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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
Porosity
Member
Posts: 153
From: MT, USA
Joined: 06-15-2013
Member Rating: 5.6


Message 781 of 809 (816299)
08-02-2017 2:43 PM


How many Trumps does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! Donald will just tweet he screwed the bulb in while his supporters sit in the dark happy they can't see any colored people.

Edited by Porosity, : No reason given.


Replies to this message:
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Faith
Member
Posts: 25902
From: Nevada, USA
Joined: 10-06-2001
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 782 of 809 (816300)
08-02-2017 2:49 PM
Reply to: Message 781 by Porosity
08-02-2017 2:43 PM


That may be a new low in repulsive slander.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 781 by Porosity, posted 08-02-2017 2:43 PM Porosity has responded

Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 2914
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 4.4


Message 783 of 809 (816301)
08-02-2017 2:53 PM


How many creationists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Goddidit!


Replies to this message:
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1.61803
Member
Posts: 2704
From: Lone Star State USA
Joined: 02-19-2004
Member Rating: 3.6


(2)
Message 784 of 809 (816304)
08-02-2017 3:10 PM
Reply to: Message 783 by dwise1
08-02-2017 2:53 PM


Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them????

So when they get to port they can Scandinavian! Ba bum ta!!!


"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs

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ringo
Member
Posts: 13473
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 785 of 809 (816309)
08-02-2017 3:36 PM
Reply to: Message 782 by Faith
08-02-2017 2:49 PM


Faith writes:

That may be a new low in repulsive slander.


It's the most repulsive slander in the history of the world. You're the greatest human being who ever lived for pointing it out.
This message is a reply to:
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Porosity
Member
Posts: 153
From: MT, USA
Joined: 06-15-2013
Member Rating: 5.6


(1)
Message 786 of 809 (816318)
08-02-2017 5:06 PM
Reply to: Message 782 by Faith
08-02-2017 2:49 PM


Why? Cause you think Donald could actually screw in a lightbulb..All by himself?
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Replies to this message:
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jar
Member
Posts: 29187
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004
Member Rating: 2.7


(2)
Message 787 of 809 (816320)
08-02-2017 5:36 PM
Reply to: Message 786 by Porosity
08-02-2017 5:06 PM


Not only can screw a light bulb but it would be a HUGE light; it would show he can screw a light better than any President since Abraham.

A least we will be able to remember the laughter after il Donald as we suffer under the slightly more competent but far more evil Fascist Pence.


My Sister's Website: Rose Hill Studios My Website: My Website

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 2914
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 4.4


(3)
Message 788 of 809 (816321)
08-02-2017 5:53 PM
Reply to: Message 787 by jar
08-02-2017 5:36 PM


Reminds me of one of the jokes in Playboy (remembered from my childhood readings in the late 1960's). A woman who had been married three times went in for a medical exam, during which the doctor was surprised to find that she was still a virgin. So she explained how it was because of each husband's occupation. I forget what it was with the first and the second was a fireman always away on duty. Her third husband was a salesman. He would describe to her at great length how great the sex was going to be, but then never get around to actually delivering on his promises.

Like Trump who promises to do all kinds of incredible things that are going to be the best, but then never actually do any of them.


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Taq
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Posts: 7034
Joined: 03-06-2009
Member Rating: 3.8


(3)
Message 789 of 809 (816322)
08-02-2017 5:56 PM
Reply to: Message 787 by jar
08-02-2017 5:36 PM


jar writes:

Not only can screw a light bulb but it would be a HUGE light; it would show he can screw a light better than any President since Abraham.

I heard that Trump has screwed in more light bulbs in his first 100 than any other President, BIGLY!! They are also the most AMAZING light bulbs of any administration, and more people watch Trump screw in light bulbs, both in person and on TV, than any president before him. If it weren't for the filibuster, Trump would have screwed in enough light bulbs to bring the coal industry back!! SAD!


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Minnemooseus
Member
Posts: 3530
From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior)
Joined: 11-11-2001
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 790 of 809 (816326)
08-02-2017 9:51 PM
Reply to: Message 783 by dwise1
08-02-2017 2:53 PM


How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but another hundred will say they can do it faster.

Moose

ps: How many Norwegians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the bulb and 2 to turn the ladder.

(Norwegians jokes are big in northern Minnesota - Done with affection)


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RAZD
Member
Posts: 18867
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 3.6


(1)
Message 791 of 809 (816344)
08-03-2017 6:58 AM
Reply to: Message 790 by Minnemooseus
08-02-2017 9:51 PM


Re: How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many boy scouts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but it will take a while ...

... he can only do one good turn daily.

Enjoy


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

This message is a reply to:
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RAZD
Member
Posts: 18867
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 3.6


Message 792 of 809 (816345)
08-03-2017 6:59 AM
Reply to: Message 791 by RAZD
08-03-2017 6:58 AM


Re: How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How may psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One

but the bulb has got to want to change.


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

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 Message 791 by RAZD, posted 08-03-2017 6:58 AM RAZD has acknowledged this reply

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 13473
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 793 of 809 (816372)
08-03-2017 12:05 PM
Reply to: Message 786 by Porosity
08-02-2017 5:06 PM


Porosity writes:

If it isn't all historically true, inspired by God Himself, then it is corrupted by human error and why should anyone take it seriously?


I bet he could screw UP a light bulb.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 786 by Porosity, posted 08-02-2017 5:06 PM Porosity has not yet responded

  
Tangle
Member
Posts: 4983
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 3.0


(1)
Message 794 of 809 (816589)
08-07-2017 10:18 AM


One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after all you're the guv'. But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . .. this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

Fish?", queries Noah.
"Yep, fish. . .well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

"Check".
With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"
"Check".
And you want it full of Carp?".
"Check".

Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.

Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".


Je suis Charlie. Je suis Ahmed. Je suis Juif. Je suis Parisien. I am Mancunian. I am Brum. I am London.

"Life, don't talk to me about life" - Marvin the Paranoid Android

"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.


Replies to this message:
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RAZD
Member
Posts: 18867
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 3.6


Message 795 of 809 (816634)
08-08-2017 3:27 PM
Reply to: Message 794 by Tangle
08-07-2017 10:18 AM


carp a diem?

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 794 by Tangle, posted 08-07-2017 10:18 AM Tangle has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
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