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Author Topic:   Humor Strikes back
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 31 of 217 (255383)
10-28-2005 5:40 PM


a gross one.
How does a mathematician solve his constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.

  
tsig
Member (Idle past 2909 days)
Posts: 738
From: USA
Joined: 04-09-2004


Message 32 of 217 (255402)
10-28-2005 7:35 PM
Reply to: Message 20 by berberry
10-18-2005 9:48 AM


Re: Battle Hymn of the Republicans
Fantastic! Got it just right.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 20 by berberry, posted 10-18-2005 9:48 AM berberry has not replied

  
Phat
Member
Posts: 18262
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 33 of 217 (255525)
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


You never know whats on the road ahead
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
Monday morning - it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished but amazingly, neither of them are hurt.
God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a
man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God
that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for
the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,
this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at
this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but
this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this
wine and celebrate our good fortune. "
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the
bottle, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the
bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to
the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

Replies to this message:
 Message 34 by berberry, posted 10-29-2005 7:33 PM Phat has not replied
 Message 35 by macaroniandcheese, posted 10-31-2005 12:46 AM Phat has not replied

  
berberry
Inactive Member


Message 34 of 217 (255535)
10-29-2005 7:33 PM
Reply to: Message 33 by Phat
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
That's hilarious, Phat. Best joke I've heard in a while.

"We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you."-George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss.,
Sept. 20, 2005.

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macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3928 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 35 of 217 (255740)
10-31-2005 12:46 AM
Reply to: Message 33 by Phat
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
haha. women may be bad drivers, but we're smart victims

This message is a reply to:
 Message 33 by Phat, posted 10-29-2005 6:40 PM Phat has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 36 by iano, posted 11-01-2005 7:51 AM macaroniandcheese has not replied

  
iano
Member (Idle past 1941 days)
Posts: 6165
From: Co. Wicklow, Ireland.
Joined: 07-27-2005


Message 36 of 217 (255955)
11-01-2005 7:51 AM
Reply to: Message 35 by macaroniandcheese
10-31-2005 12:46 AM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
brennakimi writes:
haha. women may be bad drivers, but we're smart victims
Ain't that the truth
Nice one Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 35 by macaroniandcheese, posted 10-31-2005 12:46 AM macaroniandcheese has not replied

  
macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3928 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 37 of 217 (256087)
11-01-2005 6:50 PM


whites only
the best laugh in a while. mostly work safe article with one small nonsexual picture.
This message has been edited by brennakimi, 11-01-2005 06:50 PM

And why you think you take a Ho to a Ho-tel
Ho-tell everybody, even the mayor
Reach up in the sky for the Ho-zone layer
Now C'mon playa wants a Ho always
And Ho's neva close, they open like hallways

  
coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 38 of 217 (256091)
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Dear God...
Ok, fine. I edited the whole thing so you guys could access the images. Sheeeese... you guys are a whiny bunch.
This message has been edited by Lam, 11-01-2005 10:33 PM

Replies to this message:
 Message 39 by coffee_addict, posted 11-01-2005 10:42 PM coffee_addict has not replied
 Message 40 by macaroniandcheese, posted 11-01-2005 10:54 PM coffee_addict has not replied

  
coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 477 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 39 of 217 (256111)
11-01-2005 10:42 PM
Reply to: Message 38 by coffee_addict
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Re: Dear God...
There, it's fixed. Like I said, you people are a whiny bunch.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 38 by coffee_addict, posted 11-01-2005 7:30 PM coffee_addict has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 41 by nwr, posted 11-01-2005 10:56 PM coffee_addict has not replied

  
macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3928 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 40 of 217 (256112)
11-01-2005 10:54 PM
Reply to: Message 38 by coffee_addict
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Re: Dear God...
omg that's so cute *dies*

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nwr
Member
Posts: 6408
From: Geneva, Illinois
Joined: 08-08-2005
Member Rating: 5.1


Message 41 of 217 (256113)
11-01-2005 10:56 PM
Reply to: Message 39 by coffee_addict
11-01-2005 10:42 PM


Re: Dear God...
There, it's fixed. Like I said, you people are a whiny bunch.
I wasn't whining. Just informing you. I can survive with the humor thread.
Now that I can read them, they're not bad.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 39 by coffee_addict, posted 11-01-2005 10:42 PM coffee_addict has not replied

  
Phat
Member
Posts: 18262
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 42 of 217 (256782)
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


"How Gullible Are We?"
A number of years ago a freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And, for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty three (43) said yes,
six (6) were undecided,
and only one (1) knew that the chemical was.
Dihydrogen monoxide is water!
The title of his prize winning project: "How Gullible Are We?"

Replies to this message:
 Message 43 by ringo, posted 11-04-2005 1:10 PM Phat has not replied
 Message 44 by Omnivorous, posted 11-04-2005 1:59 PM Phat has not replied
 Message 45 by RAZD, posted 11-04-2005 7:58 PM Phat has not replied
 Message 46 by Funkaloyd, posted 11-04-2005 9:37 PM Phat has not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 412 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 43 of 217 (256797)
11-04-2005 1:10 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Phat
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
Reminds me of Talking to Americans.
(Disclaimer: This website is intended for entertainment purposes only. In reality, many Americans are highly intelligent and capable of living productive lives. No Americans were harmed in the making of this website.)

People who think they have all the answers usually don't understand the questions.

This message is a reply to:
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Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


Message 44 of 217 (256816)
11-04-2005 1:59 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Phat
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
Phat writes:
He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
Funny, and more than faintly disturbing.
That you could engage good intentions with unfamiliar nomenclature and misleading language hardly seems like a science project (maybe political science, more tenuously psychology), nor does it demonstrate any gullibility other than the student's.
Perhaps he could have imbibed river water for a few months to show how alarmist environmentalists really are. Of course, if he had included the substances (heavy metals, PCBs, raw sewage, etc.) commonly found in our waterways, then the petition would in fact make sense.
I'm trying to recall a real world case where warnings about a pollutant turned out to be alarmist and based on junk science.
From there, I'd like to compare a list of authentic environmental toxins tolerated by law with alarmist, junk science ones...you know, just for laughs...

This message is a reply to:
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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 45 of 217 (256955)
11-04-2005 7:58 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Phat
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
you can also call it hydroxic acid (H-OH)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 42 by Phat, posted 11-04-2005 11:49 AM Phat has not replied

  
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