truth is! Having since then served nearly 35 years in the military, I wish so much that sports could follow the military model, but, no, training has absolutely no place in fucking stupid sports!
Edited by dwise1, : No reason given.

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Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 638 of 647 (603567)
02-05-2011 3:13 AM
Reply to: Message 637 by Taz
02-05-2011 3:07 AM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
So then the way to prove that you're hetero is to avoid all contact with women? Curious logic, that.
I have a pet theory that sexual orientation is based on pheromones (which would make it inate and not a "choice"). Personally, I do not like the smell of other men, but the scent of women is mind-boggling. I guess that you like the scent of men. What does that tell us?
In the meantime, back to the off-topic topic (this topic is, after all, about humor), sports is so mind-numbingly boring ... . I'm sorry, but I got so bored just then that I momentarily fell asleep. What kind of active mind could possibly stay engaged during such an assault?
Edited by dwise1, : No reason given.
Edited by dwise1, : No reason given.

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Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 641 of 647 (603578)
02-05-2011 1:08 PM
Reply to: Message 639 by Taz
02-05-2011 11:29 AM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
I was also married, for 28 years. Why are you married if you don't like to be around women?
And your social gatherings are nothing like I've ever seen. We would always mix, not segregate. Maybe if you had experienced normal social gatherings you would have developed more realistic views.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 644 of 647 (603622)
02-06-2011 3:11 AM
Reply to: Message 643 by onifre
02-05-2011 9:22 PM


Re: Westboro Baptist set to picket....
But sports rock, Dwise1. Wtf man?
"rock"? As in "sinks like a rock"? Sports are mind-numbingly boring. Even you need to go to a bar and get drunk to deaden your own brains and whip each other into a frenzy in order for it to hold your interest.
And I've known that sports are boring for almost my entire life, several decades before I started learning to dance. All it takes is a functioning brain.

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