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Author Topic:   More Evidence of Flatulent Demons
Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 1 of 15 (83063)
02-04-2004 3:36 PM


The Magnitude of Evil Power in Flatulence: While most studies of "greenhouse gasses" focus on carbon dioxide, methane is twenty-one times (21x) more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere, a fact attributed to the larger size of the CH4 molecule.
A Significant Source of Evil Flatulence: A cow can emit demonic flatulence at the rate of 280 liters of methane per day!
Cattle herds in the U.S. emit approximately six million metric tons of methane into the atmosphere per year!
Worldwide, livestock produces about 80 million metric tons of methane annually!
[Retired Product]
In the past two centuries, atmospheric methane has more than doubled due in part to livestock flatulence.
Potential Evil Effects of Flatulence: Some scientists speculate that current global warming, fueled by demonic flatulence, eventually can lead to the release of additional evil methane if the oceans warm substantially. That's because vast amounts of methane are frozen beneath the ocean floors just waiting to be released to do Satan's dirty stinking work. Once the atmosphere and oceans begin to warm, it's possible that more and more of the trapped demon methane will thaw and bubble out.
Flatulent-induced Armageddon? "A tremendous release of methane gas frozen beneath the sea floor 55 million years ago was responsible for heating up the Earth by seven degrees, a study has revealed. The phenomenon could occur again and cause an acceleration of the current, pollution-related global warming process."
[http://www.climateark.org/articles/2001/4th/prmegasw.htm]
The additional evidence given above should serve to convince the reader that demons and evil angels are witnessed by farts as we previously have been warned.
Pass the Beano

Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by Prozacman, posted 02-04-2004 4:50 PM Abshalom has replied

Prozacman
Inactive Member


Message 2 of 15 (83083)
02-04-2004 4:50 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by Abshalom
02-04-2004 3:36 PM


Are you saying that every time I fart I excorsize a demon from my rectal cavity??
[This message has been edited by Prozacman, 02-04-2004]

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Abshalom, posted 02-04-2004 3:36 PM Abshalom has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 3 by Abshalom, posted 02-04-2004 6:21 PM Prozacman has not replied
 Message 5 by Stephen ben Yeshua, posted 02-05-2004 2:56 AM Prozacman has not replied

Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 3 of 15 (83116)
02-04-2004 6:21 PM
Reply to: Message 2 by Prozacman
02-04-2004 4:50 PM


Yep, Prozac, I'm with Stephen on this one. I think the sulfurous content proves it.
Peace.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by Prozacman, posted 02-04-2004 4:50 PM Prozacman has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 4 by Loudmouth, posted 02-04-2004 6:38 PM Abshalom has not replied

Loudmouth
Inactive Member


Message 4 of 15 (83121)
02-04-2004 6:38 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by Abshalom
02-04-2004 6:21 PM


quote:
I think the sulfurous content proves it.
Using the hypothetico-deductive method, I have determined this as well. When Soddom and Gommorah (sp?) were destroyed, the smell of brimstone (sulfur) was reported. This is due to the demons leaving the bodies of the dying in a Niagra like like outflowing. Our small, but paint peeling exuates are proof of demons leaving our bodies as evidenced by the scripture.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by Abshalom, posted 02-04-2004 6:21 PM Abshalom has not replied

Stephen ben Yeshua
Inactive Member


Message 5 of 15 (83270)
02-05-2004 2:56 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by Prozacman
02-04-2004 4:50 PM


P.
You ask,
Are you saying that every time I fart I excorsize a demon from my rectal cavity??
You wish! It has been suggested that everytime you kick a demon out, there is some natural emission, belching, farting, vomiting, yawning, coughing, sighing. But, those natural emissions could be natural. If you are a scoffer, your demons send the fart out alone, and keep themselves inside you, messing with your ability to think. Or so the theory goes.
Cheers.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by Prozacman, posted 02-04-2004 4:50 PM Prozacman has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 6 by Mammuthus, posted 02-05-2004 6:00 AM Stephen ben Yeshua has not replied
 Message 9 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 12:48 PM Stephen ben Yeshua has not replied

Mammuthus
Member (Idle past 6475 days)
Posts: 3085
From: Munich, Germany
Joined: 08-09-2002


Message 6 of 15 (83291)
02-05-2004 6:00 AM
Reply to: Message 5 by Stephen ben Yeshua
02-05-2004 2:56 AM


Lonely Fart Club Band
quote:
your demons send the fart out alone
I hate that when it happens. I lobbied Fox News to issue a warning to irresponible demons "It's 3 am, do you know where your fart is?" but O'Reilly claimed it was unecessary as he knows where his farts are at all times. What will happen to those poor lonely farts? Without supervision they will turn into mindless, stinky, windy sacks of air and ultimatley old farts who come to message boards and make strange non-scientific claims about the nature of science. The plausibility of this scenario just increased from 0.6 to 0.7 because it is clear that Janet Jackson's nipple protector was not made of real gold.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 5 by Stephen ben Yeshua, posted 02-05-2004 2:56 AM Stephen ben Yeshua has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 7 by crashfrog, posted 02-05-2004 6:58 AM Mammuthus has not replied

crashfrog
Member (Idle past 1467 days)
Posts: 19762
From: Silver Spring, MD
Joined: 03-20-2003


