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Author Topic:   The Awesome Republican Primary Thread
Dr Adequate
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Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(4)
Message 782 of 1322 (655923)
03-14-2012 9:00 PM


Things Rick Santorum Doesn't Know, Part Jillion
In this exciting episode of "Things Rick Santorum Doesn't Know" he hallucinates a federal law:

In an interview with El Vocero newspaper, Santorum said he supported Puerto Ricans' right to self-determination regarding the island's political status.

"We need to work together and determine what type of relationship we want to develop," he told the newspaper.

But Santorum said he did not support a state in which English was not the primary language.

"Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law," Santorum said. "And that is that English has to be the principal language. There are other states with more than one language such as Hawaii but to be a state of the United States, English has to be the principal language."

Because, er, freedom of speech? No, that can't be it.

Well, that pesky federal law must be there somewhere. And it gives a great loophole for secessionists, anyone who wants (for example) a Republic of Texas just has to persuade a majority of Texans to spend a few days saying "si" and "gracias" to each other and by the mighty power of "federal law" they will apparently leave the union. Then they can stop. That whole Civil War thing was a complete waste of time.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
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Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(2)
Message 794 of 1322 (656016)
03-15-2012 3:58 PM
Reply to: Message 793 by dronester
03-15-2012 3:23 PM


Re: LOOK! Over here! Something shiny!!!
So what does this corporate "news" offer us? The current republican candidates are some of the most immoral and unintelligent freaks ever collected under a circus tent. However, I think the current republican candidates are, in fact, a brilliantly organized distraction to keep one of the greatest "republican" presidents in office.

Ah, I see. The Republican Party is just a big conspiracy to keep a Democrat in office.

Well, that's got to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard, just beating out "bananas, the atheists' worst nightmare" for the much-coveted crown.

No-one needs to "brilliantly organize" the clusterfuck that is the GOP to make fools of themselves. They do it without organization. They do it for free. They're morons. And if it was brilliantly organized, Romney wouldn't be the front-runner. It would be Santorum. Or Bachmann. Or Chuck Norris.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 793 by dronester, posted 03-15-2012 3:23 PM dronester has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 795 by dronester, posted 03-15-2012 4:05 PM Dr Adequate has responded

  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(8)
Message 798 of 1322 (656027)
03-15-2012 5:54 PM
Reply to: Message 795 by dronester
03-15-2012 4:05 PM


Re: LOOK! Over here! Something shiny!!!
But, don't you ever lie awake and wonder how SO many people are supporting these republican candidates? Romney? Gingrich? Santorum? Bachman? Just a little twighlight zone-ish? C'mon, admit it, I won't tell anyone.

Because ... they're ... morons.

You don't have to organize people into being morons, they do it spontaneously.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 795 by dronester, posted 03-15-2012 4:05 PM dronester has responded

Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 801 of 1322 (656058)
03-16-2012 11:58 AM
Reply to: Message 800 by dronester
03-16-2012 10:24 AM


Re: LOOK! Over here! Something shiny!!!
Well, unless you have a study about morons you can site, I think it better to not think so peremptorily.

I've been studying morons for years.

It seems to me that the most parsimonious explanation for why people vote for Rick Santorum is that they are idiots who agree with the idiotic views of an idiot.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 800 by dronester, posted 03-16-2012 10:24 AM dronester has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 802 by dronester, posted 03-16-2012 12:15 PM Dr Adequate has responded

  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(2)
Message 803 of 1322 (656076)
03-16-2012 12:51 PM
Reply to: Message 802 by dronester
03-16-2012 12:15 PM


Re: LOOK! Over here! Something shiny!!!
Oh, I see. Well, you certainly haven't been wasting your life.

I may have been. However, it's curious that people only say that when one has an unusual hobby. Most people, I believe, spend their leisure hours slumped in front of a television. But when someone spends his spare time building a scale model of St. Peter's out of matchsticks, the world rouses itself from its television-induced slumber just long enough to cry as with one voice: "Doesn't he have anything better to do?" Then they go back to watching Jeopardy.

As a matter of fact, you've inspired me. To hell with all my children's cancer prevention research! I'm gonna do what I always dreamed about; write that sitcom about a sassy robot.

Maybe, like me, you could pursue your hobby in your spare time. Unless you work sixteen hour days and seven day weeks on the cancer thing, this would seem to be feasible.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 802 by dronester, posted 03-16-2012 12:15 PM dronester has responded

Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


Message 810 of 1322 (656564)
03-20-2012 3:07 AM


Things Rick Santorum Doesn't Care About
"I don't care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn't matter to me."
  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 811 of 1322 (656733)
03-21-2012 3:00 PM


Why Is Newt Gingrich?
So, Romney took Illinois, Santorum seems fair set to take Louisiana.

Why is Newt Gingrich? What's he there for? It would be easy, indeed facile, to explain his candidature with the words "ego trip", except that in fact he must be taking a repeated pummeling to his ego as he finds out that everyone hates him because ... well, because he's filth, I think that's the main reason. He might well be ahead of Santorum if he wasn't such a sack of shit.

So why is he still in the race?


Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 813 of 1322 (656738)
03-21-2012 3:22 PM


Oh For Heaven's Sake
Here's Romney's Communications Director on CNN:

HOST: Is there a concern that Santorum and Gingrich might force the governor to tack so far to the right it would hurt him with moderate voters in the general election.

