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Author | Topic: Obituaries | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
Andya Primanda Inactive Member |
Ramallah Times--In an attempt to prove that several prophecies about the end of days are true, EvCforum poster Buzsaw was blown to pieces in a suicide bomb attack at the Oz kebab joint in downtown Ramallah. No other casualties are reported
Local authorities say that this suicide bombing case is unusual, because it was not directed towards Israeli targets and not done by Palestinians. Hamas, Jihad Islami, Hizbullah, PFLP, Fatah, and al-Qaeda all denied their responsibility. Mr Ossama 'Oz' Hussein, owner of the Oz kebab joint, was unharmed. Apparently he had walked out of there before the explosion. He was also the only eyewitness of the event. "You see, this man that called himself Buzsaw suddenly broke into my restaurant and started yelling 'You want to kill me, right? You and your ilk wants to conquer Jerusalem and the whole world in your global jihad, right? Right? The book said so. Don't try to fool me by saying it's not true!'" Oz testified, "Then I realized that he strapped himself in a jacket full of explosives and said that he wouldn't go down without a fight, and even if he die trying, he'd still go to heaven. I got no weapon but my kebab knife, and I don't pick fights with senior citizens so I got out of there. Then he blew himself." When asked about the losses, Oz said, "Luckily my insurance company covers for suicide bombings."
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Apostle Inactive Member |
I was in the country of Germany over the summer. I looked forward to seeing the bridge that was the center of a story I had been told.
On an old bridge held up by two huge pillars an individual had written, " 'God is Dead!' Nietzsche." This created quite a bit of attention, and rather than painting over the graffiti, the slogan was kept on. Several nights later however, another individual wrote on the second pillar, " 'Nietzsche is Dead!' God." Unfortunately both pillars were painted over and I did not have the opportunity to see such a display of wit. Apostle
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Abshalom Inactive Member |
Our beloved brother, Buzz Saw, passed from this reality into uncertainty early this afternoon while showering. His family wishes his friends at EvC Forum to know that the last words to leave his lips were a very long and drawn out attempt at pronouncing a word that sounded somewhat like "JaaaaaaHoooooooooooZveeffffffffttttttphmmmpth ...." at which time a heavy thud was heard from the bathroom.
[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 12-13-2003]
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Rrhain Member Posts: 6351 From: San Diego, CA, USA Joined: |
That's an old joke, Apostle:
God is dead. -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. -- God God is Nietzsche. -- Dead ------------------Rrhain WWJD? JWRTFM!
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Apostle Inactive Member |
Rrhain,
I know it is an old joke, but what I found humorous is that someone found it so 'something' that they wrote it on the side of a bridge. Apostle
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DBlevins Member (Idle past 3776 days) Posts: 652 From: Puyallup, WA. Joined: |
ROLF
Abshalom, that was hilarious! I almost fell off my chair reading that
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Buzsaw Inactive Member |
The obituaries of those declaring God to be dead a few decades ago continue to mount as the living god, Jehovah continues to laugh at their calamity and proceed with his program for the universe and specifically for this planet.
------------------The immeasurable present is forever consuming the eternal future and extending the infinite past. buz |
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Buzsaw Inactive Member |
Abshalom, that was hilarious! I almost fell off my chair reading that
Shall we say you almost died laughing?
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Buzsaw Inactive Member |
Hopefully Andya Primanda's obituary will read, "He died declaring Jesus Christ to be Lord, the son of the true god, Jehovah, and saviour of the world, contrary to Muhammed, prophet of Islam."
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Andya Primanda Inactive Member |
Me converting to Jesus worship? I will consider this as another prophesy to be never fulfilled. Why should I set partners beside the One God?
Anyway, merry Christmas buz.
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MrHambre Member (Idle past 1393 days) Posts: 1495 From: Framingham, MA, USA Joined: |
Courtesy of QBN News Network:
Munich, Germany: Two people died yesterday as a result of another mad rampage by a naked man in the Paulaner beer garden. Witnesses report that the man was "intoxicated, extremely hairy, had an evil smell, and had two bananas duct-taped to either side of his head." He demanded to be represented by Rob Zombie but was released with a stern warning when he told police it was his birthday. Chicago, IL: Former actress Roseanne Barr, after legally changing her name to Eliza Dushku, arrived at O'Hare International Airport and was crushed by one of the army of giant robots currently terrorizing the city. Chicago has recently undergone a financial boom spurred by the recent infusion of ten billion dollars into the local cash economy, primarily at comic book stores, strip clubs, and liquor and firearms stores. The dark nursery of evolution is very dark indeed. Brad McFall
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Dan Carroll Inactive Member |
I didn't wanna crush her, but she tried to pass herself off as my precious Eliza. That just ain't the kinda thing you forgive.
