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Author Topic:   Addiction By Definition
RAZD
Member
Posts: 18673
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 3.8


Message 166 of 198 (799320)
02-09-2017 7:43 AM
Reply to: Message 165 by Phat
02-09-2017 3:57 AM


Re: Day 206.
All I know is that I am in a marathon. This is not a sprint. I could be in therapy for years. Stay tuned....

If you need a water break or a food stop we are here


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

This message is a reply to:
 Message 165 by Phat, posted 02-09-2017 3:57 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply

  
Phat
Member
Posts: 9436
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 2.0


(2)
Message 167 of 198 (800100)
02-20-2017 1:49 AM


Day 218--At least I'm not feeling as depressed
The recovery process is slow and frustrating, as is reality. For much of my life I lived in fantasy---as does much of the United States.
  • What doesa it mean to be "great again"? Are we yearning for our youth?

    US News & World Report writes:

    Addiction is America's most neglected disease. According to a Columbia University study, "40 million Americans age 12 and over meet the clinical criteria for addiction involving nicotine, alcohol or other drugs." That's more Americans than those with heart disease, diabetes or cancer. An estimated additional 80 million people in this country are "risky substance users," meaning that while not addicted, they "use tobacco, alcohol and other drugs in ways that threaten public health and safety." The costs to government coffers alone (not including family, out of pocket and private insurance costs) exceed $468 billion annually.

    What about my own finances? Well...despite being unemployed for 5 months last year, I ended the year out of debt and ahead.

    This year is also good so far. Rather than spending $400.00 a month I am saving it.

    I see the counselor again on Thursday...will give an update then.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.~Proverbs 28:26

    Replies to this message:
     Message 168 by Theodoric, posted 02-20-2017 9:07 AM Phat has not yet responded

      
  • Theodoric
    Member
    Posts: 5765
    From: Northwest, WI, USA
    Joined: 08-15-2005
    Member Rating: 3.4


    (5)
    Message 168 of 198 (800133)
    02-20-2017 9:07 AM
    Reply to: Message 167 by Phat
    02-20-2017 1:49 AM


    Re: Day 218--At least I'm not feeling as depressed
    I probably speak for a lot of your friends here, I am very proud of you. I know a few people with addiction issues. Addiction to cigarettes killed my mother. Addiction, especially the socially acceptable ones; drinking, smoking, gambling; are very insidious because society makes it extremely easy to feed the addiction.

    Keep it up.


    Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

    "God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.


    This message is a reply to:
     Message 167 by Phat, posted 02-20-2017 1:49 AM Phat has not yet responded

        
    jar
    Member
    Posts: 29044
    From: Texas!!
    Joined: 04-20-2004
    Member Rating: 2.5


    (1)
    Message 169 of 198 (800134)
    02-20-2017 9:09 AM


    Keep on keeping on.

    My Sister's Website: Rose Hill Studios     My Website: My Website

      
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    (2)
    Message 170 of 198 (800540)
    02-25-2017 11:50 AM


    Day 223--Ominous Dreams
    I have a recurring dream that comes again and again..it is a dream where I am back at a job I had at age 17 at a restaurant called The Alpine Village Inn. My Father was still alive, but I was very fond of a manager whom I had...Mickey. Mick would give me raises more than the other workers because I was such a hard worker for him. I would wash dishes ten hours a day and would also tend the plants outside....the restaurant had beautiful gardens. I was in my senior year of high school, life was exciting and optimistic, and I was earning more money than I needed....living free at home.

    This was the American Dream I had...it came early in my life and left early...so I suppose that's why I keep returning to this dream.

    I realize that a dream is a place I can never return to in reality....there is no free home to live in anymore....and I have health issues and am 57 rather than 17.

    The only reality I have is Day 223 of sobriety. I can feel my brain continuing to heal. I am doing my best (or trying to do so) and I pray for our nation. Hopefully, the American Dream that they vainly seek won't turn into a national nightmare.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    "as long as chance rules, God is an anachronism."~Arthur Koestler

      
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    (2)
    Message 171 of 198 (801528)
    03-07-2017 9:51 AM


    Day 233...the diminishment of dopamine
    Today is Day 233. I had an intense dream the other day in which I was actually teaching myself---in the dream!

