I couldn't get that feeling back. That childhood feeling like I was looking out the window of my mom's car thinking of everything with wonder. I saw a holiness in it which I would never see again. I remember everything.
Of the 90s and the internet wasn't being used yet. Things were better.
"Hoop Dreams" gave me this feeling again for a moment, a drive to a far off town in the fall weather gave me this feeling for a moment, my own blurring and bright orange memory flashed and filled gave me this feeling for a moment. I remembered the 4-h club for a second. Walking by a 20 year old black guy who swayed with behind the times clothing on, who looked like the 90s gave me this feeling, his smile and his goofiness was unreal. Weird how an existence can give you such a feeling, I wanted to tell him how thankful I was. A Nas song gave me the feeling. But these feelings are so fast and fleeting that I always wish that I could live forever in that bliss as I once did.
But now I know.
I know that that guy is sometimes sad, that he is sometimes stressed, and that he will die one day.
These feelings I wish to live with forever. Evolution explains that feelings like these are most likely feelings which perpetuate my species. These memories and complex emotions which stir in all humans are just a mechanism of survival. Chimps and simians probably experience feelings such as these as they are helpful to them as well. Right?
So where does that leave me and my feelings? In a garbage dumpster with a billion single celled organisms who are just as significant as me. This child-like feeling is just a primitive thing, why should I expect more from it. Why should I hold such partiality with this feeling at all.
Evolution has rendered me a purposeless robot.
Edited by prophex, : No reason given.
Edited by prophex, : SORRY ABOUT THAT, DIDN'T COMPLETE THE POST, unprofessional.