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Author Topic:   Personal Journey
GrimSqueaker
Member (Idle past 1183 days)
Posts: 137
From: Ireland
Joined: 03-15-2013


(1)
Message 1 of 10 (694222)
03-23-2013 6:45 AM


Hi my name is Grim..... Really that's what people call me.

I am Irish and I'm in and around 30 and I'm the father of a beautiful little boy

My spiritual/personal journey like most began at home, my father is a very devote Christian - prays every day and took me and my brother to church every sunday (often missing thr newest episode of the Simpsons as a result - now THAT is scarafice, well it is when your 12), my mother has a very accepting world view, she just wants everyone to be happy and has the hypothesis that all gods are in fact the same god which accounts for all the similarities in mythologies (Horus is Jesus etc)

My mothers family had a huge influence on me - my mother was the eldest of 6, and 3 of her younger brothers were hugely interested in some very very exciting things that my young mind could not help but become seduced by. Art, SciFi (Star Wars is essentially religious to my uncles), Comics books and the Supernatural/Mysteries (ghosts and psychics etc) were all major topics of conversation around the dinner table.

By the time I wasin secondary school I was hugely embroiled in a fabulous fantasy world with a million possibilities. Aliens, psychics, ghosts, demon's, spirits and the living dead stalked every shadowly nook of the world - clearly the things I had heard were true, but that still left a wealth of unanswered questions, where did god come from? Was he a psychic group cinciousness of the human race or a vastly superior and benevolent alien intelligence, and his could I unlock my potential? How could I be sure I was conversing with the correct god in the correct manner, and tap into my own hidden powers (I wanted to bend spoons damn it!)

In a way I blame my nerdishness for my questioning habits, SciFi and comic geeks love to tweeze out the little inconstancies in stories, could that character have done that, how does this piece of technology work VS that piece, where exactly in a stories time line does X happen. If u want many many dateless head ache filled nights it's a great way to be, but ultimately since I was coming from a place of absolutely belief it allowed me to remain open minded while I puzzled through lifes mysteries.

While in secondary school I began to slip away from Christanity, it started small at first - I had read a book by a catholic monk who explained that reading the Tarot cards was not a sin and could in fact deepen ur connection with ur spirituality - I was fascinated! I found a deck and began to experiment, with time I became very good at it, so much so that in my early years at college when money was tight I would work as a psychic to make ends meet. But this small revolution was the beginning of the end for my Christianity, I began to research and read constantly on every religious and spiritual Practice I could find, and every day I became a little more multicultural and my Christanity ebbed away piece by piece. The errosion was quite simple and small, over time I developed my personal relationship with god and I grew to understand that he was probably a she, a mother figure who loved and accepted me - that gave way to personifying my god as Diana and lead me eventually to moon worship. I maintained a belief in Christ for a long time - but I understand why preachers fear knowledge, I'm sure my path by now appears demonic to some of you... And that makes sense that it would, because with time even Jesus fell by the way side, even my most robust beliefs could not withstand the wave of new information that was still washing over me nearly daily.

As I went through college I continued my personal reflective study, theology is still a passion of mine today - that's why I'm on this forum - but with the great resources of the college at my disposal the research changed, I was no longer looking to add to my beliefs I wanted to test them. I was quite pagan by now, practicing shamanistic magic and ingaging with spirits nearly daily - I could see this was real, the evidence of my eyes couldn't be lying to me BUT I still had questions. I needed to learn how these things were happening, why principals of science could support this magical world I had discovered lurking beneath the surface? So along side my books on mythology, magic and religion I now took down books on psychology, sociology and science. For a second time my world was rocked, a new gleaming and irresitibly sexy world was lying beneath all the things I thought I knew - it was rather breath taking. James Randi and Richard Dawkins began to mold my mind, and yet again what I had believed and known to be true began to slip away. By the time I graduated I was an agnositic or perhaps an in the closet atheist - I'm still open to anything and everything, once u gave give me proof. By now I was sure that my world view would change again, perhaps many more times in my life - and I looked forward to it.

I didn't have to wait long as my career quickly lead me to new and strange vistas. I had qualified as a Secondary School Art Teacher, but pickings were slim on the job front and the first job I got was terrifying. Without naming the facility (confidentiality is a bitch) I had managed to wrangle a job as an Art Therapist at a detention centre. Two of my previous class mates had received the post before me, neither lasted through their first week - I managed 18 months. As a middle class idiot (not to put it too bluntly) I had very set views on crime and the people who did it - my morality was I felt rather above board. I could not have been more wrong. In the first year I learned more about humanity, kindness and my self that I'd learned in my entire life.
On my last day there I cried in the car park as I was leaving, but I had another job elsewhere and so I left a changed man.

From there I began working for a charity helping adults with profound autism - but all these years later I am still with the organisation and i will not discuss that employment due to confidentiality issues - fortunately I have one more revolution to discuss!

