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Author Topic:   Humor IV
onifre
Member (Idle past 929 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 496 of 540 (551141)
03-21-2010 1:47 PM
Reply to: Message 494 by hooah212002
03-20-2010 8:23 PM


Re: Patton Oswalt is funny
"Oh, Sky Cake, why are you sooo delicioussss?"

I love Patton!

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 494 by hooah212002, posted 03-20-2010 8:23 PM hooah212002 has acknowledged this reply

  
Apothecus
Member (Idle past 389 days)
Posts: 275
From: CA USA
Joined: 01-05-2010


Message 497 of 540 (551149)
03-21-2010 3:24 PM
Reply to: Message 495 by AZPaul3
03-20-2010 8:52 PM


Re: Teach the Family Planning
Hey AZPaul3.

And thank you, M'lady, for the Controversy link.

As CS revealed to me not so long ago after I said this:

CS writes:

myself writes:

...a woman after my own heart. Any German blood in you?


Granny is a man

Have a good one.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 495 by AZPaul3, posted 03-20-2010 8:52 PM AZPaul3 has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 498 by AZPaul3, posted 03-22-2010 2:04 AM Apothecus has not yet responded

  
AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 3528
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 4.9


Message 498 of 540 (551236)
03-22-2010 2:04 AM
Reply to: Message 497 by Apothecus
03-21-2010 3:24 PM


Re: Teach the Family Planning
Granny is a man.

Maybe so, but she still has a neat avatar.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 497 by Apothecus, posted 03-21-2010 3:24 PM Apothecus has not yet responded

RAZD
Member
Posts: 19720
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 4.5


Message 499 of 540 (551874)
03-24-2010 11:02 PM


For all the flakes out there ... you know who you are
http://xkcd.com/718/

Enjoy


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

onifre
Member (Idle past 929 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(1)
Message 500 of 540 (552011)
03-25-2010 8:19 PM


The Bill Hicks Story 2010
I know a lot of you guys here are fans of Bill Hicks. Not sure if you were aware of this:

Looks amazing.

- Oni


  
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 501 of 540 (552127)
03-26-2010 5:32 PM


Funny puns from an email
For some reason, puns crack me up. They're lame, but I like 'em:

quote:
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


That last one was pretty creative.


Replies to this message:
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 Message 503 by subbie, posted 03-26-2010 8:09 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

lyx2no
Member (Idle past 2695 days)
Posts: 1277
From: A vast, undifferentiated plane.
Joined: 02-28-2008


Message 502 of 540 (552135)
03-26-2010 7:12 PM
Reply to: Message 501 by New Cat's Eye
03-26-2010 5:32 PM


Re: Funny puns from an email
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)

It's not that bad.


You are now a million miles away from where you were in space-time when you started reading this sentence.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 501 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-26-2010 5:32 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

subbie
Member
Posts: 3508
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 503 of 540 (552144)
03-26-2010 8:09 PM
Reply to: Message 501 by New Cat's Eye
03-26-2010 5:32 PM


My favorite (clean) joke.
There is a monastery on an island in the south Pacific where the monks have taken a vow of near silence. They only speak twice a day. Each day begins with morning worship. The service starts when the Abbot comes in and chants, "Good morning monks."

The monks chant in reply, "Good morning, Abbot."

They say not another word until evening vespers, when the Abbot comes in and chants, "Good evening monks."

The monks all reply in unison, "Good evening, Abbot." Not another word is spoken until the next morning.

One day, one of the monks had a particularly rough night and didn't get much sleep. He was a bit groggy in the morning, and when the Abbot chanted, "Good morning monks," all the other monks responded, "Good morning, Abbot", except the one tired monk who chanted, "Good evening, Abbot."

The Abbot was furious. He scanned the rows of monks, trying to determine who had said that. Finally, red in the face, he was able to collect himself sufficiently to say, "Some monk chanted evening. He must be a stranger."


Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus. -- Thomas Jefferson

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and non-believers. -- Barack Obama

We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat


This message is a reply to:
 Message 501 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-26-2010 5:32 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 504 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-26-2010 9:37 PM subbie has responded
 Message 508 by Minnemooseus, posted 03-27-2010 3:32 AM subbie has not yet responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 504 of 540 (552151)
03-26-2010 9:37 PM
Reply to: Message 503 by subbie
03-26-2010 8:09 PM


Re: My favorite (clean) joke.
I'm drunk and I totally did NOT get that joke.

