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Author | Topic: Humor Strikes back | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Omnivorous Member Posts: 3986 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 7.1 |
Whoaaa! Made me reach for my 'Support Our Troops--Bring Them Home" magnetic ribbon...
And can you imagine that baby in a Stars 'n Stripes paint job?
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BuckeyeChris Inactive Member |
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Minnemooseus Member Posts: 3945 From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior) Joined: Member Rating: 10.0 |
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1430 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
of all the revolutionaries I have known, you are the most revolting?
(apologies to Walt Kelly's two crows) by our ability to understand RebelAAmerican.Zen[Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ... to share.
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Cthulhu Member (Idle past 5877 days) Posts: 273 From: Roe Dyelin Joined: |
A joke I found a while back and found rather amusing.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?. . . . . . . . The Holocaust. This message has been edited by Cthulhu, 12-07-2005 09:56 PM
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Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
Carico said here:
ancestors are created through breeding I just cannot let this one go, this completely new insight has given me a brilliant idea. It is a well known fact that the ancestor is an endangered species. Most of them are dead, after all.I suggest that we start a rigorous ancestor breeding programme. Once we have a healthy population of ancestors, we might try to release them in the wild. We might even try to cross-breed them with predecessors! That would of course involve a bit of bestiality, but if we could just manage to get rid of the gene for talking by a clever breeding strategy, nobody needs to know. I think Moorhead, MN USA would be a suitable place to start the world's first ancestor breeding farm. Lots of expertise there.
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Omnivorous Member Posts: 3986 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 7.1 |
Ahem.
As a rare, living ancestor, one who, in all humility, has demonstrated considerable survival capacity and fecundity, I would like to be the first to dedicate my body to this important new program (to have anyone else dedicating my body sounds vaguely alarming). Howver, I would like to point out that in the interest of maximal ancestor diversity, the program should begin with a cross-breeding cohort of descendants (not mine, of course--ick!). Once Moorhead, MN, has rounded up a sufficient number of nubile...er, suitable, descendants, my time is their time. In the name of this exciting new branch of creation science, no scarifice is too great, nor any labor too large. Just because as we dig a little deeper, our notions change does not mean the discoveries are not useful.--randman
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Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
Please fill out this questionaire and we'll get back to you.
1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually? 1 2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite? 3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor? 4. Do you lay eggs? 4. Does ancestry run in your family? 5. Do you object against incest? 6. How about bestiality? 7. Strangle sex? 8. How many times a day must you be fed? 9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters? 10. How many legs do you have? 3 ____________________________
1If asexually, don't bother to continue. We'll keep you in our database though, in case we think of other interesting experiments. 2Please indicate sweet water, salt water, or brackish. 3When more than six, we refer you to our culinary division. We don't like creatures with more than six legs, except when steamed and served with lemon-caper mayonnaise. This message has been edited by Parasomnium, 09-Dec-2005 03:15 PM
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Omnivorous Member Posts: 3986 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 7.1 |
Please fill out this questionaire and we'll get back to you.
I am true to my roots.
1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually? 2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite?
I'm a fast learner.
3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor?
Yes--only breeding was involved, no other method.
4. Do you lay eggs?
In several manners of speaking, I have laid eggs.
4. Does ancestry run in your family?
Positively stampedes--Jones clan, doncha know.
5. Do you object against incest?
Only if all men are not brothers.
6. How about bestiality?
Your place or mine?
7. Strangle sex?
I have never strangled anything but desire, and I regretted it. I hope you will take my contrition into account.
8. How many times a day must you be fed?
With copious hydration, I can forgo feeding for extended periods.
9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters?
The dark cave option sounds attractive, but it is not a strict requirement: a fur-lined Jungle Room should suffice. Please consider a spinning ceiling-basket--the Dolly Dervish brand is best.
10. How many legs do you have? 3
No, not 3, just two at the moment: I am not an extremist. However, in case this is a trick question, I would like to point out that I do have a trick leg. Would you like to see it? If not, perhaps your avatar would? [Groucho_cigar_wag] Comments: Please keep me in mind. While I am not as good as I once was, I'm as good once as I ever was. References--if desired. [\Groucho_cigar_wag]
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Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
References--if desired. Ah, references. Yes, excellent. Well, just one question really, and then it should be in the bag: those eggs you mentioned, can they erm... sort of, attest that they erm... got laid by you?
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macaroniandcheese  Suspended Member (Idle past 3953 days) Posts: 4258 Joined: |
1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually?
neither. 2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite?female 3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor?i'm no one's ancestor 4. Do you lay eggs?every month without fail. 4. Does ancestry run in your family?apparently. 5. Do you object against incest?i don't understand the question. 6. How about bestiality?i think there's a video of a guy getting killed by a horse. it would be bad enough for me to squirt out a non-hybridized offspring. 7. Strangle sex?i've choked a chicken, so to speak. but not my own. see answer to number ten. 8. How many times a day must you be fed?don't feed the fatties. 9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters?yes. cave. 10. How many legs do you have?only 2. i lay eggs. This message has been edited by brennakimi, 12-09-2005 02:32 PM i'm worldwide bitch, act like ya'll don't know.
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Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
Questionaire evaluation.
Subject: brennakimi _____________________
1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually? neither. Subject may have to be drugged to induce reproduction.
2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite? female Further info required: nubile? (If yes, notify Omivorous.)
3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor? i'm no one's ancestor Problem with understanding premise of ancestor breeding programme. Perhaps brain missing. (Note: may be useful in breeding out talking gene.)
4. Do you lay eggs? every month without fail. Notify kitchen.
4. Does ancestry run in your family? apparently. Nodule of brain after all?
5. Do you object against incest? i don't understand the question. Incest no problem.
6. How about bestiality? i think there's a video of a guy getting killed by a horse. it would be bad enough for me to squirt out a non-hybridized offspring. Cesarean? Second thought, better not try large animals with this one. Note: chihuahua as roommate?
7. Strangle sex? i've choked a chicken, so to speak. but not my own. see answer to number ten. Inexperienced.
8. How many times a day must you be fed? don't feed the fatties. Note: book elephant house.
9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters? yes. cave. Cancel elephant house, order extra semtex.
10. How many legs do you have? only 2. i lay eggs. Introduce to echidna. Overall conclusion: worth an experiment.
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macaroniandcheese  Suspended Member (Idle past 3953 days) Posts: 4258 Joined: |
did i just pass a datability exam?
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robinrohan Inactive Member |
This entire survey by Parasomnium makes me feel very uneasy. When I read through the questions, I feel raped and trapped. But I'll answer one of them.
6. Bestiality In spring a young man's fancy often turns to thoughts of sheep.
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Parasomnium Member Posts: 2224 Joined: |
In spring a young man's fancy often turns to thoughts of sheep. Sheep? Well, I never! Plural? That's wicked! That would amount to... polygamy!
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