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Author Topic:   A bit of help for my GF's thesis
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 1 of 10 (757317)
05-07-2015 9:05 AM


My girlfriend is writing a thesis so she can finally get her bachelors degree, what i need is a bit of proof reading of her synopsis that also has to be in English. I know its a bit bellowed out, but its her mentor that insisted that its so long winded.
I have discovered In my everyday practice as a student of tourism that the youth in the countryside have less events available to them as opposed to the youth in city areas, and often even though we desire events they are not available to us. My desire to change this, is what led me to compose this thesis, in which i have examined this theme.
I wanted to research if my area if the youth in my area are of the same opinion that in the countryside " nothing is happening", while cities always have "something going on" and if youths from other countrysides and cities agree with us. The research deals with the problem of lack of events and entertainment for youths in the countryside. The purpose of this thesis is to research events in the countryside and in cities from the perspective of youths. Concrete examples the Ribnica Vally and Municipality of Celje.
The first method in my investigation was an interview with 8 people, that where asked of their opinions on predefined arguments. The second method was a poll on those predetermined arguments that are attached to 6 hypothesis.
The first limit on my research was limited funds, and the second was the time people where willing offering their cooperation.
The results of my research have concluded that 85,11 % of participants from the Ribnica valley and 83,72 % of the participants from the Municipality of Celje agree with hypothesis 1. Participants also agreed with hypothesis 2, 93,62 % of the youths from Ribnica Vally, and 83,72 % from the Municipality of Celje. Participants also agreed with hypothesis 3, 80,86 % from Ribnica valley and 83,73 % from Municipality of Celje.
I will send my results to event organizers. I will also organize events based on my findings, as to positively contribute changes to event organizing. The practical use of my thesis is to help organizers of events on both researched areas and giving them guidelines for the future.
Key words of the theses are youths, events, Municipality of Celje, Ribnica valley, type of events.
In this thesis i have conducted interviews with a determined number of participants, created and conducted a poll that gave me many answer's and results - do the youth agree with the predetermined hypothesizes. I have concluded that the vast majority of youths agree with my hypothesis, and have so confirmed all of them. I have concluded that city areas have many events for youths while countrysides rarely have any )if any= events for youths. that events organized in the countryside should be more similar to those in the cities. That the youths do want more events for youths and i could go one.
I know the thesis is a bit pointless as the answers where obvious from the start but it is still better then the doctors thesis a guy had when my uncle got his doctorate. He found the optimal way of drying pumpkin seeds.
Edited by frako, : No reason given.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by NoNukes, posted 05-07-2015 9:28 AM frako has replied
 Message 3 by Stile, posted 05-07-2015 10:04 AM frako has replied
 Message 4 by Jon, posted 05-07-2015 10:25 AM frako has replied

  
NoNukes
Inactive Member


(1)
Message 2 of 10 (757319)
05-07-2015 9:28 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by frako
05-07-2015 9:05 AM


He found the optimal way of drying pumpkin seeds.
I can see some utility in the topic of the doctor's thesis.
I have discovered In my everyday practice as a student of tourism that the youth in the countryside have less events available to them as opposed to the youth in city areas,
Student of tourism?
General usage is that a 'practice' is a business. Surely no one is an everyday student of tourist, let alone a professional tourist. Also 'less events' should be 'fewer events'. I'd also recommend adding some kind of modifier for the word event to give some clue what the person means. Does event just mean entertainment event?
More seriously though, this synopsis does not appear to describe college level work. Yeah, there is more stuff going on downtown, and I suspect even teenagers have figured that out.
Edited by NoNukes, : No reason given.

Je Suis Charlie
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison. Thoreau: Civil Disobedience (1846)
If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. Frederick Douglass

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 9:05 AM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 5 by Jon, posted 05-07-2015 10:48 AM NoNukes has not replied
 Message 6 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 12:47 PM NoNukes has replied

  
Stile
Member
Posts: 4295
From: Ontario, Canada
Joined: 12-02-2004


(2)
Message 3 of 10 (757324)
05-07-2015 10:04 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by frako
05-07-2015 9:05 AM


