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Author Topic:   Humor Strikes back
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 31 of 217 (255383)
10-28-2005 5:40 PM


a gross one.
How does a mathematician solve his constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.


  
tsig
Member (Idle past 1074 days)
Posts: 738
From: USA
Joined: 04-09-2004


Message 32 of 217 (255402)
10-28-2005 7:35 PM
Reply to: Message 20 by berberry
10-18-2005 9:48 AM


Re: Battle Hymn of the Republicans
Fantastic! Got it just right.
This message is a reply to:
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Thugpreacha
Member
Posts: 12417
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.2


Message 33 of 217 (255525)
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


You never know whats on the road ahead
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold

Monday morning - it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally

demolished but amazingly, neither of them are hurt.

God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a

man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!

There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God

that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for

the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,

this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at

this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but

this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this

wine and celebrate our good fortune. "

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the

bottle, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the

bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to

the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "


Replies to this message:
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berberry
Inactive Member


Message 34 of 217 (255535)
10-29-2005 7:33 PM
Reply to: Message 33 by Thugpreacha
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
That's hilarious, Phat. Best joke I've heard in a while.


"We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you."-George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss.,
Sept. 20, 2005.
This message is a reply to:
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macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 2093 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 35 of 217 (255740)
10-31-2005 12:46 AM
Reply to: Message 33 by Thugpreacha
10-29-2005 6:40 PM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
haha. women may be bad drivers, but we're smart victims :p
This message is a reply to:
 Message 33 by Thugpreacha, posted 10-29-2005 6:40 PM Thugpreacha has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
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iano
Member (Idle past 106 days)
Posts: 6165
From: Co. Wicklow, Ireland.
Joined: 07-27-2005


Message 36 of 217 (255955)
11-01-2005 7:51 AM
Reply to: Message 35 by macaroniandcheese
10-31-2005 12:46 AM


Re: You never know whats on the road ahead
brennakimi writes:

haha. women may be bad drivers, but we're smart victims

Ain't that the truth :)

Nice one Phat


This message is a reply to:
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macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 2093 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 37 of 217 (256087)
11-01-2005 6:50 PM


whites only

the best laugh in a while. mostly work safe article with one small nonsexual picture.

This message has been edited by brennakimi, 11-01-2005 06:50 PM


And why you think you take a Ho to a Ho-tel
Ho-tell everybody, even the mayor
Reach up in the sky for the Ho-zone layer
Now C'mon playa wants a Ho always
And Ho's neva close, they open like hallways
  
Lammy
Member (Idle past 20 days)
Posts: 3607
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 38 of 217 (256091)
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Dear God...
Ok, fine. I edited the whole thing so you guys could access the images. Sheeeese... you guys are a whiny bunch.







This message has been edited by Lam, 11-01-2005 10:33 PM


Replies to this message:
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Lammy
Member (Idle past 20 days)
Posts: 3607
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 39 of 217 (256111)
11-01-2005 10:42 PM
Reply to: Message 38 by Lammy
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Re: Dear God...
There, it's fixed. Like I said, you people are a whiny bunch.
This message is a reply to:
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Replies to this message:
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macaroniandcheese 
Suspended Member (Idle past 2093 days)
Posts: 4258
Joined: 05-24-2004


Message 40 of 217 (256112)
11-01-2005 10:54 PM
Reply to: Message 38 by Lammy
11-01-2005 7:30 PM


Re: Dear God...
omg that's so cute *dies*
This message is a reply to:
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nwr
Member
Posts: 5585
From: Geneva, Illinois
Joined: 08-08-2005


Message 41 of 217 (256113)
11-01-2005 10:56 PM
Reply to: Message 39 by Lammy
11-01-2005 10:42 PM


Re: Dear God...
There, it's fixed. Like I said, you people are a whiny bunch.

I wasn't whining. Just informing you. I can survive with the humor thread.

Now that I can read them, they're not bad.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 39 by Lammy, posted 11-01-2005 10:42 PM Lammy has not yet responded

  
Thugpreacha
Member
Posts: 12417
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.2


Message 42 of 217 (256782)
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


"How Gullible Are We?"
A number of years ago a freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And, for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty three (43) said yes,
six (6) were undecided,
and only one (1) knew that the chemical was.
Dihydrogen monoxide is water!
The title of his prize winning project: "How Gullible Are We?"
Replies to this message:
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ringo
Member
Posts: 16634
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.9


Message 43 of 217 (256797)
11-04-2005 1:10 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Thugpreacha
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
Reminds me of Talking to Americans.

(Disclaimer: This website is intended for entertainment purposes only. In reality, many Americans are highly intelligent and capable of living productive lives. No Americans were harmed in the making of this website.)


People who think they have all the answers usually don't understand the questions.
This message is a reply to:
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Omnivorous
Member (Idle past 1132 days)
Posts: 3808
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 44 of 217 (256816)
11-04-2005 1:59 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Thugpreacha
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
Phat writes:

He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

Funny, and more than faintly disturbing.

That you could engage good intentions with unfamiliar nomenclature and misleading language hardly seems like a science project (maybe political science, more tenuously psychology), nor does it demonstrate any gullibility other than the student's.

Perhaps he could have imbibed river water for a few months to show how alarmist environmentalists really are. Of course, if he had included the substances (heavy metals, PCBs, raw sewage, etc.) commonly found in our waterways, then the petition would in fact make sense.

I'm trying to recall a real world case where warnings about a pollutant turned out to be alarmist and based on junk science.

From there, I'd like to compare a list of authentic environmental toxins tolerated by law with alarmist, junk science ones...you know, just for laughs...


This message is a reply to:
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RAZD
Member
Posts: 19871
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 5.3


Message 45 of 217 (256955)
11-04-2005 7:58 PM
Reply to: Message 42 by Thugpreacha
11-04-2005 11:49 AM


Re: "How Gullible Are We?"
you can also call it hydroxic acid (H-OH) :D
This message is a reply to:
 Message 42 by Thugpreacha, posted 11-04-2005 11:49 AM Thugpreacha has not yet responded

  
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