FEHRNSTROM: Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. Its almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.

Hello, Mr Fehrnstrom? You don't say that in public. Yes, in private you can admit --- you can even gloat over --- the fact that your candidate is an unprincipled shill who'll say whatever will get him elected, but in public perhaps you should pretend that he's a man of character and not an empty suit.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


Message 818 of 1322 (656877)
03-22-2012 6:51 PM
Reply to: Message 813 by Dr Adequate
03-21-2012 3:22 PM


Re: Oh For Heaven's Sake
The share price of the company that wakes Etch-A-Sketch has tripled as a result of Fehrnstrom's remarks.

Personally I don't think it's much of an advertisement. The slogan "Etch-A-Sketch --- It's As Much Fun As Mitt Romney!" isn't going to shift many units.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 813 by Dr Adequate, posted 03-21-2012 3:22 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


Message 828 of 1322 (657097)
03-25-2012 7:40 PM
Reply to: Message 826 by rbp
03-25-2012 5:37 PM


Re: Rick in Louisiana
Besides, the picture is only a waste, if you have no interest in the Republican primaries, the top candidates and their battle with each other.

Themes which cannot be explored in less than 1500 x 989 pixels.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 826 by rbp, posted 03-25-2012 5:37 PM rbp has responded

Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


Message 832 of 1322 (658878)
04-10-2012 3:22 PM
Reply to: Message 831 by saab93f
04-10-2012 3:10 PM


That's It, Then?
So for practical purposes that's it. Though we can still continue to mock Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich.

The people have spoken. The guy the Republicans want for their candidate is the guy who they thought isn't as good as the guy who they thought isn't as good as George W. Bush, a moron. I'm sure they put as much thought into that decision as they did into every other decision.

Obama will, of course, cream him, but that would be a subject for the Awesome American Election Thread ... pending.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 831 by saab93f, posted 04-10-2012 3:10 PM saab93f has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 842 of 1322 (658919)
04-10-2012 10:36 PM
Reply to: Message 839 by Artemis Entreri
04-10-2012 6:12 PM


Re: Vice Presidential material or is that materiel?
I'd nominate Senator Susan Collins myself, but I know the extremists want someone extreme.

She seems quite nice. Wait, what's the Republican for "quite nice"? Oh yeah, "Marxist". So no, you're not going to get her. Also, she supports the Girl Scouts, who have recently been added to the Big List Of Evil People. She probably has lesbian sex with Olympia Snowe. I have no proof of that, but sometimes I like to imagine it.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 839 by Artemis Entreri, posted 04-10-2012 6:12 PM Artemis Entreri has acknowledged this reply

  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(5)
Message 849 of 1322 (660337)
04-24-2012 7:05 PM


Fuck Off, Newt
Newt Gingrich has promised to reassess his campaign if he does badly in Delaware today, raising the possibility that something mildly consequential might happen in Delaware.

In the meantime, here's the ghastly sack of shit whining on about the sanctity of marriage, like he'd know:

Marriage between a man and a woman is at the heart of our civilization. Its a belief that is now under attack, yet its at the very core of defining who we are. Thats why I urge you to vote for the initiative right here in North Carolina. The chance to vote for a referendum to declare clearly that marriage is between a man and a woman. This is part of the same great process this year thats involved with President Obama, and thats involved with the whole danger of whats happening to our basic beliefs.

I like that "involved with Obama". Could he be more vague? Just to put things into context, Gingrich was speaking in favor of a law in North Carolina making gay marriage illegal. What's that you say, gay marriage is already illegal in North Carolina? Of course it is. But the biggest problem facing North Carolina right now is that gay marriage isn't double illegal, and this must be dealt with. Hence the nauseating clown making a public parade of his hypocrisy for what may now be the last time before he is swallowed up by oblivion and the grave, in which he will choke the worms.

In other news, which I missed, Newt was bitten by a penguin. He has as yet made no public statement about whether the penguin was "involved with Obama", but it is surely significant that the bird is half black and half white.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 850 of 1322 (700057)
05-29-2013 6:22 PM


Michele Bachmann has announced that she won't be running for re-election in 2014. 'Cos she wanted to be President for at least four years, but two is enough for being a Congresswoman ... Sarah Palin's a great role model, isn't she?

I'm sure liberals will find someone else to laugh at.


Replies to this message:
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Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 12672
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 2.4


(1)
Message 878 of 1322 (708272)
10-07-2013 10:40 PM
Reply to: Message 864 by Diomedes
10-02-2013 3:15 PM


Re: Congress FUBAR
By the way, considering the Right Wing is the one most likely to 'force' medical procedures on women, like transvaginal ultrasounds or tell couples who they are allowed to marry, are they also 'Authoritarian Socialist Pigs'?

No. When Republicans tell you what to do, they're just passing on messages from Jesus.

Or they notice when they attempt to visit a national park, renew a passport or attempt to collect social security in retirement.

Serves them right for wanting affordable health care. Who do the American people think they are? They voted the wrong way and now they must be punished.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 864 by Diomedes, posted 10-02-2013 3:15 PM Diomedes has not yet responded

  
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