To socialize me. Few would know form reading my posts that I am eminently socially inept. Having been home schooled through the 8th grade and having only two friends both living 90 miles away I do not suffer my peers gladly.
So you're a closed teenager uncomfortable in new social situations. So what else is new. Don't feel alone. Teenagers are like that. You may not think you suffer your peers gladly but you know (you ain't stupid) your peers are living feeling human beings just as you.
I received some advice as a young man, free and (as always) worth every penny. I'll take this opportunity to try to pay it forward.
The way for you to feel comfortable in a new social situation is to make the others around you comfortable with you. The non-verbals control. The expressions, body language, are all picked up on a subconscious level and almost all people will respond in a friendly comfortable manner to a friendly comfortable person. This is not easy to do, especially for a socially innocent teen but, if followed, you may be amazed at how well this works. Like all traits, when this becomes habit you will not be trying to be a comfortable friendly person anymore, you will indeed be a comfortably friendly person.
First the meet and greet. You'll notice that in a first meeting most teens will glance at the new person then avert their eyes shy, uncomfortable, intimidated. Don't do that. Look the new friend in the eyes (not a hard stare mind you), give a slight smile, maybe a slight nod, say Hi and repeat their name.
[aside] Note the repeat their name. Just to emphasize the importance ... repeat their name. [/aside]
Here is the hard part: Do not look away until they react. They may look away or return your smile. Regardless, that first friendly contact will set a positive in their minds. This will be reflected in their non-verbals towards you (most of which you will be totally unaware) but a comfort level will result between you.
Practicing this will help calm and comfort you (at least somewhat) when it comes to meeting those most intimidating of creatures ever evolved on this planet — pretty teen age girls.
Second, teenage boys do not shake hands outside the formal social requirements. The advice is to stop not doing that. When you meet someone, especially a peer you judge may become a friend, extend your hand. I know this seems old and stodgy but make the contact anyway. Again, touch.
Even after you have made friends make liberal use of the handshake. It will probably evolve into something like a high-five followed by a low-five, some knuckle banging coupled with thumb bobbing followed by flapping around like a bird, or whatever passes as a hand shake these days, but make the contact. Touch. When you first meet them in the morning, do the thing. When you go your separate ways, do the thing. Make this a comfortable standard part of your personality.
Third, become a touchy-feely person. When talking with someone take the opportunity for an innocent friendly touch on the arm. There are those who abhor being touched in any manner and you will find these people and avoid them, but for the vast majority of humans a simple innocent touch has great comforting effects and the person you touch while knowing they have been touched is not consciously aware of how they have just been positively affected.
Despite the innuendo others are thinking right now, you do need to be careful doing this with the girls. Like teenage boys, teenage girls are walking hormone geysers and for some a simple innocent touch can send her up a wall. And you may end up with your own unwanted bulging embarrassment. Not good for a first contact.
Humor is always good. You already have a well developed sense of humor. I can tell it is well ingrained in your personality. You can't help it. You will find the humor in a situation and you will crack a joke. Take this opportunity to smile and touch. Note, there is that touch thing again.
Your humor is intellectual. Keep it there. As long as you can recognize where humor is not appropriate, let it all hang out (all things in moderation, of course). It also can help you identify your intellectual peers. You can separate out those that can follow from those that cannot.
Why all the touching? As stated human physical contact is psychologically powerful. A innocent friendly touch in a passing conversation, especially with new people, will be a positive in their mind. Without even knowing it they will respond in a more relaxed and comfortable manner. With their relaxed friendly non-verbals playing on your own psyche you will find yourself ever more relaxed and may, surprise, surprise, even feel sociable.
You have made friends here at EvC. Come back often and let us know how you're doing. Best of luck to you my young friend.
Now go touch someone.
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