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Author | Topic: The Return of Humor | |||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing ouradvanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned icecream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today." |
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or
leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the Pope won, they would have to leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi, Moishe, to representthem in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a fullminute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger. Next the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to theground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishepulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishewas too clever and that the Jews could stay. Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said,"First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. "Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He respondedby pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. "I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. Hepulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue." Meanwhile, the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "Whathappened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that we had three days to get out ofItaly, so I said to him, 'Up yours.' "Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said tohim, 'Mr. Pope, we're staying right here.' " "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows?" said Moishe. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Monkey
I love commercials like this. Here are a few more funny ones. Kill Bill DVD Suck It In How to Fold a Shirt Steve Ballmer Sells Windows 1.0
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 477 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Someone just linked me to this.
New SAT questions.
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berberry Inactive Member |
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berberry Inactive Member |
Have you seen the new GE commercial that features an elephant in a rainforest dancing to Singin' In The Rain? It cracked me up when I saw it. It doesn't seem to be running very often, but you can watch it online at Adrants, along with another amusing GE spot featuring a bunch of scantily clad hunks and babes toiling in a coal mine to Mel Travis' Sixteen Tons.
Under the headline "Perfect Bodied Coal Miners Strike A Pose In New GE Ad", you'll find the links at the end of the third paragraph. The Singin' In The Rain ad is the best one, imo. Well worth a few minutes for the download. Keep America Safe AND Free!
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CK Member (Idle past 4128 days) Posts: 3221 Joined: |
I thought you meant.....
http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=20205
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berberry Inactive Member |
That's good too, but I like the elephant better.
Keep America Safe AND Free!
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berberry Inactive Member |
Hilarious!
"I think younger workers first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." George W. Bush, May 4, 2005 |
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Scaryfish Junior Member (Idle past 6291 days) Posts: 30 From: New Zealand Joined: |
I'm not sure if this has already been posted, but it's one of my favourites. 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
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berberry Inactive Member |
From The Huffington Post:
Question for Duncan Hunter: So, apparently torturing prisoners is ok, as long as you follow that up by serving two types of fruit with dinner? "I think younger workers first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." George W. Bush, May 4, 2005 |
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Andya Primanda Inactive Member |
Maybe some of you might already noticed this, but it's...just...funny!
quote: Archives – Uncommon Descent
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berberry Inactive Member |
"I think younger workers first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." George W. Bush, May 4, 2005 |
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kjsimons Member Posts: 821 From: Orlando,FL Joined: Member Rating: 6.7 |
Google Moon
Zoom all the way in!
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berberry Inactive Member |
Humor from Tom Tomorrow.
"I think younger workers first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." George W. Bush, May 4, 2005 |
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