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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
JonF
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Message 646 of 806 (797638)
01-24-2017 9:07 PM



  
dwise1
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Message 647 of 806 (797647)
01-25-2017 1:44 AM
Reply to: Message 14 by frako
12-28-2013 3:36 PM


A different context, I know.

For many years I commuted once a month from Orange County to San Diego (California, if you must know). Half-way along that route, there's an immigration check-point. In that area, there are traffic caution signs similar to "Pedestrian crossing" or "Deer crossing". These depict a running Papi and Mami and nio and nia (as I recall from over a decade ago). The label in English say, "Caution.", careful, caution. The label in Spanish says, "Prohibito.", prohibited.

A very different message, no?


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dwise1
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Message 648 of 806 (797676)
01-25-2017 11:51 AM


Hermeneutics in Everyday Life
Found this one in my email archive:

Hermeneutics in Everyday Life

by Tim Perry

Suppose you're traveling to work and you see a stop sign. What do you do? That depends on how you exegete the stop sign.


  1. A postmodernist deconstructs the sign (knocks it over with his car), ending forever the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic.

  2. Similarly, a Marxist sees a stop sign as an instrument of class conflict. He concludes that the bourgeoisie use the north-south road and obstruct the progress of the workers on the east-west road.

  3. A serious and educated Catholic believes that he cannot understand the stop sign apart from its interpretive community and their tradition. Observing that the interpretive community doesn't take it too seriously, he doesn't feel obligated to take it too seriously either.

  4. An average Catholic (or Orthodox or Coptic or Anglican or Methodist or Presbyterian or whatever) doesn't bother to read the sign but he'll stop if the car in front of him does.

  5. A fundamentalist, taking the text very literally, stops at the stop sign and waits for it to tell him to go.

  6. A preacher might look up "STOP" in his lexicons of English and discover that it can mean:

    1. something which prevents motion, such as a plug for a drain, or a block of wood that prevents a door from closing;
    2. a location where a train or bus lets off passengers.

    The main point of his sermon the following Sunday on this text is: when you see a stop sign, it is a place where traffic is naturally clogged, so it is a good place to let off passengers from your car.

  7. An orthodox Jew does one of two things:

    1. Take another route to work that doesn't have a stop sign so that he doesn't run the risk of disobeying the Law.
    2. Stop at the stop sign, say "Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, king of the universe, who hast given us thy commandment to stop," wait 3 seconds according to his watch, and then proceed.

    Incidentally, the Talmud has the following comments on this passage:


    R[abbi] Meir says:
    He who does not stop shall not live long.

    R. Hillel says:
    Cursed is he who does not count to three before proceeding.

    R. Simon ben Yudah says:
    Why three? Because the Holy One, blessed be He, gave us the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings.

    R. ben Isaac says:
    Because of the three patriarchs.

    R. Yehuda says:
    Why bless the Lord at a stop sign? Because it says: "Be still, and know that I am God."

    R. Hezekiel says:
    When Jephthah returned from defeating the Ammonites, the Holy One, blessed be He, knew that a donkey would run out of the house and overtake his daughter; but Jephthah did not stop at the stop sign, and the donkey did not have time to come out. For this reason he saw his daughter first and lost her. Thus he was judged for his transgression at the stop sign.

    R. Gamaliel says:
    R. Hillel, when he was a baby, never spoke a word, though his parents tried to teach him by speaking and showing him the words on a scroll. One day his father was driving through town and did not stop at the sign. Young Hillel called out: "Stop, father!" In this way, he began reading and speaking at the same time. Thus it is written: "Out of the mouth of babes."

    R. ben Jacob says:
    Where did the stop sign come from? Out of the sky, for it is written: "Forever, O Lord, your word is fixed in the heavens."

    R. ben Nathan says:
    When were stop signs created? On the fourth day, for it is written: "let them serve as signs."

    R. Yeshuah says:
    ... [continues for three more pages]



  8. A Pharisee does the same thing as an orthodox Jew, except that he waits 10 seconds instead of 3. He also replaces his brake lights with 1000 watt searchlights and connects his horn so that it is activated whenever he touches the brake pedal.

  9. A scholar from Jesus seminar concludes that the passage "STOP" undoubtedly was never uttered by Jesus himself, but belongs entirely to stage III of the gospel tradition, when the church was first confronted by traffic in its parking lot.

  10. A NT scholar notices that there is no stop sign on Mark street but there is one on Matthew and Luke streets, and concludes that the ones on Luke and Matthew streets are both copied from a sign on a completely hypothetical street called "Q". There is an excellent 300 page discussion of speculations on the origin of these stop signs and the differences between the stop signs on Matthew and Luke street in the scholar's commentary on the passage. There is an unfortunately omission in the commentary, however; the author apparently forgot to explain what the text means.

  11. An OT scholar points out that there are a number of stylistic differences between the first and second half of the passage "STOP". For example, "ST" contains no enclosed areas and 5 line endings, whereas "OP" contains two enclosed areas and only one line termination. He concludes that the author for the second part is different from the author for the first part and probably lived hundreds of years later. Later scholars determine that the second half is itself actually written by two separate authors because of similar stylistic differences between the "O" and the "P".

