I stopped counting my days of sobriety and focused instead on the ability to get right back on the "horse" after being bucked off.(relapse)
To refresh everyone's memory, I have named three primary areas of possible addictive habits in my life. By definition, the brain has molded itself around these habits and mindful daily vigilance and awareness is necessary to achieve sobriety (or changing behavior) which will occur in time. Here is my report card: 1) Compulsive Gambling--This was my most out of control addiction and after achieving one year of sobriety I had a major relapse in late 2017 which erased my gains. Recovering from that, I have become more mindful of my patterns, triggers, and brain-related disorders that contribute to the addiction. I no longer chart my days of sobriety except to say that I am usually sober 30-45 days before occasionally lapsing for usually no longer than a day. Thus, instead of one year sober and 6 months relapse, I now get 40 days sober and 1-day lapse...followed by 30-45 more sober days. The pattern is under better control.
Mindful and healthy eating This one is subtle and is not so much an addiction as it is a lazy and bad habit. I'm working on eating healthier 80% of the time and messing up 20% of the time as a goal....and I hope to achieve a permanent healthy lifelong diet discipline that I can live with.
Emotional Addiction This one is now the primary addiction that I am working on. It goes back even farther in my life than did the problem gambling. Much of it is of a personal and sensitive nature so I won't elaborate on it here except to say that I am gaining mindfulness on what once were unconscious and harmful emotional behaviors.
In summation, I am learning more about myself and am being mindful and consciously aware of my behaviors. The summer is turning out to be productive. I am working and going to the health club at least 3 days a week. I am drinking more water as well.
Thats my report.
Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain " ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith Paul was probably SO soaked in prayer nobody else has ever equaled him.~Faith :)
I am happy to report that I am firmly back under control of my addictions, and I am thankful to again be mindful and aware of my successes as well as my failures. (We learn a lot from failure)
You can do it, you have done it before, and doing it again is easier -- your brain will easily resume that learned pattern as well, but you are fighting one you've been trapped in for a long time. It takes dedication and commitment.
Every time that I cycle into this stable pattern, I bring a bit more knowledge with me into the fight.
It seems to me that you're making eating just another one of your obsessions. If you want to be 'normal' why not behave like a normal? Eating is not something you need to make into a big thing. Normal isn't researching, calibrating and chronicling everything you cook and ingest and looking for admiration; normal is just eating what you like and being sensible about it.
My Doctor agrees with you. He claims that there are many people now obsessed with ketogenic diets and extreme intermittent fasting...which I will admit that I looked into a few months ago. (He calls those people Ketards! )
As far as my basic diet goes, it is low carb all the way...but once stability has been achieved and blood sugars brought back under control, restrictions on carb intake can be relaxed. As a diabetic, I can't let carbohydrate addiction bring me down.
Today is Day 15,(started my program on September 1st) and I weigh 230. My overall goal is mental...Psychiatrists tell me that I need to move from anxiety into awareness and from addictive behavior(self-medicating the anxiety) into positive action. Again, the key word is balance and mindfulness. My overall goals are to simply become more aware of my responsibilities for my own personal health and the best methods for avoiding addictive behaviors in general. I am optimistic once again!
Edited by Phat, : No reason given.
Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. –RC Sproul "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Mark Twain " ~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith You can "get answers" by watching the ducks. That doesn't mean the answers are coming from them.~Ringo