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Author | Topic: Humour VI | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
Recent studies have shown a positive correlation between happiness and longevity. source Studies have also shown that we are reaching a population limit here on Earth.source
So conversely if people were a little less happy, than Earths population may begin to decline. Won't you take a few minutes out of your day to help save the Earth by telling someone to go fuck themselves? 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
Straggler writes: Happy now? No, thus you have done your job and helped to save the Earth. Good job. 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
God
said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adamsaid, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" Godsaid, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What'sa valley?" God explained it tohim. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's ariver?" God explained thatto him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...." Adam said, "What is ahill?" So, God explained toAdam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave." Adam said, 'What's acave?' After God explained,He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." Adam said, "What's awoman?' So God explained that to him, too.Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How doI do that?" God first said (underHis breath), "Geez....." And then,just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes downinto the valley, across the river, andover the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, inabout five minutes, he was back. God,His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam said....What's a headache? 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX |
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible... No wait...Sorry. I'm thinking of beer. It's beer that does all that shit . . . Never mind. 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX |
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
I love Steve Martin. Wasn't for sure to post this in the humor or the music that moves you thread. Enjoy.
'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
I don't think it has to be factually correct in order for it to be funny Thanks for the list of songs. I've never heard of Dan Barker, I'll have to check out his music.
dwise1 writes: As for Steve Martin's line of "atheists watch football ... " Nope, sorry, hell no! I'm not a believer! Obviously you've never watched LFL football . Edited by rueh, : My grammer sucks'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
LOL So enslaving just one wife is fine and dandy then. I can't wait to get home tonight and let her know that I won't be unlocking the handcuffs after all.
Edited by rueh, : No reason given.'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality. It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality. It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff |
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rueh Member (Idle past 3687 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame. You're not drunkif you can lie on the floor without holding on. We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"? The original point and click interfacewas a Smith & Wesson. A Fool and his moneycan throw one heck of a party Five days a week my body is a temple.The other two it's an amusement park. LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKESUSE BIRTH CONTROL Money isn't everything,but it sure keeps the kids in touch. Don't Drink and DriveYou might hit a bump and spill something. If at first you don't succeedskydiving is not for you Reality is only an illusionthat occurs due to a lack of alcohol. We are born naked, wet and hungry.Then things get worse. Red meat is not bad for you;fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyersgive the rest a bad name. Xerox and Wurlitzer will mergeto produce reproductive organs. Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOMATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY. The latest survey shows thatthree out of four people make up 75% of the population You know why a banana is like a politician? He comes in and first he's green, then he turns yellowand then he's rotten. I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors. The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-electedIs that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed. 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality. It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff |
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