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Author Topic:   humor II
Archer Opteryx
Member (Idle past 1881 days)
Posts: 1811
From: East Asia
Joined: 08-16-2006


Message 181 of 310 (357959)
10-21-2006 2:29 PM
Reply to: Message 162 by Dr Adequate
10-09-2006 5:42 AM


build your science vocabulary
milihelen (noun)

The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.


Archer

All species are transitional.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 162 by Dr Adequate, posted 10-09-2006 5:42 AM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

subbie
Member (Idle past 27 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 182 of 310 (358725)
10-25-2006 9:01 AM


A different take on 7 days
http://www.newyorker.com/printables/shouts/050926sh_shouts


Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin

anglagard
Member
Posts: 2200
From: Socorro, New Mexico USA
Joined: 03-18-2006


Message 183 of 310 (360307)
10-31-2006 11:36 PM


Postmodernist Philosophy
I was trying to explain what the postmodernist philosophy concept of deconstructionism meant to Beatle_Addict and she replied:

"So I broke my TV and I'm not any smarter"

I think she refuted Derrida in one sentence.


Replies to this message:
 Message 184 by Thugpreacha, posted 11-01-2006 12:20 AM anglagard has not yet responded

  
Thugpreacha
Member
Posts: 12967
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.2


Message 184 of 310 (360311)
11-01-2006 12:20 AM
Reply to: Message 183 by anglagard
10-31-2006 11:36 PM


Re: Postmodernist Philosophy
Im gonna look this stuff up. It must be funny....otherwise im breaking MY TV! :rolleyes:

This message is a reply to:
 Message 183 by anglagard, posted 10-31-2006 11:36 PM anglagard has not yet responded

Cthulhu
Member (Idle past 4135 days)
Posts: 273
From: Roe Dyelin
Joined: 09-09-2003


Message 185 of 310 (360323)
11-01-2006 2:17 AM


I found something that I found extremely amusing, but somehow I doubt that I'd be allowed to link to The Passion of the Christ set to Yakety Sax.

  
berberry
Inactive Member


Message 186 of 310 (361960)
11-05-2006 5:10 PM


Sex and apple cake on Soap
Soap was one of my favorite shows in the late '70s, and I still think it was one of the most clever sitcoms ever conceived. It was abruptly cancelled after four seasons due to complaints from people who were offended by scenes like this one, wherein four of the main female characters discuss sex as they devour an apple cake. It might seem tame in terms of content, but the humor hasn't lost one bit of its currency. This is absolutely hilarious!


W.W.E.D.?

Replies to this message:
 Message 187 by Wounded King, posted 11-05-2006 5:36 PM berberry has not yet responded

Wounded King
Member (Idle past 2378 days)
Posts: 4149
From: Edinburgh, Scotland
Joined: 04-09-2003


Message 187 of 310 (361969)
11-05-2006 5:36 PM
Reply to: Message 186 by berberry
11-05-2006 5:10 PM


Re: Sex and apple cake on Soap
That was fun, thanks.

I especially like 'in another room.'

TTFN,

WK


This message is a reply to:
 Message 186 by berberry, posted 11-05-2006 5:10 PM berberry has not yet responded

  
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 16107
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 8.0


Message 188 of 310 (362015)
11-05-2006 8:25 PM


Ballad Of Complete Astonishment

It shook me like a thunderbolt;
it shocked me to the very core.
I felt my mind and frame revolt,
and fell, half-fainting, to the floor;
and there, in prayer and sorrow bent
I whispered one word only --- "Kent!"

He told me of a talking snake,
of magic fruit on magic trees,
how half of science is a fake,
and other certain facts like these.
Words cannot speak of my surprise
to learn that such a man tells lies.

He told me how, disdaining blood
before the Fall, the carnivores
cropped grass, and of a magic flood,
how Noah saved the dinosaurs;
he proved, with math, the Earth was youthful;
who'd guess he'd ever be untruthful?