I suffer (or revel in at times) A.D.D. it leaves me perpetually bored and seeking engagement - one rainy October evening several years ago I opened up a magic set with my son which be had recieved for his birthday with the view to learning some tricks we could preform at Christmas dinner..... It was worse than drugs, I was instantly hooked. By the new year my friends, family and coWorkers hate magic but I was falling more madly in love every day. Then in January I saw a poster for The Love Cats Burlesque troupe and my life began to change again. I came along to the show to meet the producer and ask could I perhaps practice magic at the shows, doing tricks at the tables between acts etc - not only did he agree I also found my childhood sweet heart working as a burlesque dancer..... Within months I was madly in love with Trixie Vixen (her burlesque name) and the stage, as we spent our weekends moving from venue to venue performing.

With time the girl fell away, she won't even talk to me now, but my love of stage continued - and by now I am rather good at magic. It's incredible how easy it is to hack a humans brain, with a wave of a hand (and the right understanding of human psychology) it is possible to rewrite memories, make things disappear from sight or things that aren't there appesr and manipulate people in incredible ways.

That brings me up to present, I am a demon posed shamanic charlaten of a geek - and I havent even touched upon my (anti)social education or sexual depravity yet! I've enjoyed talking to you all so far and hope to have many more interesting conversations to come, you all know me a little better now - I certainly look forward to getting to know u all better

(shout out to Jar for inspiring me to write this)


Replies to this message:
 Message 6 by Faith, posted 03-23-2013 4:26 PM GrimSqueaker has responded

    
AdminPhat
Administrator
Posts: 1802
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-03-2004


Message 2 of 10 (694281)
03-23-2013 2:00 PM


Thread Moved from Coffee House Forum
Thread moved here from the Coffee House forum.(AdminPhat)

This is a great and honest story! I am looking forward to commenting soon,(as Phat) though today I have to pick up my Sis from the airport and the snow is still falling...(we had 10+inches last night)

Welcome to EvC Forum, Grim...you are the type of people we like around here.. Beliefs don't matter nearly so much as honesty and willingness to communicate.

Edited by Phat, : elaboration

Edited by AdminPhat, : No reason given.


    
GrimSqueaker
Member (Idle past 1183 days)
Posts: 137
From: Ireland
Joined: 03-15-2013


Message 3 of 10 (694284)
03-23-2013 2:06 PM


Oops wrong forum - sorry
Replies to this message:
 Message 4 by Phat, posted 03-23-2013 2:12 PM GrimSqueaker has not yet responded

    
Phat
Member
Posts: 9563
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.9


Message 4 of 10 (694285)
03-23-2013 2:12 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by GrimSqueaker
03-23-2013 2:06 PM


Columnists Corner
No, this is where I wanted your story to go. Its just as open as the coffee house. Please continue!
This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by GrimSqueaker, posted 03-23-2013 2:06 PM GrimSqueaker has not yet responded

  
GrimSqueaker
Member (Idle past 1183 days)
Posts: 137
From: Ireland
Joined: 03-15-2013


(1)
Message 5 of 10 (694288)
03-23-2013 2:16 PM


Hi Phat - I'm delighted to be here, my family and friends r getting really sick of me trying to discuss these topics so I figured it was finally time to get off my arse and talk to some people who had some knowledge on the subjects I'm interested in.
    
Faith
Member
Posts: 25794
From: Nevada, USA
Joined: 10-06-2001
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 6 of 10 (694308)
03-23-2013 4:26 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by GrimSqueaker
03-23-2013 6:45 AM


I was quite pagan by now, practicing shamanistic magic and ingaging with spirits nearly daily - I could see this was real, the evidence of my eyes couldn't be lying to me BUT I still had questions. I needed to learn how these things were happening, why principals of science could support this magical world I had discovered lurking beneath the surface? So along side my books on mythology, magic and religion I now took down books on psychology, sociology and science. For a second time my world was rocked, a new gleaming and irresitibly sexy world was lying beneath all the things I thought I knew - it was rather breath taking. James Randi and Richard Dawkins began to mold my mind, and yet again what I had believed and known to be true began to slip away.

I wonder if you'd be willing or able to describe more about this,

1) what you mean about "engaging with spirits daily" and

2) why, if you "could see that this was real" you were so apparently easily talked out of its being real?

Just for context, I went through a phase of occultic exploration before I became a Christian, mostly astrology and the I Ching, which are both like lenses onto the spirit world, had some mostly scary experiences of such entities too, and found other people in that phase extremely open to talking to me about their own similar experiences.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by GrimSqueaker, posted 03-23-2013 6:45 AM GrimSqueaker has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 7 by GrimSqueaker, posted 03-23-2013 4:48 PM Faith has responded

    
GrimSqueaker
Member (Idle past 1183 days)
Posts: 137
From: Ireland
Joined: 03-15-2013


Message 7 of 10 (694310)
03-23-2013 4:48 PM
Reply to: Message 6 by Faith
03-23-2013 4:26 PM


Faith I'd be delighted to share my experiences with you.