    To me, this is significant because it shows that my awareness of healing is now at the subconscious level.

    quote:
    Research on the brain indicates that addiction is about powerful memories, and recovery is a slow process in which the influence of those memories is diminished. Both addictive drugs and highly pleasurable or intense experiences (such as a life or death thrill, a crime, or an orgasm) trigger the release of the brain chemical dopamine, which in turn creates a reward circuit in the brain. This circuit registers that intense experience as "important" and creates lasting memories of it as a pleasurable experience.

    Dopamine changes the brain on a cellular level, commanding the brain to "do it again," which heightens the possibility of relapse even long after the behavior (or drug) has stopped.

    Dopamine also helps to explain why intense experiences can be just as addictive as drugs.


    Thus I am slowly relearning what is important in life.

    I saw my counselor....as I went to the appointment I was realizing that nothing much is happening in my recovery (or seems to be) which is reported anecdotally in other recovery journals. At the session, I surprised both of us with a lucid discourse on my future plans...a discourse which, I might add, showed that something was in fact happening in that brain of mine.

    Brain science is fascinating...and observing my own recovery is a bit like journaling while being a lab rat.

    Edited by Phat, : edited admin mode


    Replies to this message:
     Message 172 by Phat, posted 03-10-2017 11:46 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply

      
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    Message 172 of 198 (801920)
    03-10-2017 11:46 AM
    Reply to: Message 171 by Phat
    03-07-2017 9:51 AM


    Re: Day 236- A Bit Of Irrational Anger
    Today is Day 236. I have noticed a bitr of irrational anger in some of my replies to others here at EvC.

    Jar set me off. He always defends the rest of the world more than he does the US...just as he defended the Native Americans against us---going so far to suggest that if we were honorable we could give them back their land!

    My inner Trump voter came out. I felt like a child who had his precious toys snatched out of his hands by other children who were pushing into the playground and taking my favorite swing. I get angry when people attack my home. They can attack Trump all they want...I agree with most of that...I liked Barack Obama.

    I like my union. They gave me back my job---(Though deep down I believe God gave it back to me) I am a moderate. I believe in limited and useful socialism.

    I realize that at its core, capitalism is competitive and heartless---which was no problem when I was growing up but is now becoming an issue as I am aging and feel as if i am being treated as just another one of the global masses rather than a privileged kid.

    From a science perspective, I feel fear. Anger. Jealosy. Even rage at the rest of the world passing me by. I have channeled my inner Trump supporter. It scares me. I never wanted to be an a**hole.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    "as long as chance rules, God is an anachronism."~Arthur Koestler

    This message is a reply to:
     Message 171 by Phat, posted 03-07-2017 9:51 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply

    Replies to this message:
     Message 173 by RAZD, posted 03-11-2017 5:53 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply
     Message 174 by jar, posted 03-11-2017 6:52 AM Phat has responded

      
    RAZD
    Member
    Posts: 18673
    From: the other end of the sidewalk
    Joined: 03-14-2004
    Member Rating: 3.8


    (2)
    Message 173 of 198 (802002)
    03-11-2017 5:53 AM
    Reply to: Message 172 by Phat
    03-10-2017 11:46 AM


    Re: Day 236- A Bit Of Irrational Anger
    From a science perspective, I feel fear. Anger. Jealosy. Even rage at the rest of the world passing me by. I have channeled my inner Trump supporter. It scares me. I never wanted to be an a**hole.

    I believe this is a stage in recovery, the feeling of being swamped with emotions, highs and lows. Being able to access your "inner Trump" is not necessarily bad -- you recognized it and evidently controlled it. We all have the beast in us, a primitive primate self.

    My too sense worth.

    Enjoy


    we are limited in our ability to understand
    by our ability to understand
    RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
    ... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
    to share.


    • • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

    This message is a reply to:
     Message 172 by Phat, posted 03-10-2017 11:46 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply

      
    jar
    Member
    Posts: 29044
    From: Texas!!
    Joined: 04-20-2004
    Member Rating: 2.5


    (1)
    Message 174 of 198 (802006)
    03-11-2017 6:52 AM
    Reply to: Message 172 by Phat
    03-10-2017 11:46 AM


    Re: Day 236- A Bit Of Irrational Anger
    Phat writes:

    Jar set me off. He always defends the rest of the world more than he does the US...just as he defended the Native Americans against us---going so far to suggest that if we were honorable we could give them back their land!