"Some monk chanted evening. He must be a stranger."

I feel like I'm missing something here.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 503 by subbie, posted 03-26-2010 8:09 PM subbie has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 505 by subbie, posted 03-26-2010 9:59 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

subbie
Member
Posts: 3508
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 505 of 540 (552156)
03-26-2010 9:59 PM
Reply to: Message 504 by New Cat's Eye
03-26-2010 9:37 PM


Re: My favorite (clean) joke.
Ever seen South Pacific?


Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus. -- Thomas Jefferson

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and non-believers. -- Barack Obama

We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat


This message is a reply to:
 Message 504 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-26-2010 9:37 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 506 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-27-2010 12:12 AM subbie has acknowledged this reply

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 506 of 540 (552164)
03-27-2010 12:12 AM
Reply to: Message 505 by subbie
03-26-2010 9:59 PM


Re: My favorite (clean) joke.
Ever seen South Pacific?

Nope!

But I heard it now. And that IS funny!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 505 by subbie, posted 03-26-2010 9:59 PM subbie has acknowledged this reply

Replies to this message:
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RAZD
Member
Posts: 19720
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 4.5


Message 507 of 540 (552173)
03-27-2010 1:50 AM
Reply to: Message 506 by New Cat's Eye
03-27-2010 12:12 AM


Re: My favorite (clean) joke.
knock knock

who's there

Sam and Janet

Sam and Janet who?

Sam and Janet Evening ...


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

This message is a reply to:
 Message 506 by New Cat's Eye, posted 03-27-2010 12:12 AM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

Minnemooseus
Member
Posts: 3685
From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior)
Joined: 11-11-2001
Member Rating: 2.9


Message 508 of 540 (552178)
03-27-2010 3:32 AM
Reply to: Message 503 by subbie
03-26-2010 8:09 PM


Monk (not Thelonious) jokes
There is a monastery on an island in the south Pacific where the monks have taken a vow of near silence.

Another abby called for all but absolute silence - A monk could speak two words every ten years.

After his first ten years, a monk walked into the head monks office, said "bed hard", and walked out.

Ten years late the same monk again visited the office and said "food bad".

After thirty total years, one last office visit, where he says "I quit".

The head monk responds "It doesn't surprise me. Since you arrived, you've done nothing but complain."

Moose


This message is a reply to:
 Message 503 by subbie, posted 03-26-2010 8:09 PM subbie has not yet responded

  
Shield
Member (Idle past 841 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008


Message 509 of 540 (552520)
03-29-2010 5:48 PM


From AboveTopSecret.com
This the is Original Post of a thread that got on to the mainpage of AboveTopSecret.com
quote:
Okay, I know i'm going to get flamed here
and people, let's keep it civil so mods don't delete the thread!

Too many people say that homosexuality is not a choice, some say "I know how I feel, I feel diferent", of course you feel different... you are different!

But to say that homosexuality is not a choice and there is some DNA change causing homosexuality doesn't mean you are calling them mutants?

I am serious, if they are not homosexual by choice then please explain to me how that is not mutation.
No I am not calling homosexual mutants, if YOU say they do not make that choice then YOU are saying they are!

There is so much data out there, some saying it is a choice some saying not, there is both so now what. Lets just rely on logic.

If it is not mutation but also isnt a choice then heterosexuals would also say it is not a choice. And saying it is a choice means it is a mental decision while saying it is not is a physical one.

Thoughts



http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread555295/pg1

I think the guy is serious. That alone makes it funny

Edited by rbp, : No reason given.


  
hooah212002
Member
Posts: 3183
Joined: 08-12-2009


Message 510 of 540 (552977)
04-01-2010 1:28 AM


Well, look who just evolved...


"Some people think God is an outsized, light-skinned male with a long white beard, sitting on a throne somewhere up there in the sky, busily tallying the fall of every sparrow. Othersófor example Baruch Spinoza and Albert Einsteinóconsidered God to be essentially the sum total of the physical laws which describe the universe. I do not know of any compelling evidence for anthropomorphic patriarchs controlling human destiny from some hidden celestial vantage point, but it would be madness to deny the existence of physical laws."-Carl Sagan

"Show me where Christ said "Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones." Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God." -Desmond Tutu


  
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