Humor IV

Just to throw water:Baseball is played in Canada. Now, I know that the Brits don't quite own as much of the world as they used to, but Canada is still part of the Commonwealth and is not just "North North Dakota" or "Southern Alaska."And a five-minute mile is Olympic marathon pace. That's a bit much to ask of anyone.And while Tom Lehrer is god, Stanislaw Lem is at least an avatar. From Cyberiad (originally written in Polish...his translator, Michael Kandel, is owed a tremendous debt to capture the intent so perfectly, which only goes to show that yes, anything can be translated), a poem on love and tensor algebra: And then there was the following equation that used to be on my business cards:(∫₁^sqrt(3)z dz) cos(3p/9) = ln(sqrt(e))Or in words:The integral of z dz
From 1 to the square root of 3
Times the cosine
Of 3 pi over 9
Equals natural log square root of e

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

I'm a Marvel...and I'm a DC:The Potter Puppet Pals:

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Nemesis Juggernaut writes:

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Would it be less ironic and less humorous if Gov. Palin advocated condom dispenseries and her daughter still got pregnant?

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Less ironic? Yes. Don't you know what "irony" means? It is not, in its seemingly current usage, "self-awareness mixed with snark."When those who were taught comprehensive sex education have sex, they take precautions and have fewer unplanned pregnancies. When those who were taught abstinence only have sex, they don't and wind up getting pregnant."Irony" is when you are trying to avoid something and yet the very things you do to avoid the result are what cause it to happen in the first place. Thus, a child who gets pregnant after being taught abstinence only is inherently ironic: The very thing they were taught in an attempt to avoid pregnancy is what caused the pregnancy. And let's not play dumb and respond about how sex is what caused the pregnancy. The specific refusal to teach people how to have sex and reduce the risk of pregnancy actually results in more pregnancy. That's irony.

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Or, you know, maybe an unwed pregnant 17 year old isn't humorous at all for all the reasons listed in the article.

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Strange...if Obama had a teenaged daughter who was pregnant, I get the feeling that the very people who are claiming that Bristol's pregnancy is a triumph of god's will would be talking about the failure of "liberal" values. But because Bristol is white, exceptions get to be made.And yes, that's funny. It's dark humor, "have to laugh otherwise you'll cry" humor, but humor nonetheless.You'll notice, for example, that nobody is poking fun at Bristol. It's Sarah that's the target.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Nemesis Juggernaut writes:

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How so, if the point is not to get pregnant?

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Because if you don't tell people how not to get pregnant thinking that by not telling them then they won't, it is only obvious that when they do finally have sex, they're not going to take any precautions and will become pregnant.That's known as "irony": When the very actions you take in an attempt to not have something happen are the very things that cause it to come to pass.Refuse to teach people how to avoid pregnancy, and they'll become pregnant.

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if she got pregnant it stands to reason that the hilarity would continue.... Well, if that we're actually funny to begin with.

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Ahem. Nobody is laughing at Bristol.They're laughing at Sarah. You do understand the difference, yes?

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

And note, during the 90s, those horrible, evil 90s under the Clinton administration, things were getting better.Then Bush got into office and we went back to Reagan policies and things went to hell again.The economy has always done better under a Democratic administration than a Republican one.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Just to point out, throwing a shoe in Arabic culture is extremely insulting.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

subbie writes:

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Go to the Google page, type in "french military victories" then hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

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Hilarious!

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Yeah, this is an old internet hoax. Notice the results page isn't an actual Google page and the URL is:http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.htmlAnd at the bottom, it says: Yes, it's a joke.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

For a moment, I thought they were Orthodox...until I realized they were using their left hands to cross themselves.They're going to hell, now.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

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Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

Arguably the worst movie made.The Room, written, directed, and starring Tommy Wiseau. Yes, those blurbs at the end come from his own press release for the movie.He originally released it as a serious drama but given the audience reactions, he is now trying to market it as a "black comedy."Well, comedy is a possible idea:Apparently, it's been playing in LA for four years and is becoming the new Rocky Horror Picture Show where people go specifically to laugh at it.And sadly, Wiseau attends these performances and takes questions from the audience....

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

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Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

DevilsAdvocate asks about The Room:

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This is not a serious movie is it. Nobody can be that bad at acting and directing can they? Seriously, it is a comedy right?

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Oh, no. It was a serious movie. He meant it deeply from stem to stern. When he saw the audiences laughing hysterically at what he thought was he masterpiece on the level of Tennessee Williams, he backtracked and started calling it a "dark comedy."See the trailer of his sitcom pilot, "The Neighbors":He really thinks he's got something.

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

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Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

To that end:

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Rrhain

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Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

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Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.