One of the earliest fears I can remember was the shape that items in my bedroom could take on when the evening light struggled through drawn curtains and the dimness cast new shadows in my bedroom. What transpired in the morning to be a pair of socks laid, just so, against a tee-shirt, transfixed me in fear because the form looked like a evil face. I wonder why I never called out to anyone.
In early school it was a very badly (facially) burned boy who used to deal with the rejection by frightening other children. If only I could have made friends with him.
By 11 it was fear that my mother would leave my father. In her pain she came into my bedroom when I was about 11 and asked would I mind if she left home and us with it. She told me that my two sisters had said okay. I cried and begged her not too. She left my father when we had all left home and had gotten our start in life
Then I turned fear into something to be conquered. I went looking for things that would cause fear for the thrill of facing it and overcoming it. It became a drug.
Curious that so many (like me) dread deep sea beneath them. I love scuba diving. Even running out of air deep down didn't frightened me. Dangling my foot over the side of the boat between dives however gives me the feeling like I am dangling my foot over the Abyss. Comparable to a fear of heights I suppose.
Curious too that the sea is a mechanism for conveying the imagery of turmoil and evil in the Bible.(Jesus calming the storm for example) There will be no sea in heaven.
Whilst never really thinking about the actuality of death it was something I had in the back of my might as an unspoken fear. It was after I became a Christian and this peace of God which surpasses all understanding entered my life that I became aware that I had no fear of death anymore. Worries day to day: bike smashes, lung cancer. But no real fear.
And I lost my addiction to it too.
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