The EvC Rock Band

Fred's skyrocketing porn addiction is never mentioned by the band. There are still crates behind HoZ's practice studio full of videotapes with no boxes and soggy magazines.Truth to tell, I'm starting to wonder about my future with Heritability of Zero. Onstage, my glockenspiel is never so much as miked, and I always have to lug everybody's equipment while Dan and his carny buddies all sit around and smoke. The shows are no picnic either. I dunno who started the revolting tradition of throwing beluga fetuses at the band while we're playing, but it's led to the cancellation of dozens of gigs. Three guesses who gets stuck cleaning that mess up after every show. I think initially I was hired so I could translate for the band at certain venues in the Southwest, and translate for Brad virtually everywhere. Whenever I ask for my share of the proceeds, Rei laughs and says it's been donated to a "real, real good cause."------------------
I would not let the chickens cross the antidote road because I was already hospitlized for trying to say this!-Brad McFall

It's that fucking Japanese conceptual artist you've been seeing, isn't it? She's been putting ideas in your head!

You are responsible for a group theory of the black board!! The math building was simply moved to a more central and less undisclosed location. This is not a challlege to your industry!! (unless biology gives up vectors?) use Feynman's then for the little conversation I had with Hans Bethe, OK? It not all randr to me.

Brad refers here to the time Heritability of Zero missed an important gig at some college in Ithaca whose name escapes me. I'm not convinced Syamsu had nothing to do with the little mix-up, averse as he is to the institutions of learning that teach Darwinism and algebra the same way the Nazi schools used to. He claimed there was no valid reason for comparing two routes to the college and selecting the shorter of the two. As one route went through New Hampshire (we were driving from Ohio), certain objections were raised, but to little avail. We showed up at the gig two days late. Rei decided to sue the school administration, charging that they discriminated against us for being 'locationally challenged.' We got paid, and Dan got a degree in something, I forget what.------------------
I would not let the chickens cross the antidote road because I was already hospitlized for trying to say this!-Brad McFall

Slavic Literature.Let's see those smarmy punks down at the rotary club tell me I'm "just projecting on Nabokov" now...[This message has been edited by Dan Carroll, 10-07-2003]

You should have asked for one in electrical engineering so you could be an expert on biology like Fred.He's going to rake it in once his red herring farm gets up and running, you just wait and see.------------------
I would not let the chickens cross the antidote road because I was already hospitlized for trying to say this!-Brad McFall[This message has been edited by MrHambre, 10-07-2003]

S- has nothing to do with it. I can talk all the trash on the colors
Nelson put on a map of Africa since I did not find Darwin's "tangled bush" there when I got to Lac Tumba. But I simply to not dig into this experience on the ECOLOGICAL divisions of electric fish meristic charcterizations mirrored in EOD waveformings... This has to do with WHY it may** (same as Mammy talking trays of AMNH on Punc Eq) be that Gould DID NOT play the Croizat Card in LIfe. We can still play it for him if we can "talk to the dead" as some "psychiccs" cleim o to have be and relates to elite renderings of the written history not natural history IN biology only not anybody here or any differences of opnions as findable on a desktop..I did find more spectral colors but no more complex ecology than I WALKED thru in NJ.

Yes, the trays in the AMNH cafeteria did in fact talk and often gave dissertation length speeches on who had priority regarding punctuated equilibrium. Given the mass of Gould and Eldredge, when the two came to blows it was very difficult to keep my capuccino and muskox with endive wrap steady on the plate...however, most impressive that you walked through New Jersey and still have enough chromosomes intact to write with such precision given the above average ( for a small sun )radioactivity of most of the Garden State that leads to such profound genetic defects such as Bon Jovi.