I just went through and changed a bunch of grammar and spelling mistakes.
Updated a few words as well so that it flows a bit better in my mind. I'm no English major by any means, just a regular English dude. Take any of this that you want:
quote:
I have discovered in my everyday experience as a student of tourism that the youth in the countryside have fewer events available to them as opposed to the youth in city areas, and often desire events that are not available to them. My desire to change this is what led me to compose this thesis, in which I have examined this theme.
I wanted to research if the youth in my area are of the same opinion found in the countryside: "nothing is happening," while cities always have "something going on" and if youths from other countrysides and cities agree. The research deals with the problem of lack of events and entertainment for youths in the countryside. The purpose of this thesis is to research events in the countryside and in cities from the perspective of youths. Concrete examples used are from the Ribnica Vally and Municipality of Celje.
The first method in my investigation was an interview with 8 people, that were asked of their opinions on predefined arguments. The second method was a poll on those predetermined arguments that are attached to 6 hypotheses.
The first limit on my research was funding, and the second was the time people were willing to offer their cooperation.
The results of my research have concluded that 85,11 % of participants from the Ribnica Valley and 83,72 % of the participants from the Municipality of Celje agree with hypothesis 1. Participants also agreed with hypothesis 2, 93,62 % of the youths from Ribnica Vally, and 83,72 % from the Municipality of Celje. Participants also agreed with hypothesis 3, 80,86 % from Ribnica Valley and 83,73 % from Municipality of Celje.
I will send my results to event organizers. I will also organize events based on my findings, as to positively contribute changes to event organizing. The practical use of my thesis is to help organizers of events from both researched areas and give them guidelines for the future.
Key words of the thesis are youths, events, Municipality of Celje, Ribnica Valley, type of events.
In this thesis I have conducted interviews with a determined number of participants, created and conducted a poll that gave me many answers and results on how the youth agree with the predetermined hypotheses. I have concluded that the vast majority of youths agree with my hypotheses, and have so confirmed all of them. I have concluded that city areas have many more events for youths than are organized in the countrysides. Events organized in the countryside should be more similar to those in the cities. The youths in rural areas do want more events for themselves and I could go to one as well.
I had a difficult time with the final paragraph. I hope I didn't re-arrange it to say something she wasn't trying to say...
Although it had it's spelling and grammar errors, I was impressed with the proper usage of the word "their"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 9:05 AM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 8 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 1:01 PM Stile has seen this message but not replied

  
Jon
Inactive Member


(2)
Message 4 of 10 (757326)
05-07-2015 10:25 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by frako
05-07-2015 9:05 AM


I have discovered In in my everyday practice as a student of tourism that the youth in the countryside have less fewer events available to them as opposed to than the youth in city areas, ; and often even though we desire though we often desire events they are not available to us. My desire to change this, is what led me to compose this thesis, in which i I have examined this theme.
I wanted to research if my area if the youth in my area are of the same opinion that in the countryside " nothing is happening", while cities always have "something going on" and if youths from other countrysides and cities agree with us. The research deals with the problem of lack of events and entertainment for youths in the countryside. The purpose of this thesis is to research events in the countryside and in cities from the perspective of youths. Concrete examples (you need something here) the Ribnica Vally and Municipality of Celje.
The first method in my investigation was an interview with 8 people, that who where asked of their opinions on predefined arguments (?). The second method was a poll on those predetermined arguments that are attached to 6 hypothesis hypotheses.
The first limit on my research was limited funds, and the second was the time people where willing offering to offer their cooperation.
The results of my research have concluded that 85,11 % of participants from the Ribnica valley and 83,72 % of the participants from the Municipality of Celje agree with hypothesis 1 (Should we know what that is?). Participants also agreed with hypothesis 2,: 93,62 % of the youths from Ribnica Vally, and 83,72 % from the Municipality of Celje. Participants also agreed with hypothesis 3,: 80,86 % from Ribnica valley and 83,73 % from the Municipality of Celje.
I will send my results to event organizers. I will also organize events based on my findings so as to positively contribute changes to event organizing. The practical use of my thesis is to help organizers of events on both researched areas(?) and giving them guidelines for the future.
Key words of the theses thesis are: youths, events, Municipality of Celje, Ribnica valley, type of events.
In this thesis i I have conducted interviews with a determined number of participants, and created and conducted a poll that gave me many answer's answers and results - do the youth agree with the predetermined hypothesizes hypotheses. I have concluded that the vast majority of youths agree with my hypothesis hypotheses, and have so confirmed all of them. I have concluded that city areas have many events for youths while countrysides rarely have any )if any= events for youths; that events organized in the countryside should be more similar to those in the cities; that the youths do want more events for youths and i I could go one(?).
A couple of things:
  • What is meant by 'event'?
  • What is a 'youth'?
  • Why does your girlfriend include herself in the groupings?
  • How many pumpkin seeds does your university charge for a PhD and would it be any good in the U.S.?
Edited by Jon, : No reason given.
Edited by Jon, : No reason given.
Edited by Jon, : No reason given.