Message 7 of 15 (83298)
02-05-2004 6:58 AM
Reply to: Message 6 by Mammuthus
02-05-2004 6:00 AM


but O'Reilly claimed it was unecessary as he knows where his farts are at all times.
You know his motto: "The sh*t stops here"...
The plausibility of this scenario just increased from 0.6 to 0.7 because it is clear that Janet Jackson's nipple protector was not made of real gold.
That's "nipple shield" - it could hardly protect, as the item is worn by inserting a pierced nipple through the hole in the middle and securing it with a bar through the nipple... Does that affect your plausibility calculation? Don't forget to carry the 2.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 6 by Mammuthus, posted 02-05-2004 6:00 AM Mammuthus has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 8 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 12:42 PM crashfrog has not replied

Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 8 of 15 (83390)
02-05-2004 12:42 PM
Reply to: Message 7 by crashfrog
02-05-2004 6:58 AM


O'Really?
In Message #7, and regarding Ms. Jackson's obviously alien space craft breast attachment, Crash says, "That's 'nipple shield (to you)' - it could hardly protect, as the item is worn by inserting a pierced nipple through the hole in the middle and securing it with a bar through the nipple... "
Well, thanks a whole hell of a lot for goin' and gettin' all factual about it, Dr. Frog.
(Party Pooper)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 7 by crashfrog, posted 02-05-2004 6:58 AM crashfrog has not replied

Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 9 of 15 (83394)
02-05-2004 12:48 PM
Reply to: Message 5 by Stephen ben Yeshua
02-05-2004 2:56 AM


Demonic Bubonics
Stephen informs our little science class here that, "It has been suggested that everytime you kick a demon out, there is some natural emission, belching, farting, vomiting, yawning, coughing, sighing."
Tomorrow's lab assignment will include the examination of pimples, boils, subcutaneous cysts, warts, blisters, and bubos (no, not boobies) for evidence of demonic influence.
Be Prepared
[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]

This message is a reply to:
 Message 5 by Stephen ben Yeshua, posted 02-05-2004 2:56 AM Stephen ben Yeshua has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 10 by Coragyps, posted 02-05-2004 12:55 PM Abshalom has replied

Coragyps
Member (Idle past 735 days)
Posts: 5553
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


Message 10 of 15 (83398)
02-05-2004 12:55 PM
Reply to: Message 9 by Abshalom
02-05-2004 12:48 PM


Re: Demonic Bubonics
What about emerods? Those plagued with emerods and mice demand equal time!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 9 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 12:48 PM Abshalom has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 11 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 1:28 PM Coragyps has not replied
 Message 12 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 1:48 PM Coragyps has replied

Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 11 of 15 (83404)
02-05-2004 1:28 PM
Reply to: Message 10 by Coragyps
02-05-2004 12:55 PM


Those Hellish Emerods
Coragyps:
A search for "emerods" in the dictionary turned up zilch.
However, when I murmured "emerods, emerods, emerods" three times kinda fast, I came to the conclusion that you may be referring to that scourge of hellfire commonly known as "hemorrhoids."
I will definitely take a closer look at the possibility that hemorroids, one of mankind's most common and nagging disorders, may be associated with demons or evil angels. The possiblity does seem real.
In the meantime, keep the anal area clean, using a mild soap and gentle dabbing after a bowel movement. Avoid vigorous rubbing of the area. Keep the anus and hemorrhoids as dry as possible, using talcum powder and a pad of soft tissue to absorb moisture. Eat a diet high in fiber and roughage. Fiber and bran retain water in the stool, producing soft, bulky stools which are easier to pass and reduce the tendency to develop hemorrhoids. Avoid straining when having a bowel movement. [Not Found]
And of course, pray and pay those tythes.
Peace.
[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]

This message is a reply to:
 Message 10 by Coragyps, posted 02-05-2004 12:55 PM Coragyps has not replied

Abshalom
Inactive Member


Message 12 of 15 (83408)
02-05-2004 1:48 PM
Reply to: Message 10 by Coragyps
02-05-2004 12:55 PM


The Evil of Emerods
Coragyps:
My apologies. I spoke way too soon. A more thorough search turns up these and other citations regarding "emerods:"
Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
1 Samuel 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, [even] Ashdod and the coasts thereof.
1 Samuel 5:9 And it was [so], that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.
1 Samuel 5:12 And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.
Which only prove the close relationship between hemorroids and demons.
Peace
[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]

This message is a reply to:
 Message 10 by Coragyps, posted 02-05-2004 12:55 PM Coragyps has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 13 by Coragyps, posted 02-05-2004 1:54 PM Abshalom has not replied

Coragyps
Member (Idle past 735 days)
Posts: 5553
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


Message 13 of 15 (83411)
02-05-2004 1:54 PM
Reply to: Message 12 by Abshalom
02-05-2004 1:48 PM


Re: The Evil of Emerods
The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt,
Ewwww. I hate it when that happens!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 12 by Abshalom, posted 02-05-2004 1:48 PM Abshalom has not replied

Adminnemooseus
Administrator
Posts: 3974
Joined: 09-26-2002


Message 14 of 15 (83757)
02-06-2004 12:15 AM


Pretty funny, with some serious global warming considerations thrown in.
I, however, feel obligated to pass this column of gas over to the flatulent forum.
Adminnemooseus

Adminnemooseus
Administrator
Posts: 3974
Joined: 09-26-2002


Message 15 of 15 (83758)
02-06-2004 12:16 AM


Thread copied to the More Evidence of Flatulent Demons thread in the Free For All forum, this copy of the thread has been closed.

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