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Author | Topic: The Return of Humor | ||||||||||||||
Phat Member Posts: 18338 From: Denver,Colorado USA Joined: Member Rating: 1.0 |
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come inpacks of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. Well, he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating. The girl leans over and says, You never told me that you were such a religious person. He leans over to her and says, You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1431 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
two men walked into a bar
the third man ducked (an oldie but a goody)
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berberry Inactive Member |
Not really a joke, but I thought this photo was amusing. Maybe some of you will like it. It's from photo.net.
Keep America Safe AND Free! |
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Silent H Member (Idle past 5846 days) Posts: 7405 From: satellite of love Joined: |
Hope this isn't too old...
One winter morning, George Bush opened his office curtains to find the words "BUSH IS AN IDIOT" written in the snow using a well known yellow substance. More upsetting than it's message was the fact that it was on White House grounds so close to where he works. Immediately the Secret Service opened an investigation. Before the day was out a grim looking agent approached Mr Bush and said "Mr President, I have bad news, and I have worse news." When Bush asked for the bad news the agent informed him that a variety of chemical analyses had positively identified the urine as Dick Cheney's. Flabbergasted, the president collapsed in a chair and asked "What's the worse news?" The agent replied, "It's in Laura's handwriting." holmes "...what a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.."(D. Bros) |
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epoch9 Inactive Junior Member |
What do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection?
a quarter pounder with cheese.
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epoch9 Inactive Junior Member |
this is one I like to bring out when people are being snobs to me about this food or that food.
Q: Have you ever had Ethiopian food?them: why no I haven't A: well, neither have they. yup... twice the flavor with half the taste.
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epoch9 Inactive Junior Member |
this was a joke ( I think ) that a jewish friend said to me while we were hanging out in the good ole' army surplus store.
him: my gandfather died in a concentration camp.me: (not really paying attention) oh...sorry dude. him: yeah he fell out of a guard tower. at this point dear reader I just stared at him for about five minutes and then busted out laughing for like two hours.
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christian atheist Inactive Member |
What's a rectangular bear?
A polar bear lost in the cartesian coordinate system. What's 5*4*3*2*1?FIVE! ^^^^----A lot funnier if you yell it out loud.
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mikehager Member (Idle past 6493 days) Posts: 534 Joined: |
Do you want to know the true name of god?
It's Harold. Want to know how I know? It's right there in the Lord's Prayer... Our Father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name.
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1431 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
roll across the road?
... ...
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Dan Carroll Inactive Member |
I don't know if this one's been done yet, and don't feel like going through eleven pages. So I'll risk repeating a joke.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg looks frustrated, while the chicken looks nice and relaxed. The chicken lights a cigarette, turns to the egg, and says, "I guess that settles that."
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1431 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
(from http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/6174/evolutio.htm -- the reference cited may be correct, but I have a feeling this one is urban legend material)
Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught. Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following: 1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist. 2. The alledged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain. 3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn. 4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child. 5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing. 6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork. (Original version by Erkki Aalto, Dept. of Obstetrics, Gynaecology and Stork Science, University of Helsinki. English version by Jopi Louko, Institute of Stork Research, University of Alberta) You could also add that there are (several?) instances where children have been born where no sexual intercourse has been observed ... Enjollyjoy. we are limited in our ability to understand by our ability to understand RebelAAmerican.Zen[Deist
{{{Buddha walks off laughing with joy}}} |
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christian atheist Inactive Member |
This isn't funny because it's so wrong. Anyway, the creationists here might get a kick out of it.
Thanks Imageshack! This message has been edited by christian atheist, 01-10-2005 01:06 AM
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1431 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
for a minute there I thought that was one of those "count how many errors you can find" games ....
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berberry Inactive Member |
I don't know if this guy is drunk, high or what (maybe he's just upset about the Ohio election returns), but this has to be one of the most hilariously awful weather forcasts I've ever seen. From Ohio Public Television.
Keep America Safe AND Free!
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