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Author Topic:   humor II
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 7 of 310 (303162)
04-11-2006 10:11 AM


WWJD

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 60 of 310 (325292)
06-23-2006 11:19 AM


All-too-common logic
I thought this was a funny email and since we deal with a lot of logic around here, I thought I share it with you all.

quote:
Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea for Jim, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The Dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?"

"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the Dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think, logically, that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."



New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 143 of 310 (348482)
09-12-2006 5:31 PM


Tasteless Steve Irwin joke
Did you hear that Walmart stopped selling Steve Irwin's sunscreen?

Yeah, apparently it didn't help against harmful rays... <---highlight


New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 223 of 310 (369363)
12-12-2006 5:21 PM


Season Greetings
got this in an email:

quote:
For My Democrat Friends :

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply th at America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as stated. This greeting is not subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself/himself/others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wish.

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!



Replies to this message:
 Message 224 by Omnivorous, posted 12-12-2006 7:43 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded
 Message 227 by Dr Adequate, posted 12-13-2006 6:52 AM New Cat's Eye has responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 235 of 310 (369903)
12-15-2006 12:43 PM
Reply to: Message 227 by Dr Adequate
12-13-2006 6:52 AM


Re: Season Greetings
Explain it to me.

It was just some stupid/funny email that was getting passed around. I don't really know what the story behind the war on christmas thingy is but I let you know what I think it is.

I think some leftwing nutjob bitched about getting wished a Merry Christmas from a greeter at Wal*Mart (IIRC, it coulda been another store) because the whiny little bitch wasn't christian and didn't want to hear it. So, Wal*Mart's (or whatever store) respons is to not allow the greeters to wish people Merry Christmas, it has to be Happy Holidays, or something along those lines that isn't specific to any religion.

That's pretty fuckin' retarded in my opinion.

With all this be-careful-not-to-offend-anyone crapola catching on, the season's greetings is changing in a step in the direction of the one to the democrats in the email I quoted.

whether it's actually a right-wing nutjob making a feeble attempt at satirizing the left.

I'd guess it was this one.

Its ambiguous as to whether you think all right-wingers are nutjobs or just this one in particular...

While his satire was a little to over-exagerated, I don't see what was so feeble about it. Maybe that it wasn't very funny?

I'm English, so we don't have right-wing nutjobs like you Yanks do.

But you got the left-wing nutjobs over there? They're spreading like cancer over here... :D


This message is a reply to:
 Message 227 by Dr Adequate, posted 12-13-2006 6:52 AM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 236 by Taz, posted 12-15-2006 12:57 PM New Cat's Eye has responded
 Message 239 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 3:43 PM New Cat's Eye has responded
 Message 240 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 3:45 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 237 of 310 (369920)
12-15-2006 1:13 PM
Reply to: Message 236 by Taz
12-15-2006 12:57 PM


Re: Season Greetings
You forgot to include the part where Walmart got boycotted by right wing nutjobs for the christmas thing and again for being gay friendly.

More like was unaware of it.....but yeah, that is pretty nutty.

I don't recall the last time left wing nutjobs boycotted an organization for saying merry christmas.

What's your point?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 236 by Taz, posted 12-15-2006 12:57 PM Taz has not yet responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 241 of 310 (369956)
12-15-2006 3:50 PM
Reply to: Message 239 by nator
12-15-2006 3:43 PM


Re: Season Greetings
quote:
But you got the left-wing nutjobs over there? They're spreading like cancer over here...

Really? Where?

I don't remember seeing any radical Socialists getting elected last month.

Huh?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 239 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 3:43 PM nator has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 243 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 4:01 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 242 of 310 (369957)
12-15-2006 3:54 PM
Reply to: Message 240 by nator
12-15-2006 3:45 PM


Re: Season Greetings
Yeah, having good manners IS a bunch of crapola.

No, its not.

Having good manners would have been thanking someone for wishing you a Merry Christmas, not bitching about it because you're not Christian.

Don't they realize that the United States of America is a CHRISTIAN NATION?

You mean: the United States of America is a predominantly Christian nation.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 240 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 3:45 PM nator has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 244 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 4:03 PM New Cat's Eye has responded
 Message 245 by kjsimons, posted 12-15-2006 4:05 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 247 of 310 (369969)
12-15-2006 4:19 PM
Reply to: Message 243 by nator
12-15-2006 4:01 PM


Re: Season Greetings
You said that left-wing nutjobs were spreading like cancer over here.

Radical Socialist = left-wing nutjob.

Oh, you misread me, I meant:

left-wing = nutjob

I wasn't really refering to the most extreme leftists.

where are the radical left-wing nutjobs you referred to?

everywhere :eek:


This message is a reply to:
 Message 243 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 4:01 PM nator has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 254 by nator, posted 12-16-2006 5:48 AM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 248 of 310 (369972)
12-15-2006 4:22 PM
Reply to: Message 244 by nator
12-15-2006 4:03 PM


Re: Season Greetings
quote:
Having good manners would have been thanking someone for wishing you a Merry Christmas, not bitching about it because you're not Christian.

Is it good manners to assume everybody is the same religion as you are?

Nope. I don't think wishing someone a Merry Christmas makes that assumption.

You don't have to be christian to celebrate christmas, and most people do celebrate christmas, whether they are christian or not, so to not say Merry Christmas becuase of a small percentage of the population might get offended is retarded. Especially, when 99% of the people you say that to, will be celebrating christmas anyways.

Its lame to forbid the greeters at walmart from saying Merry Christmas, don't you think?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 244 by nator, posted 12-15-2006 4:03 PM nator has not yet responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 249 of 310 (369975)
12-15-2006 4:25 PM
Reply to: Message 245 by kjsimons
12-15-2006 4:05 PM


Re: Season Greetings
So having "Good manners" is all about putting up with other people's bullshit religions and holidays with a smiling happy face?

No, its good manners to NOT BITCH ABOUT IT, you don't have to smile.

And how is being wished a merry christman PUTTING UP with something?

Now go have a happy winter solstice

Thanks, I will.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 245 by kjsimons, posted 12-15-2006 4:05 PM kjsimons has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 250 by kjsimons, posted 12-15-2006 4:40 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 251 of 310 (369988)
12-15-2006 5:02 PM
Reply to: Message 250 by kjsimons
12-15-2006 4:40 PM


Re: Season Greetings
Actually, really good manners is to try and not to force you views on strangers.

You mean like forcing the view that greeters shouldn't say Merry Christmas, if you are saying that is bad manners then I agree.

Wishing someone a Merry Christmas isn't forcing your views on them. Conversly, demanding that people don't use the phrase 'Merry Christmas' IS forcing your views on people.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 250 by kjsimons, posted 12-15-2006 4:40 PM kjsimons has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 252 by RAZD, posted 12-15-2006 11:45 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

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