Summations Only

In this exciting episode of "Things Rick Santorum Doesn't Know" he hallucinates a federal law: Because, er, freedom of speech? No, that can't be it.Well, that pesky federal law must be there somewhere. And it gives a great loophole for secessionists, anyone who wants (for example) a Republic of Texas just has to persuade a majority of Texans to spend a few days saying "si" and "gracias" to each other and by the mighty power of "federal law" they will apparently leave the union. Then they can stop. That whole Civil War thing was a complete waste of time.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

Ah, I see. The Republican Party is just a big conspiracy to keep a Democrat in office.Well, that's got to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard, just beating out "bananas, the atheists' worst nightmare" for the much-coveted crown.No-one needs to "brilliantly organize" the clusterfuck that is the GOP to make fools of themselves. They do it without organization. They do it for free. They're morons. And if it was brilliantly organized, Romney wouldn't be the front-runner. It would be Santorum. Or Bachmann. Or Chuck Norris.

Because ... they're ... morons.You don't have to organize people into being morons, they do it spontaneously.

I've been studying morons for years.It seems to me that the most parsimonious explanation for why people vote for Rick Santorum is that they are idiots who agree with the idiotic views of an idiot.

I may have been. However, it's curious that people only say that when one has an unusual hobby. Most people, I believe, spend their leisure hours slumped in front of a television. But when someone spends his spare time building a scale model of St. Peter's out of matchsticks, the world rouses itself from its television-induced slumber just long enough to cry as with one voice: "Doesn't he have anything better to do?" Then they go back to watching Jeopardy. Maybe, like me, you could pursue your hobby in your spare time. Unless you work sixteen hour days and seven day weeks on the cancer thing, this would seem to be feasible.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

"I don't care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn't matter to me."

So, Romney took Illinois, Santorum seems fair set to take Louisiana.Why is Newt Gingrich? What's he there for? It would be easy, indeed facile, to explain his candidature with the words "ego trip", except that in fact he must be taking a repeated pummeling to his ego as he finds out that everyone hates him because ... well, because he's filth, I think that's the main reason. He might well be ahead of Santorum if he wasn't such a sack of shit.So why is he still in the race?

Here's Romney's Communications Director on CNN: Hello, Mr Fehrnstrom? You don't say that in public. Yes, in private you can admit --- you can even gloat over --- the fact that your candidate is an unprincipled shill who'll say whatever will get him elected, but in public perhaps you should pretend that he's a man of character and not an empty suit.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

The share price of the company that wakes Etch-A-Sketch has tripled as a result of Fehrnstrom's remarks.Personally I don't think it's much of an advertisement. The slogan "Etch-A-Sketch --- It's As Much Fun As Mitt Romney!" isn't going to shift many units.

Themes which cannot be explored in less than 1500 x 989 pixels.

So for practical purposes that's it. Though we can still continue to mock Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich.The people have spoken. The guy the Republicans want for their candidate is the guy who they thought isn't as good as the guy who they thought isn't as good as George W. Bush, a moron. I'm sure they put as much thought into that decision as they did into every other decision.Obama will, of course, cream him, but that would be a subject for the Awesome American Election Thread ... pending.

She seems quite nice. Wait, what's the Republican for "quite nice"? Oh yeah, "Marxist". So no, you're not going to get her. Also, she supports the Girl Scouts, who have recently been added to the Big List Of Evil People. She probably has lesbian sex with Olympia Snowe. I have no proof of that, but sometimes I like to imagine it.

Newt Gingrich has promised to reassess his campaign if he does badly in Delaware today, raising the possibility that something mildly consequential might happen in Delaware.In the meantime, here's the ghastly sack of shit whining on about the sanctity of marriage, like he'd know: I like that "involved with Obama". Could he be more vague? Just to put things into context, Gingrich was speaking in favor of a law in North Carolina making gay marriage illegal. What's that you say, gay marriage is already illegal in North Carolina? Of course it is. But the biggest problem facing North Carolina right now is that gay marriage isn't double illegal, and this must be dealt with. Hence the nauseating clown making a public parade of his hypocrisy for what may now be the last time before he is swallowed up by oblivion and the grave, in which he will choke the worms.In other news, which I missed, Newt was bitten by a penguin. He has as yet made no public statement about whether the penguin was "involved with Obama", but it is surely significant that the bird is half black and half white.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

Michele Bachmann has announced that she won't be running for re-election in 2014. 'Cos she wanted to be President for at least four years, but two is enough for being a Congresswoman ... Sarah Palin's a great role model, isn't she?I'm sure liberals will find someone else to laugh at.

No. When Republicans tell you what to do, they're just passing on messages from Jesus. Serves them right for wanting affordable health care. Who do the American people think they are? They voted the wrong way and now they must be punished.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.