The following interview (transcribed from a Munich radio boadcast) originally appeared in Bild Zeitung a while back:Mammuthus: I’m here in the studio with Heritability of Hero---Dan: Zero.Mammuthus: ---a band that---excuse me?Dan: Tusk in your ear? Zero. The name---Rei: You called us Heritability of Hero.Dan: I told you we should have stuck with Snuggle Bear’s Continuity.Rei: Maybe you should go solo. You could call yourself the Assistant Groundskeepers.Mammuthus: Easy, folksDan: What would you do without a musician in the band? Turn tricks for beer?Esteban (enters with food): Excuse me. Who had the Wienerschnitzel?Rei: That Thai wrap better not have peanut sauce.Esteban: UhhDan (slaps the bag out of Esteban’s hand): You could fuck up a wet dream, you know that? What’s this shit?Mammuthus: You guys are playing at Tod Stool tonight---Esteban: You asked for sauerkraut.Dan: You’re lucky I’m stoned. Get out of my sight.Esteban: Is that---Rei: What do I hear? Are you still in the room?Mammuthus: We have a caller on the line. Messenjah? Are you still there? Guten morgen?Esteban: I’ll be right outside(door slams)Mammuthus: I guess our caller's gone. How do you find German audiences?Dan: I just spit off the edge of the stage and there they are.Mammuthus: How do they compare to American audiences?Rei: Now you’ve done it.Dan: Oh Christ.Syamsu: There’s no valid reason for including comparison in the discussion. How many times have I said this?Mammuthus: I’m trying to get this interview started, that’s all.Syamsu: You should just go away.Mammuthus: I should kick your ass.Dan: Take a number.Rei: I never did get my potato salad.Mammuthus: Out in the parking lot, now!Syamsu: You lost the argument, so---(sound of bone snapping) OW! AAAAAAHHH! My high-hat arm!Dan: Guess Hambre's on drums again tonight. Keep him sober.Rei: This wrap is terrible. Do you want the last pretzel?Dan: I didn't even want the first one.Syamsu: Help me!! (sound of skull striking console) AAAH!!Rei: We forgot to bail out Brad in Leipzig.Dan: I think heroin's cheap over here. What time is the gig?Reprinted courtesy of QBN Publications LLC. All Rights Reserved.[This message has been edited by MrHambre, 10-08-2003]

As a follow up to the story, Mammuthus and the entire group Heritability of Zero were arrested when it was discovered that in fact Syamsu was correct, there is no significant difference between creationists and Mammuthus was actually punching Fred Williams in the parking lot.. It was not until Williams started screaming out lines from Caddyshack that Mammuthus realized his mistake....having realized his error he redoubled his efforts leading to truncation selection of Williams ability to quote mine and mischaracterize evolution. The weeping at Patriot Universty could be heard easily from the neighbors garage for days.While in prison, Hambre and Dan finally found the appropriate venue to consumate their burning desire for one another....either that or the squeeking bedsprings and muffled cries were a result of Syamsu asking his cellmate "Big Bubba Clinton" if he could look at the tattoo on his butt since he did not think there was any significant difference to the one on his own posterior....apparently telling Bubba to go away was unsuccessful and Sy was left with a noticable limp for years to come.It is unclear why the other members of Heritability of Zero were arrested in the first place. Rumor has it that a one Mrs. schrafinator called the police because Dan was smoking in a bar and had not asked everyone in the state if it was ok. Rhrain apparently had Mr. Hambre arrested for his non-PC t-shirt showing Kermit the Frog selling drugs to lesbian nuns. Hambre pleaded innocent claiming that the t shirt was a gift from his good friend Wise and that he did not see any meaning in the picture. Rei was arrested by Sargeant Moose and charged with posting too many messages at some kooky forum and using a lot of vowels. Said offence carries a maximum penalty of four days of posting the same messages at said forum but each post limited to the length of a typical message of Messenjah. Rei's therapy for her resulting carpal tunnel syndrome is quoted by many sources as the reason Heritability of Zero went bankrupt resulting in Syamsu having to sell his sexual favors to raise money...thus leading to the financial ruin of the band and much acrimony among the former members.As per usual, Mammuthus was not charged and released. Being a member of an extinct genus left the authorities with no identification and no way to prosecute the hairy reporter...however, an accident befell him on his way to the local Tasty Freeze resulting in his getting trapped in ice and getting poked at by funny talking French people who then flew him around in a block accross Siberia strapped to an old military helicopter. The last news regarding his condition was that a group of paleontologists were continuously styling the hair of his head that was sticking out of the block of ice somewhere deep in a former Gulag.