Love your enemies!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 9:05 AM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 7 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 1:00 PM Jon has seen this message but not replied

  
Jon
Inactive Member


(1)
Message 5 of 10 (757327)
05-07-2015 10:48 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by NoNukes
05-07-2015 9:28 AM


More seriously though, this synopsis does not appear to describe college level work. Yeah, there is more stuff going on downtown, and I suspect even teenagers have figured that out.
It looks like she's arguing that event organizers have a ready and willing market in the youth of the countryside.

Love your enemies!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by NoNukes, posted 05-07-2015 9:28 AM NoNukes has not replied

  
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 6 of 10 (757341)
05-07-2015 12:47 PM
Reply to: Message 2 by NoNukes
05-07-2015 9:28 AM


eneral usage is that a 'practice' is a business. Surely no one is an everyday student of tourist, let alone a professional tourist.
Well if she gets her title it will be diplomeran organizator turizma, that would translate to a degree in tourism organizing. She chose the organizational path there are also 4 other professional tourist titles to claim LOL. I know its funny to me too.
Also 'less events' should be 'fewer events'. I'd also recommend adding some kind of modifier for the word event to give some clue what the person means. Does event just mean entertainment event?
Thnx yea i missed that fewer thingy thnx. Yea entertainment events is what she means.
More seriously though, this synopsis does not appear to describe college level work. Yeah, there is more stuff going on downtown, and I suspect even teenagers have figured that out.
Yea i know the synopsis is strange because hers was too short her mentor wrote this one. but the actual paper is kind of impressive. 50 pages of work to prove that "more stuff" is going on downtown something that is clearly obvious.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by NoNukes, posted 05-07-2015 9:28 AM NoNukes has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 9 by NoNukes, posted 05-07-2015 6:01 PM frako has not replied

  
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 7 of 10 (757342)
05-07-2015 1:00 PM
Reply to: Message 4 by Jon
05-07-2015 10:25 AM


What is meant by 'event'?
Entertainment event.
What is a 'youth'?
people under 25
Why does your girlfriend include herself in the groupings?
Casue she is 26 and still thinks she is a youth
How many pumpkin seeds does your university charge for a PhD and would it be any good in the U.S.?
Not my university mine was a real one
The degree is valid in the European union. Not that expensive though the same degre would be free if she wouldn't mind driving 120 kilometers to school, but she wanted a closer school. Yea we are pesky red socialist's in Slovenija, private schools only get those that either cant get in to state schools of their choice because of their grades, or dont want to move/ drive to a distant school.
Thnx for the help.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 4 by Jon, posted 05-07-2015 10:25 AM Jon has seen this message but not replied

  
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 8 of 10 (757343)
05-07-2015 1:01 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by Stile
05-07-2015 10:04 AM


Thnx mate, i think she will just copy paste this. When she reads it.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by Stile, posted 05-07-2015 10:04 AM Stile has seen this message but not replied

  
NoNukes
Inactive Member


Message 9 of 10 (757356)
05-07-2015 6:01 PM
Reply to: Message 6 by frako
05-07-2015 12:47 PM


Well if she gets her title it will be diplomeran organizator turizma, that would translate to a degree in tourism organizing. She chose the organizational path there are also 4 other professional tourist titles to claim LOL. I know its funny to me too.
Even if we accept tourism as a practice, and I do, the paper talks about her practice as a student, which seems a bit goofy. Perhaps she should just talk base it on her experience or exposure to tourism as a student.
50 pages of work to prove that "more stuff" is going on downtown something that is clearly obvious.
The paper might well be a fantastic addition to the field of tourism management. If so, the synopsis undersells the effort behind the paper.

Je Suis Charlie
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison. Thoreau: Civil Disobedience (1846)
If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. Frederick Douglass

This message is a reply to:
 Message 6 by frako, posted 05-07-2015 12:47 PM frako has not replied

  
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


(5)
Message 10 of 10 (761778)
07-05-2015 3:53 PM


Thnx guys she got a 10 out of 10 for her paper.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

  
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