  12. Another prominent OT scholar notes in his commentary that the stop sign would fit better into the context three streets back. (Unfortunately, he neglected to explain why in his commentary.) Clearly it was moved to its present location by a later redactor. He thus exegetes the intersection as though the stop sign were not there. Because of the difficulties in interpretation, another OT scholar emends the text, changing "T" to "H". "SHOP" is much easier to understand in context than "STOP" because of the multiplicity of stores in the area. The textual corruption probably occurred because "SHOP" is so similar to "STOP" on the sign several streets back that it is a natural mistake for a scribe to make. Thus the sign should be interpreted to announce the existence of a shopping area.

  13. A "prophetic" preacher notices that the square root of the sum of the numeric representations of the letters S-T-O-P (sigma-tau-omicron-pi in the Greek alphabet), multiplied by 40 (the number of testing), and divided by four (the number of the world--north, south, east, and west), equals 666. Therefore, he concludes that stop signs are the dreaded "mark of the beast," a harbinger of divine judgment upon the world, and must be avoided at all costs.

  14. The chicken didn't see the stop sign, and crossed the road.

http://dwise1.net/religion/hermeneutics_humor.html

Edited by dwise1, : URL


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ringo
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Message 649 of 806 (797752)
01-26-2017 11:01 AM
Reply to: Message 648 by dwise1
01-25-2017 11:51 AM


Re: Hermeneutics in Everyday Life
DWise1 writes:

4.An average Catholic (or Orthodox or Coptic or Anglican or Methodist or Presbyterian or whatever) doesn't bother to read the sign but he'll stop if the car in front of him does.


Where I live a green light means, "Keep going," a yellow light means, "Keep going," and a red light means, "Keep going if you think it's going to change soon."
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Tanypteryx
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(4)
Message 650 of 806 (798583)
02-03-2017 3:05 PM


Never Satisfied

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy


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Percy
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Message 651 of 806 (798587)
02-03-2017 3:20 PM
Reply to: Message 650 by Tanypteryx
02-03-2017 3:05 PM


Re: Never Satisfied
Apologies for this serious comment in the humor thread, but that comic's sequence of arguments was so well constructed that I just have to. Where this country goes in the 2018 mid-term elections and in the 2020 presidential election will in large part be determined by how many people find that comic accurate and funny (in a sad kind of way) as opposed to biased and slanted.

--Percy


This message is a reply to:
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Tanypteryx
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Message 652 of 806 (798593)
02-03-2017 4:06 PM
Reply to: Message 651 by Percy
02-03-2017 3:20 PM


Re: Never Satisfied
how many people find that comic accurate and funny (in a sad kind of way)

Yes very sad. I despair for the country I grew up loving.


What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy


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Theodoric
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Message 653 of 806 (798594)
02-03-2017 4:07 PM
Reply to: Message 651 by Percy
02-03-2017 3:20 PM


Re: Never Satisfied
Sadly, I am already getting negative feedback about this image after I posted it on Facebook. We are truly doomed.

Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.


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RAZD
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Message 654 of 806 (798606)
02-03-2017 6:32 PM
Reply to: Message 651 by Percy
02-03-2017 3:20 PM


Re: Never Satisfied
... will in large part be determined by how many people find that comic accurate and funny ...

Pathetic loser xkcd webcomic not funny leftist lie. Sad.

[/trump]


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
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Tanypteryx
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From: Oregon, USA
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Message 655 of 806 (798621)
02-03-2017 9:49 PM


The Bowling Green Massacre

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy


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Modulous
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Message 656 of 806 (798655)
02-04-2017 10:47 AM
Reply to: Message 655 by Tanypteryx
02-03-2017 9:49 PM


Re: The Bowling Green Massacre
Jokes about the bowling green massacre?

Too soon dude. Please at least wait until the victims actually occur.


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jar
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Message 657 of 806 (798662)
02-04-2017 12:11 PM
Reply to: Message 656 by Modulous
02-04-2017 10:47 AM


Re: The Bowling Green Massacre
We already buried them. Sure, they said they were not dead yet but you know how they lie.

Bring out your Dead! Bring out your Dead!


My Sister's Website: Rose Hill Studios My Website: My Website

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Porosity
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Message 658 of 806 (798688)
02-04-2017 4:39 PM



    
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Message 659 of 806 (799235)
02-08-2017 10:52 AM


3 beers please
A Texan walks into a bar in Oklahoma,
He orders 3 beers and goes to the back and proceeds to drink them by having a drink out of each until they are all gone. Then he orders another 3 beers and drinks them.

The Bartender tells the man it would be better to order one at a time so the beer will stay cold. To which the Texas replies, " I have 2 brothers stationed in Iraq and we made a pack that when we drink we will order beers for each of us so we can drink together in spirit.

The Texan becomes a regular and no one thinks anything of his drinking the 3 beers at a time until one day he only orders 2 beers.

The bartender comes to the back table and says, " I am so sorry for your loss of one of your brothers."

Texan says, " Oh you got it wrong, both my brothers are fine. My wife and I just joined a new church and I had to stop drinking."


"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs

  
ringo
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Message 660 of 806 (799736)
02-14-2017 11:22 AM


Something draws me to the Gen Reply button, like a magnet.

General Reply? Generic Reply?

Generate Reply?

Generous Reply? Throw in a few big words, always impressive on a science forum. Or just use a lot of little words. Use some of them twice, if you like.

Genius Reply? That would be rare but not unheard of at EvC.

Geneva Reply? Probably too specific.

Gene Reply?

Those are all the suggestions that Google has.


Replies to this message:
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