Humour VII

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play Golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.
He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with."
There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself.
He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'
He said, 'I'm NOT happy. My balls itch."

A Dog with a very large bandage on his right appendage walks into a bar and says.............................................................................................................................................."Im lookin fer the man who shot muh paw."Ba-dum-dum!Edited by 1.61803, : No reason given.

lol.

Two peanuts walk into a bar..................................................................................................................one was a salted. Edited by Adminnemooseus, : Trim down the number of ".". Was causing over-width on my display.

When I was in Germany years ago I went to the bathroom in a train I was on. When I looked down into the toilet I could see the tracks below. I kid you not, literally pooping on the tracks.

Maybe I will write a coffee table book of all the places I shat.The stories I could tell.

Makers Mark,my favorite bourbon distiller has come out and said they will now start watering down their bourbon.This is upsetting as I think when one buys a bottle of spirits it should not be watered down.I wonder if this will prove to be a grave error in judgement on the part of that company. I for one will switch my swill.
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I gonna give Ol GrandDad a try. I have been reading some favorable reviews. It seems a bit crappy for a Bourbon distillery to decide, "oh we can makes more money if we water it down more. Stupid alcoholics wont notice the difference and our shit is so good they would never switch."

Horse eatin savages.

LOL!!

Alas the consumer sways!!!!! I'll drink to that.

"Wellllllllll, I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it, cuz I know just what am gonna do.I spend all my money callin everybody honey..and I wind up singing the bluessssssss.I spend my whole paycheck on some ol' wreck, brother I could name you a few.Welllll I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it cuz I know just what am gonna doooo. Gotta love Willie!