Meanwhile, Cthulhu ate everybody and then went to sleep.------------------
Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!

quote:

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Mammuthus: We have a caller on the line. Messenjah? Are you still there? Guten morgen?

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Sorry for hanging up but I need to go to sleep, it's one in the morning here.

As a result of Cthulhu's mass consumption of mammoth meat, smoke filled tissues, snake eyes, non-varying zero heritable flesh, and a a set of odd colored marbles followed by not adhering to the principle of going to bed several hours after a huge meal, C had extremely bad gas. Amazingly, the combination of odd meats and the six pack of Malt Duck that C drank, C's gas mimiced exactly the conditions of the early earth leading to abiogenesis as he slept thus causing the collapse of the creationist movement and subsequent poor sales of Michael Behe's new book "Intelligent Design Evidence is Self Evident and yes, I do mean God"
Newly converted evolutionist Fred Williams exclaimed upon hearing of the results of Cthulhu's inadvertent experiment "and I thought only my ideas came out of my ass"

I can’t believe everyone is so stoked about that Harun Yahya touring again. Okay, we all liked that punk-ska stuff when it first hit, but how many trombone solos can you take?I want to mention that Mammuthus is only concentrating on the negative in his update of the Heritability of Zero story. Yes, our European tour ended in arrests and extradition. However, our fan base among Eurocarnies is burgeoning. No one ever mentions the good things.Will you folks please cut us some slack? I understand, I know now, I realize, it’s absolutely crystal clear to me now that I made a mistake in having Fred Williams represent us at our trial. His credentials seemed iron-clad. Okay, I had never seen a ‘Genuine Ph.D Degree in Biology, Finance, Law, Electrical Engineering, and Customer Service’ before, and the proud name of Sandy’s Bowling Alley, Artesian Well Maintenance, and Accredited University in Boulder, CO was not immediately familiar to me, but Fred talks a good game. Too bad the jury didn’t agree. Note to prospective lawyers: you can’t call something an ‘unsupported assertion’ if they’ve got video.I can’t say the stint in Sing-Sing was a hoot, but I learned how to do tattoos, so it wasn’t wasted time. And did Brad visit us from nearby Ithaca even once? At our trial Dan claimed to have undergone a religious conversion (how do you ‘become a Quaker,’ anyway?) , but his pledge to change his ways didn’t last long. Two weeks into our stint he was already running the insanely profitable smack traffic, eliminating his competition with ruthless efficiency. A jailer named Moose admitted to me that my daily beatings by the skinhead gang were being subsidized by Dan with payments of potent-but-lethal homebrew. When I asked Moose why he didn’t stop the violence, he showed me the shopping cart full of Pall Malls donated by the new kingpin. When our sentence was commuted to ninety days, Dan appealed the ruling.It has not gone unnoticed that Rei somehow escaped the claws of justice. I’m starting to wonder if her ‘preliminary discussions’ with the Munich cops didn’t end with a cozy deal of some kind. I’d like to know why the courts approved the seizure of even my uncle’s snowplow and my mom’s azaleas, but Rei got a week-long ‘house arrest’ in Nice while the rest of us were extradited in a cargo jet and locked up in Riker’s pending trial. Perhaps she has some explanation that will put my suspicions to rest.------------------
I would not let the chickens cross the antidote road because I was already hospitlized for trying to say this!-Brad McFall

quote:

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At our trial Dan claimed to have undergone a religious conversion (how do you ‘become a Quaker,’ anyway?)

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Oatmeal. Lots and lots of oatmeal. I remember it like my Mom used to make, all those years ago... *gets up, crosses over to window, puts one foot on chair and gazes outside, bathed in a sunbeam*