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Author Topic:   The Return of Humor
Adminnemooseus
Administrator
Posts: 3974
Joined: 09-26-2002


Message 136 of 302 (140871)
09-08-2004 1:11 AM


New variation on the Nigerian scam theme
My ISP's spam filter has been very effective, but something still occassionly slips through.
Shean Ohara & Associates,
#456 Delta Road Ikoton Av.
Apapa.
Lagos Nigeria.
Dear Adminnemooseus ,
I am Barrister Shean O'hara a solicitor at law. I am the
Personal attorney to Mr.Mark Adminnemooseus a national of
your country, who used to own an oil servicing company
in Nigeria. On the 10st of April 2002,my client, his
wife and their three Children were involved in a plane
crash involving an ADC Airline which claimed their
lives.
Since then I have made several inquiries to your
embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives
but this has proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to
track his last name over the Internet, to locate any
member of his family hence I contacted you. ...
It goes on quite a bit further, but I think the above is enough.
Seems that the Adminnemoooseus family has some shady members (with Halliburton connections?).
Adminnemooseus

Replies to this message:
 Message 137 by jar, posted 09-08-2004 1:26 AM Adminnemooseus has replied

jar
Member (Idle past 394 days)
Posts: 34026
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004


Message 137 of 302 (140875)
09-08-2004 1:26 AM
Reply to: Message 136 by Adminnemooseus
09-08-2004 1:11 AM


Re: New variation on the Nigerian scam theme
We always knew you were something special. Now, with the new wealth you've gained, will you stock the community bar with something better than Old Milwaukee?

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

This message is a reply to:
 Message 136 by Adminnemooseus, posted 09-08-2004 1:11 AM Adminnemooseus has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 138 by Adminnemooseus, posted 09-08-2004 1:36 AM jar has not replied

Adminnemooseus
Administrator
Posts: 3974
Joined: 09-26-2002


Message 138 of 302 (140876)
09-08-2004 1:36 AM
Reply to: Message 137 by jar
09-08-2004 1:26 AM


Re: New variation on the Nigerian scam theme
I'm guessing that others here are getting their personal variation of the message. This forum is the only home of Adminnemooseus.
I'll direct Barrister Shean O'hara to invest the money in Huber Bock beer, to be shipped to Admin@. Percy can start a new announcements topic to distribute the beer.
AM

This message is a reply to:
 Message 137 by jar, posted 09-08-2004 1:26 AM jar has not replied

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 139 of 302 (140882)
09-08-2004 2:08 AM


I deleted an email yesterday. Now, I really regreted about not saving it.
I got an email from a lesbian couple who wanted to find a sperm donor because they wanted to have a baby. My roommate and I couldn't stop laughing after we read the email.

The Laminator
We are the bog. Resistance is voltage over current.
For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 140 of 302 (141143)
09-09-2004 1:59 AM


Here is one that I think is absolutely great!
Replying to an invitation to the Scientist's Ball:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought of it.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Freud asked: "Can I come with my mother?"
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined - he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash.
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
And Pavlov? Pavlov was just drooling at the thought.

The Laminator
We are the bog. Resistance is voltage over current.
For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 141 of 302 (154693)
10-31-2004 10:25 PM


Why thin, flat things rise and glide on the way down: physicists finally solve the falling-paper problem!
http://www.physorg.com/news1630.html

He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
The longest word in the English language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Yaro
Member (Idle past 6496 days)
Posts: 1797
Joined: 07-12-2003


Message 142 of 302 (159042)
11-13-2004 11:34 AM


Heres a good one
This guy dies and shows up at the pearly gates. The angle there greats him:
"Hi, welcome to heaven! Would you like a tour before you go to your new residence?"
The man replies: "Sure that would be great!"
So the angle takes him thrugh the gates and they start walking down a golden path. Soon they come upon an area full of minerats, mosques, Music and song.
The man asks "What is this?". The angel replies "This is the muslem heaven, you see we build each religion a special heaven per their ideological specifications."
They continue walking, soon they come across a heaven where everyone is medittating, radiating light and chanting. "This is the Buhdist heaven where all achive enlightenment and 'oneness' with the unverse."
Onward they travel till they come to a heaven with people dancing in the streats, drinking wine, and generaly having a good time. "This is the heaven of the Jews where no one has to worry, and all earthly plesures are shared by all."
Finaly they come to a heaven done up in a gothic style, huge cathedrals and crosses. It is very still here except for the faint music of harps. The angel says "Shhhh... we must be very quiet."
The man asks "Why do we need to be quiet?"
The angel replies: "This is the christian heaven, and they think their the only ones here."
This message has been edited by Yaro, 11-13-2004 11:36 AM