Explain this riddle if you will:
he spoke of dragons breathing fire
and how they live among us still ---
is that the action of a liar? ---
the kind of person who'd regale
the taxman with a fairy tale?

Sin, Hovind said, made God quite vexed
in Eden, where the magic trees are,
But Genesis was all his text,
neglecting "Render unto Caesar".
Seems all the Bible Hovind knew
was chapter one and chapter two.

That faithful servant of the Lord,
that meek, that humble, honest guy,
the last man you'd suspect of fraud,
was one, I thought, who couldn't lie.
But written on the wall, I guess,
is "Tekel, Upharsin --- IRS".


Replies to this message:
 Message 189 by Coragyps, posted 11-05-2006 8:55 PM Dr Adequate has responded

Coragyps
Member
Posts: 5399
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


Message 189 of 310 (362022)
11-05-2006 8:55 PM
Reply to: Message 188 by Dr Adequate
11-05-2006 8:25 PM


Doc - I stand in awe and wonderment......

This message is a reply to:
 Message 188 by Dr Adequate, posted 11-05-2006 8:25 PM Dr Adequate has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 204 by Dr Adequate, posted 12-04-2006 10:06 AM Coragyps has not yet responded

  
jar
Member
Posts: 31458
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004
Member Rating: 2.9


Message 190 of 310 (362482)
11-07-2006 6:01 PM


DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
milk the other, and pour the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Both are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and find you actually have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you actually have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send tapes of their moo-ing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Replies to this message:
 Message 191 by RAZD, posted 11-07-2006 9:57 PM jar has not yet responded

RAZD
Member
Posts: 20154
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 4.1


Message 191 of 310 (362516)
11-07-2006 9:57 PM
Reply to: Message 190 by jar
11-07-2006 6:01 PM


ok

I'm cowed.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 190 by jar, posted 11-07-2006 6:01 PM jar has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 192 of 310 (362867)
11-09-2006 10:46 AM


Write Your Own Caption
Grabbed this from another message board and just had to share it:


Click to enlarge

Now here's my caption:

Choose the winning pair, and you walk away with ten thousand dollars and a chance at our Price Is Right Showcase! Choose the wrong pair, and you get blown up by an IED.

Okay, GO!

Edited by AdminJar, : No reason given.


W.W.E.D.?

Replies to this message:
 Message 193 by subbie, posted 11-09-2006 11:02 AM berberry has not yet responded
 Message 194 by Archer Opteryx, posted 11-09-2006 11:25 AM berberry has not yet responded

subbie
Member (Idle past 27 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 193 of 310 (362875)
11-09-2006 11:02 AM
Reply to: Message 192 by berberry
11-09-2006 10:46 AM


Re: Write Your Own Caption
Which of these items are the only two allowed past a TSA security checkpoint at an airport?


Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin

This message is a reply to:
 Message 192 by berberry, posted 11-09-2006 10:46 AM berberry has not yet responded

Archer Opteryx
Member (Idle past 1881 days)
Posts: 1811
From: East Asia
Joined: 08-16-2006


Message 194 of 310 (362887)
11-09-2006 11:25 AM
Reply to: Message 192 by berberry
11-09-2006 10:46 AM


Re: Write Your Own Caption
So which two are hiding the WMDs?

_

Edited by Archer Opterix, : reboot.

Edited by Archer Opterix, : re-reboot.


Archer

All species are transitional.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 192 by berberry, posted 11-09-2006 10:46 AM berberry has not yet responded

Chiroptera
Member
Posts: 6802
From: Oklahoma
Joined: 09-28-2003
Member Rating: 6.8


Message 195 of 310 (362926)
11-09-2006 3:40 PM


More Tom Tomorrow
The latest This Modern World:


Click to enlarge

Second to the last panel:

"They [the Republicans] alienated our allies and embroiled us in a futile war -- and now it turns out they're demons from the blackest depths of Hell!"

"On the other hand, Democrats support gay marriage."

"Better mark us as 'undecided.'"

Fortunately that didn't happen this election.


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