In the meantime, I am returning the megaphone to Dan. He's much funnier with it than I could ever hope to be.
Don't blame yourself. It's a tool which requires cunning, subtlety, timing, and an encyclopedic knowledge of profanity.
Give it time. You'll learn.
"You can't expect him to be answering your prayers when he's not real, can you? That's like writing to the characters of a soap opera and expecting a reply, Mr. Silly Sausage!"
-Jane Christie