    I certainly don't want or intend to "set you off" and was certainly not defending the rest of the world but rather trying to point out reality.

    But what is really good news is that you now recognize irrational anger for irrational anger. That was not always the case and it's great that you are making such progress.

    Keep on keeping on.


    My Sister's Website: Rose Hill Studios     My Website: My Website

    This message is a reply to:
     Message 172 by Phat, posted 03-10-2017 11:46 AM Phat has responded

    Replies to this message:
     Message 175 by Phat, posted 04-09-2017 12:08 PM jar has not yet responded

      
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    (1)
    Message 175 of 198 (804422)
    04-09-2017 12:08 PM
    Reply to: Message 174 by jar
    03-11-2017 6:52 AM


    Day 266-Still Healing
    I can't believe that I have actually made it to day 266! As of today, I am not at the place I assumed I would be at this time. Perhaps I always did have a life of fantasy vs reality. Reality seems to provide no assurance. No promise. No blessing.

    But then again, why must I be so negative? I dare yet have faith and hope in a better future.

    My healing is spreading to other areas of my personality---other addictions, compulsions, and hangups that I have carried with me my entire life.

    I am taking care of my 93-year-old mother who just had a mini stroke two days ago---she couldnt talk---but has already recovered after a day in the hospital.

    I know God has her---but the issue is that I no longer do. At 57, I still feel like her codependant child.

    Then there is my love life. I have never had any girlfriends nor been attracted to any, but I realize that my younger friends (they are anywhere from 24-20 years old) don't need me as much as I seem to cling to them.

    Jesus is with me---I believe this fully. Yet it seems as if the reality of life involves handling pain and disappointment.

    When will I find the cloud with the silver lining? Must reality always be harsh?

    I wish I had more optimism.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    "as long as chance rules, God is an anachronism."~Arthur Koestler

    This message is a reply to:
     Message 174 by jar, posted 03-11-2017 6:52 AM jar has not yet responded

    Replies to this message:
     Message 176 by NoNukes, posted 04-09-2017 3:21 PM Phat has not yet responded

      
    NoNukes
    Member
    Posts: 9659
    From: Central NC USA
    Joined: 08-13-2010
    Member Rating: 3.3


    (2)
    Message 176 of 198 (804445)
    04-09-2017 3:21 PM
    Reply to: Message 175 by Phat
    04-09-2017 12:08 PM


    Re: Day 266-Still Healing
    But then again, why must I be so negative? I dare yet have faith and hope in a better future.

    Well said. It's about time to start counting months rather than days. You are just short of 9 months...

    am taking care of my 93-year-old mother who just had a mini stroke two days ago

    You are blessed that your mother is still with you.


    Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison. Thoreau: Civil Disobedience (1846)

    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King

    I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. Thomas Jefferson

    Seems to me if its clear that certain things that require ancient dates couldn't possibly be true, we are on our way to throwing out all those ancient dates on the basis of the actual evidence. -- Faith

    Some of us are worried about just how much damage he will do in his last couple of weeks as president, to make it easier for the NY Times and Washington post to try to destroy Trump's presidency. -- marc9000


    This message is a reply to:
     Message 175 by Phat, posted 04-09-2017 12:08 PM Phat has not yet responded

        
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    (3)
    Message 177 of 198 (808786)
    05-13-2017 7:38 AM


    Day 300 has arrived!
    I am continuing to heal from my diseased brain. As I look back over this thread and what I myself said a few years ago, I am finding that I now think differently in several ways.
    Phat in 2014 writes:

    The full healing process achieved through sobriety usually involves a minimum of six months and an expected duration of two years.

    I now believe that the healing process most definitely involves a minimum of a year and is ongoing until the day I die.

    I am noticing subtle changes in my emotional thought process as well as honesty towards logic--in most cases---even though I do not feel that I am finding the "right" answers.

    The sense of entitlement is slowly being burned out of me.

