|
Register | Sign In |
|
QuickSearch
EvC Forum active members: 65 (9162 total) |
| |
popoi | |
Total: 915,817 Year: 3,074/9,624 Month: 919/1,588 Week: 102/223 Day: 0/13 Hour: 0/0 |
Thread ▼ Details |
|
|
Author | Topic: The Return of Humor | |||||||||||||||||||
ohnhai Member (Idle past 5162 days) Posts: 649 From: Melbourne, Australia Joined: |
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of the constant bickering.
Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.They spreadsheeted. They reported. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They created labels and cards. They did every known job. And More. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in theUnderworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves." ---------------------------
found here
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Coragyps Member (Idle past 735 days) Posts: 5553 From: Snyder, Texas, USA Joined: |
The Cuddly Menace is rather nice.....
Rachat de voiture HS Vendre voiture accidente
|
|||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
You'd think that she'd check out her facts first before making such statements on tv.
|
|||||||||||||||||||
jar Member (Idle past 394 days) Posts: 34026 From: Texas!! Joined: |
It's entertainment, not news.
Aslan is not a Tame Lion
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Quetzal Member (Idle past 5872 days) Posts: 3228 Joined: |
All I can say is that crystalized alpaca urine must have a serious negative effect on cognition when inhaled...
|
|||||||||||||||||||
berberry Inactive Member |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Site Disabled - FreeServers
quote:
|
|||||||||||||||||||
berberry Inactive Member |
Keep America Safe AND Free! |
|||||||||||||||||||
Dan Carroll Inactive Member |
I love this site:
Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division - dihydrogen monoxide info "Egos drone and pose alone, Like black balloons, all banged and blown On a backwards river, infidels shiver In the stench of belief And tell my mama I'm a hundred years late I'm over the rails and out of the race The crippled psalms of an age that won't thaw ringing in my ears" -Beck
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
That's very disturbing news, Dan, about that DHMO stuff. I had no idea. Do you think it is as dangerous in diluted form?
|
|||||||||||||||||||
New Cat's Eye Inactive Member |
Why doesn't Jesus eat M&M's?
...because they fall throught the holes in his hands.
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Brad McFall Member (Idle past 5033 days) Posts: 3428 From: Ithaca,NY, USA Joined: |
I guess I lied. I could see the difference of MnM and twopac.
|
|||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29.
She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." "$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago. I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me. Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager. So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change. "HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me." I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.
|
|||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed. 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb. 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are "either for changing the light bulb or living in darkness." 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb. 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing under the banner "Light Bulb Change Accomplished." 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book detailing how the Bush Administration is literally in the dark. 8. One to viciously smear number 7. 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies that George Bush has had a strong light-bulb changing policy all along. 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country |
|||||||||||||||||||
Minnemooseus Member Posts: 3941 From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior) Joined: Member Rating: 10.0 |
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something...! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl). "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter." Moose
|
|
|
Do Nothing Button
Copyright 2001-2023 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved
Version 4.2
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2024