C'mon Then - Abstinence

Hi Mod, not bad, howaboutye? fancy a discussion then?There are several reasons why i would advocate abstinence.Firstly it is one of the best ways to stop the spread of STDs. Secondly i think that psychologically it is healthier. I say this from a female point of view (can't speak for guys) A discussion i had with some friends of mine whilst i was still thoroughly abstinent brought up the point that it easier to say no to a bloke if you say you have never had sex. Once you've 'done it' there seems little point is holding out. They felt obligated to have sex just because it was now a normal thing to do, even though they weren't really feeling ready for it.Also from my own screwed up life, i've found that i would accept sex/sexual experiences instead of love. Abstinence helps ferret out these false life scripts, and it is these kind of things that education should focus on. Not just sex is bad, don't do it. until you're married.Also as it says in the bible, keep it to yourself until you are in a safe committed relationship! God usually has some pretty good ideas about how we should live our lives. When it comes to one of his most important ones - love your neigbour as yourself - promiscuous sex really breaks that one. Generally loving relationships don't involve having sex then never seeing one another ever again.This message has been edited by bubblelife, 07-04-2005 10:30 AM

Abstinence has helped reduce the spread of STDs, but only when backed by a big program of pushing safe sex as well (q.v. Uganda) where an Abstinence only message has been pushes (q.v. Texas) it has failed to either reduce STDs or teenage pregnancies.Frankly, in British society I believe pushing wide-scale screening for STDs would be a far more effective approach. Nearly all STDs, and all common ones, can be treated quickly and effectively if only they are found while the spread of the remaining few (including the dreaded HIV/AIDS) would doubtless be arrested if people knew they had it.As to the psychological side of things, the people I know who have sex are in general happier and more balanced than those who choose to abstain. Sex, in my experience, breeds self-confidence and all the good things that come with it.

Not bad, actually about to jump in the bath.When educating children regarding sex, there are various techniques.1. Teach them that sex is fine, here are some condoms, go have sex - enjoy yourselves. (hyperbole I know, but I'm keeping it short)2. Teach them that sex is a Big Thing that should be avoided unless married. Having sex before marriage makes you dirty, condoms are not very effective, in fact, did I mention condoms? Forget I said that, just don't have sex till your married and everyone will be fine.3. Teach them that the best way to avoid pregnancy and STDs is to avoid having sex. If they are going to have sex anyway, they should be careful and take suitable measures to protect themselves. Condoms et al. This is not abstincene though. This is about being taught how to handle peer pressure. If anyone feels obligated to have sex with somebody, something has gone horribly wrong. Indeed, I consider it as near rape as is possible. I had a girlfriend once who said she felt the same way, that she felt obligated to engage in sexual activities because I was a man. I dumped her shortly afterwards.So sure, abstinence is good. No questions there. However, because we know that we cannot force, or pressure teens into NOT having sex (Abstinence only teaching does not work), we have to teach them about contraception as well. And that's the central debate really, should we ONLY teach teenagers abstinence, or should we provide them with all the weapons and defences they might need to keep safe.Pro-abstinence (abstinence is one of those words that sound silly very quickly when you say it often) supporters would have us believe that teaching kids about condoms is passively encouraging them to go out and shag.

I agree that abstinence teaching doesn't have good results. I think this was highlighted in an article i read quite recently that said that kids wanted more emotional education when it comes to sex rather than such a biological approach.The approach is crucial, demonising sex is and always will be very wrong and will just give people crazy complexes. It should however be promoted that sex is more than a 'sport/recreation' and that it will affect the people involved emotionally.

Will it?

Yeah i know the whole 'felt obligated thing sucks' but surprisingly it's quite common. There are a number of people out there who don't have a clear boundary when it comes to pleasing other people. This is something that i think would be of value if taught to girls especially in sex education.

I think so. From my expereince i have had a number of different emotional responses to sex. I know other who agree with me. There are different aspects of course. In a relationship the emotions have a continuity, and one night stands, although isolated incidents have an emotional undercurrent of their own. Can you honestly say that no sexual experience has touched you emotionally? and i don't mean crying.

I don't think anyone has a problem with abstinence. It's definitely a wise decision for many, especially teenagers. And no one will argue it is the best method of preventing the spread of STDs.The problem is when abstinence is sold as the ONLY option and any alternative means you're going directly to hell where you'll be..... well you know how it goes. That is irresponsible and a disservice to humanity.

I'm certainly not arguing that sexual experiences are never emotionally significant. However, I don't think they all are.

I guess the significance could be debated, but i think there will always be an emotional resonance as there is in connection with most of our actions. However it should be highlighted that two people having sex often are doing so for slightly different purposes (particularly when youngsters) and the significance may be much greater for one than the other. I think that the consideration of the feelings of the other in such a situation is often bypassed. Considering the other persons wellbeing certainly wasn't on my agenda whilst a teenager, an sometimes not even now, and i think that is a sad thing. I think society would be healthier if we were taught to be more considerate.

Maybe somebody could explain to me how a 80-pound girl is supposed to "abstain" from being raped by her 200-pound linebacker boyfriend.

I don't know crash, but to put this in the context of the thread we have to explore how an 80-pound girl is going to convince her 200-pound rapist boyfriend to put a condom on.

Rape and the choice of abstinence are two entirely different things.Unfortunately rape is such a taboo and difficult topic that we have no idea of the actual scale of the problem.The lack of communication and drug/alcohol use and the unfamiliararity with sexual situations can often lead to rapes that are not easily classified as such if it comes to presenting proof to a jury. This is a huge problem that as confusing and uncomfortable a topic as it is should be taught to teenagers, because it is sadly a reality. Clear boundaries and continual communicationshould be priorites when it comes to sexual experiences.This is also an example of the problem of lack of consideration that we can have for each other. If the 'linebacker' had more of a social conscience would he have acted the way he did? Or indeed maybe he was abused himself, i recall it is something like 80% of sexual abusers are people who have been abused themselves. Another touchy subject.

She could tell him she has full blown AIDs, but if he's under 18 he may not know what she's talking about

Yes they are, but the problem is that sex is sex, no matter what.The problem with abstinence is that abstinence does not reliably prevent sexual activity, and moreover, usually ensures that any sexual activity is unprotected.