"It isn't faith that makes good science, it's curiosity." -Professor Barnhard, The Day the Earth Stood Still
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Skeptick Inactive Member |
Skeptick passed from this forum life early this morning after a freak accident that involved the accidental dumping of the entire contents of a 64 ounce "Big Gulp" softdrink into his laptop computer.
Eyewitnesses stated that it was "horrible". A neighbor stated, "Skeptick saw it coming, but he just couldn't get his portable computer off of his lap quickly enough. I’ll never forget the look of panic on his face, just before he was electrocuted. The contents of the "Big Gulp" softdrink consisted of Skeptick's favorite mixture of 75% Diet-coke and 25% Root beer. Samples of the volatile mixture were sent to MAMMUTHUS who, after extensive laboratory analysis, could only sputter, Eine Tasse dieses Zeuges knnte ein ganzes Dorf zerstren!!! I’ve been telling him for YEARS to stop drinking that garbage! sobbed Skeptick’s surviving wife of 21 years. I always knew that stuff would kill him one day! Skeptick, whose name was often confused with skeptic, sceptic, septic , and even tick at times, had just completed an exhausting activity that required the securing of raw material to assign to his students of the Fallacy detection in debate class which he began teaching Monday. Skeptick claimed that he almost fried his printer while printing over a full ream of 500 pages of material. The class was to also include usage of negotiating skills and techniques in identifying personality traits and characteristics. The freak spill, of the now-confirmed hazardous concoction, reportedly was the result of Skeptick celebrating that his pre-determined required time on the EvC Forum had expired. Eyewitnesses stated that Skeptic raised his full ‘Big Gulp’ to the sky and said YESSSS!!! at which point the lid popped off the cup. Skeptick’s final moments before the accident saw him happily discussing the windfall of raw material that he was able to secure as a result of, what he called, a windfall of examples of poor debating skills and habits demonstrated by a certain crashfrog. Skeptic explained how he went through various stages of debate tactics and personalities to demonstrate how predictable human specimens of crashfrog’s personality type can be. He also began to discuss that he will miss many of the people he met on the forum, but won’t miss everyone of course. The tragic accident happened before he was able to elaborate further. His last words however, appeared to have been spoken in the Merovigian’s language of silk: Dites crashfrog, "vous tes si pitoyablement prvisible!" By press time, editors had been unable to reach crashfrog for comment, but Skeptick’s students are certain crashfrog will pop up by spouting gibberish of some kind, as they predict he will certainly recognize his possession of the upper hand, since Skeptick is no longer able to respond, and proclaim victory by virtue of getting in the last word. Even the devils believe; and they tremble....
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Mammuthus Member (Idle past 6475 days) Posts: 3085 From: Munich, Germany Joined: |
In related news, the makers of "Big Gulp" and "Big Gulp" related products such as the Patriot University sex doll mascot "Kents Whorevind" went bankrupt today. In a statement from Goldman-Sachs spokesman Rip U. Off, poor education standards were the given cause for the sell off "When guys like Skeptic are teaching students, how can we recommend investing in products that require you to think and drink at the same time?" However, Jack, another associate at Goldman-Sachs and brother of Rip noted "At this time we can fully recommend investing in EvC as ironically, at the exact time of the Big Gulp incident, the signal to noise ratio at EvC has greatly improved."
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MrHambre Member (Idle past 1393 days) Posts: 1495 From: Framingham, MA, USA Joined: |
A positive DNA identification of Skeptick's fetid corpse may not be forthcoming, since forensic pathologists involved in the autopsy conceded that "we don't know anything about DNA anyway." Other researchers claimed they hadn't read the chapter because they left their backpack on the bus.
The Nazi Abortionist Atheist Conspiracy to Rebel Against God had not returned our phone call as of this edition. The dark nursery of evolution is very dark indeed. Brad McFall
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