i was raised pca. i know my westminster cover to cover. i know more bible verses than you can shake a stick at. i've yet to read the 'whole' thing, but i'm not sure what parts i haven't read.
the older i get, the more i realize that the god i know and the god i know is very real is not represented by christianity. at least not any variety that exists today.
i don't know what to do with that knowledge. i quit going to church because i can't justify "biblical worship" with a bible that forbids chanting. i don't know how to deal with the bible which i see as a very political document outside of all else. the old testament is almost entirely about how evil everyone but judah is and the new testament is all mussed up with personal moralizing based on a man who came to forgive and to love.
my mind and my heart don't know where to meet on this. i can accept any number of options theoretically, but none of it seems to be acceptable to me. worse, most christians are so judgemental and so unwelcoming and so unforgiving that i have no home with them.
it is, for the most part, the members of churches that have driven me away from god. and i am very close to just abandoning it all. god gave me a mind that questions everything and tests everything. the bible tells us to test and try the word and to test and try the spirit. i am of the mind that i'm doing the right thing and all i get is damnation from "god's people".