Phat,
Sorry to hear about your declining health. You say oddly undisciplined referring to yourself and seem surprised at your own reaction. The fact that you recognize it and that it is odd says a lot. Is there anyone of us who doesn’t get depressed at least on occasion? During those times my faith seems a distant memory and I don’t always feel the presence of God. That’s when depression sets in.
I’m no psychologist and I realize a few lines of text on a forum probably won’t help. But I would like to tell you a story anyway.
A few years ago, I was surveying an elementary school for a building expansion project. My job was to gather field data as part of the design process. While I was there, I met the janitor who was an elderly woman that had been informed I would be there by the school administration. She helped me with various questions and knew the buildings very well having been a janitor there for 30 years.
We discussed the facility for awhile but then the conversation drifted towards God and she became animated. It’s always fun to find God as common ground among strangers. We talked for about 30 minutes then we parted company. I never saw her again and didn’t think any more about it.
About 6 months later, I received a package in the mail along with a letter. It was from the janitor. She had gotten my mailing address from the school administration and wanted to thank me for our conversation. She wanted to tell me how much it meant to her. She sent me a little wooden angel from the wood-working class. It was a piece that she picked up from the trash and painted herself.
You see, she had a son that was very much troubled and was caught up in crack cocaine. He had tried to kill her on more than one occasion. She had become so depressed that she had resolved to let him do it the next time he tried. Our conversation gave her the courage to persevere and now her son was getting help. She said things aren’t perfect but are moving in a good direction.
She told me I saved her life. I can't describe in words how that made me feel. But until she sent that letter, I had no idea.
God is a powerful force in the lives of many and he often works in unusual ways. It is our nature to want to get feedback on everything we do. We want to
know that we are making a difference. When we don’t get that feedback, we begin to question everything, even why we’re here.
You’ve mentioned in other threads that you work with young kids. I have no doubt that you’ve changed their lives but the effect of those changes may not be apparent for a long time. The odds are that you will never know your full impact on them. But that’s OK. It’s not our responsibility to do more than just plant the seed. God will take care of the rest.
That little wooden angel is a treasured memory for me and a reminder of why we’re here. Our mission and our purpose is to serve God by serving others.
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