Silent H
Member (Idle past 5820 days)
Posts: 7405
From: satellite of love
Joined: 12-11-2002


Message 143 of 302 (159699)
11-15-2004 11:19 AM


nevermind
I originally posted a link to a news story I thought was funny. It turns out to be a hoax. I suppose that's two jokes in one, it was funny and I bought it.
In any case the joke was on me and so I'm killing the post so as not to spread any false news reports.
This message has been edited by holmes, 11-17-2004 02:35 PM

holmes
"...what a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.."(D. Bros)

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 144 of 302 (164842)
12-03-2004 6:44 AM


A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. - "Nurse,"- he mumbles from behind the mask, -"are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, -"I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again to ask, -"Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, -"There's nothing wrong with them!" The man slowly removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, -"That was very nice but listen very, very closely - are.... my... test...results...back?

Replies to this message:
 Message 149 by Silent H, posted 12-08-2004 7:58 AM coffee_addict has not replied

Dr Jack
Member
Posts: 3514
From: Immigrant in the land of Deutsch
Joined: 07-14-2003
Member Rating: 8.7


Message 145 of 302 (165851)
12-07-2004 6:41 AM


A very, very funny story
Link
(Completely Work Safe)

Replies to this message:
 Message 146 by Ooook!, posted 12-07-2004 8:27 AM Dr Jack has replied

Ooook!
Member (Idle past 5815 days)
Posts: 340
From: London, UK
Joined: 09-29-2003


Message 146 of 302 (165856)
12-07-2004 8:27 AM
Reply to: Message 145 by Dr Jack
12-07-2004 6:41 AM


ROFL!!
That is priceless.
I especially liked : "The chap who booked him didn't realise. The DJ sounded white on the phone."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 145 by Dr Jack, posted 12-07-2004 6:41 AM Dr Jack has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 147 by Dr Jack, posted 12-07-2004 8:50 AM Ooook! has not replied

Dr Jack
Member
Posts: 3514
From: Immigrant in the land of Deutsch
Joined: 07-14-2003
Member Rating: 8.7


Message 147 of 302 (165859)
12-07-2004 8:50 AM
Reply to: Message 146 by Ooook!
12-07-2004 8:27 AM


Yup. The BNP: we're not racist; would we lie to you, guv'nor?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 146 by Ooook!, posted 12-07-2004 8:27 AM Ooook! has not replied

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 148 of 302 (165990)
12-07-2004 5:52 PM


Top 10 Bushisms
40 Classic Bushisms and Gaffes
quote:
The Dumbest Things President Bush Said in 2004
10) "I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004
9) "Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004
8) "Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004
7) "I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country." Washington, D.C. Jan. 14, 2004
6) "We will make sure our troops have all that is necessary to complete their missions. That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel." Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004
5) "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week we will have an all-volunteer army!" Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)
4) "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
3) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)
2) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
1) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video)

Silent H
Member (Idle past 5820 days)
Posts: 7405
From: satellite of love
Joined: 12-11-2002


Message 149 of 302 (166171)
12-08-2004 7:58 AM
Reply to: Message 144 by coffee_addict
12-03-2004 6:44 AM


Just to let you know, I didn't find the joke funny, though I wasn't sure why. I told it to my gf just to try it on on someone else and she laughed like crazy. Maybe it's better said then read.

holmes
"...what a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.."(D. Bros)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 144 by coffee_addict, posted 12-03-2004 6:44 AM coffee_addict has not replied

RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 150 of 302 (171596)
12-26-2004 6:01 PM


SO this is where the jokes are.
How many ID-ists does it take to change a lightbulb?
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . none . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it's too complex.

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAAmerican.Zen[Deist
{{{Buddha walks off laughing with joy}}}

Replies to this message:
 Message 151 by Phat, posted 12-26-2004 6:17 PM RAZD has not replied

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