    If anything, it also makes me a stronger Christian.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    "as long as chance rules, God is an anachronism."~Arthur Koestler

    Replies to this message:
     Message 178 by jar, posted 05-13-2017 7:42 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply
     Message 179 by NoNukes, posted 05-15-2017 12:33 AM Phat has not yet responded

      
    jar
    Member
    Posts: 29044
    From: Texas!!
    Joined: 04-20-2004
    Member Rating: 2.5


    (2)
    Message 178 of 198 (808787)
    05-13-2017 7:42 AM
    Reply to: Message 177 by Phat
    05-13-2017 7:38 AM


    Re: Day 300 has arrived!
    Keep on the trail, there are wonders to see just over the next hill.

    My Sister's Website: Rose Hill Studios     My Website: My Website

    This message is a reply to:
     Message 177 by Phat, posted 05-13-2017 7:38 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply

      
    NoNukes
    Member
    Posts: 9659
    From: Central NC USA
    Joined: 08-13-2010
    Member Rating: 3.3


    (2)
    Message 179 of 198 (808929)
    05-15-2017 12:33 AM
    Reply to: Message 177 by Phat
    05-13-2017 7:38 AM


    Re: Day 300 has arrived!
    I am noticing subtle changes in my emotional thought process as well as honesty towards logic

    I've certainly noticed that your thought processes are more rational, and I'll bet others have as well. I've never really though you were lacking in honesty.

    It's always good to hear about your progress. Keep on living!

    Edited by NoNukes, : No reason given.


    Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison. Thoreau: Civil Disobedience (1846)

    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King

    I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. Thomas Jefferson

    Seems to me if its clear that certain things that require ancient dates couldn't possibly be true, we are on our way to throwing out all those ancient dates on the basis of the actual evidence. -- Faith

    Some of us are worried about just how much damage he will do in his last couple of weeks as president, to make it easier for the NY Times and Washington post to try to destroy Trump's presidency. -- marc9000


    This message is a reply to:
     Message 177 by Phat, posted 05-13-2017 7:38 AM Phat has not yet responded

        
    Phat
    Member
    Posts: 9436
    From: Denver,Colorado USA
    Joined: 12-30-2003
    Member Rating: 2.0


    Message 180 of 198 (811697)
    06-10-2017 5:24 PM


    Day 328. Staring In The Mirror
    Earlier I reported how my once diseased brain is finding new life due to sobriety from a major addiction (and addictive pattern).
    Remember this conversation, Ringo?
    2014 Phat writes:

    IF I can get this addiction cured, all of my other minor addictions of any severity or consequence will also get resolved.


    Ringo writes:

    Really? Or is your behaviour just as likely to be channeled in another direction?


    2014 Phat writes:

    Lets do some research on this one. Assuming EvC (and us) are still here in six months, let me get back to you on this one.

    I have personally found that the addiction does get channeled into other directions. I still battle obsessive thoughts and behaviors in areas unrelated to gambling.

    Religion itself could be a form of addiction. I do not like to be so patently rationale that I could simply trash my beliefs in the name of science. For some reason I need those beliefs. Critics may say that Jesus exists for no more reason than some humans need Him to exist! Personally, I believe that He exists anyway, but you get my point.

    On a side note, my two (in my opinion) most rational threads I ever made here at EvC were these two:
    The Marketing Of Christianity which was made in March of 2016 before I began to become sober.
    The God That Paul Marketed Over Time was started in October 2016 after I had been sober 90 days.

    What concerns me is that my current arguments are not even as good as these were in the two threads. I seem to be mentally relapsing.


    Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul
    "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain "
    ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith
    "as long as chance rules, God is an anachronism."~Arthur Koestler

    Replies to this message:
     Message 181 by Tangle, posted 06-10-2017 5:33 PM Phat has acknowledged this reply
     Message 182 by RAZD, posted 06-10-2017 8:27 PM Phat has acknowledged this reply
     Message 183 by NoNukes, posted 06-10-2017 8:34 PM Phat has acknowledged this reply
     Message 184 by ringo, posted 06-11-2017 2:33 PM Phat has responded
     Message 185 by New Cat's Eye, posted 06-12-2017 9:31 AM Phat has responded

      
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