I used to be heavily involved with occult worship, on a personal level I had a familiar spirit I could summon whenever I wished, I worked with conjured energy and I cast spells with that energy and I was very aware of the spirit world around me, feeling residual energies within structures, using pendulums to commune with the dead etc. While professionally I worked as a tarot reader, I think my profile is still up on irishpsychics.ie

It was not an easy path to change my opinion. It all began when I found a reference in a book on Urban Shamanism which suggested that many of the trappings of high ritual magic, cloaks/candles/silver daggers/etc were not nessecary for the successful casting of spells, as they were primarily to get the caster in the right frame of mind and that every day objects could be used instead. This idea excited me and I began to work more within this new Urban system with improvised and repurposed materials. I was delighted to see results and began to try figure out what elements were important and which were not. I wanted to streamline my magick.

With a clear goal in mind I began research to figure out exactly what I was doing and maximising it - I knew from history that some magickal principles, magnetism etc had some basis in science, and similarly the human mind seemed key to alot of this so psychology was a field I needed to learn about too. While at college I had access to a huge library and I began to cross reference what I knew with scholarly articles on the occult, psychology and science.

I learned about Barnem statements and the human ability to rewrite memories for example. I also learned of the history of fraud in occultism and the huge misrepresentations of scientific principles these people used to back up their shady and/or misguided practices.

Over time my faith in the supernature wobbled and eventually fell, I don't really remember there being a day I woke up and decided I don't believe any more - I just gradually evolved. As a magician I've continued to learn and I've put a lot of what I've picked up into practice - not a great video but check out my dying, coming back and doing a little mind reading for example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl-w6lJyGXY&feature=youtub...

Not a great vid, but it is the type of act a fake mystic might try and certainly there are many historic examples of such things.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 6 by Faith, posted 03-23-2013 4:26 PM Faith has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 8 by Faith, posted 03-23-2013 5:17 PM GrimSqueaker has responded

    
Faith
Member
Posts: 25794
From: Nevada, USA
Joined: 10-06-2001
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 8 of 10 (694313)
03-23-2013 5:17 PM
Reply to: Message 7 by GrimSqueaker
03-23-2013 4:48 PM


I used to be heavily involved with occult worship, on a personal level I had a familiar spirit I could summon whenever I wished, I worked with conjured energy and I cast spells with that energy and I was very aware of the spirit world around me, feeling residual energies within structures, using pendulums to commune with the dead etc. While professionally I worked as a tarot reader, I think my profile is still up on irishpsychics.ie

This may be just curiousity with no other real point to it, not sure, but I keep wanting to know things like --

What do you mean by having a familiar spirit, did you actually SEE this spirit or what? When you summoned him/it did it appear in visible form or what?

What do you mean by "residual energies within structures?" What does it mean to FEEL them?

What is "conjured energy?" How did you "cast spells" and what sort of spells did you cast and how did you know if the spell took or not?

When you "communed with the dead" what happened? Did "the dead" talk to you or what?

Do you think you are/were "psychic" and what does that mean to you?

Thanks.

Edited by Faith, : No reason given.


He who surrenders the first page of his Bible surrenders all. --John William Burgon, Inspiration and Interpretation, Sermon II.

2Cr 10:4-5 (For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God...


This message is a reply to:
 Message 7 by GrimSqueaker, posted 03-23-2013 4:48 PM GrimSqueaker has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 9 by GrimSqueaker, posted 03-23-2013 5:48 PM Faith has not yet responded

    
GrimSqueaker
Member (Idle past 1183 days)
Posts: 137
From: Ireland
Joined: 03-15-2013


Message 9 of 10 (694314)
03-23-2013 5:48 PM
Reply to: Message 8 by Faith
03-23-2013 5:17 PM


Happy to tell more - havent talked about this stuff in ages.

I had a wind spirit I could summon, I knew intrinsicly what it looked like and could see it's affect (it would come with a breeze when summoned), I could also kinda pet it and feel it beneath my hand.

I could sense energies inside building, similar to what mediums like Derek Akora would describe

I could channel energy in the palm of my hands and up my arms, it feels like a brilliant White flame crackling across my skin - I had myself so well trained that I can still make the feeling today even though I no longer believe in it - this energy I could sculpt and manipulate, ultimately I could channel it into spells to cloak myself in protective energy and manipulate others and my environment

Using a pendulum with a crystal at a haunted building I could ask the dead questions and get answers - of course this was idiosyncratic movement, which I still use in my magic act to fool people

I genuinely believed i was psychic and had many happy (and often repeat) customers

I now can understand all of this much better and I realise how easily I decieved myself, I had no powers but I did fall victim to many very simple psychological effects which I understand much better now - and as I say as a magician I now reuse lots of these personal experiences to inform my performance. I'm currently writing a new show about Death culture and the paranormal in which I will be using the ouija board and such to fool people.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 8 by Faith, posted 03-23-2013 5:17 PM Faith has not yet responded

    
fishmicon 
Suspended Junior Member (Idle past 885 days)
Posts: 3
Joined: 12-09-2014


Message 10 of 10 (744214)
12-09-2014 4:37 AM


This cheap fifa 15 coins week, its an all-embracing anniversary

Edited by Admin, : Break the spam link.


    
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