Register | Sign In


Understanding through Discussion


EvC Forum active members: 63 (9161 total)
0 online now:
Newest Member: popoi
Post Volume: Total: 915,585 Year: 2,842/9,624 Month: 687/1,588 Week: 93/229 Day: 4/61 Hour: 0/0


Thread  Details

Email This Thread
Newer Topic | Older Topic
  
Author Topic:   Please - Some Impartial Advice Needed
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 7 of 240 (404411)
06-08-2007 6:36 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by taylor_31
06-08-2007 3:00 PM


I'm hardly an expert in the area, but since nobody else who has responded is either, here's my two cents.
Is it possible that she's right and I am deluding myself?
Sure. Anything is possible. We've all heard stories of people who fooled themselves until well past your age about their sexuality, only to discover who they truly are. Now, most of those stories are about folks who found out they were gay. There are plenty of obvious reasons why someone would deny to themselves why they are gay, but few that I can think of why someone would deny that they are straight, but the human mind is a curious thing.
Perhaps I am confused; perhaps I'm relying too heavily on my friend and his influence;
Perhaps, but given that you had these feelings about yourself before your friend even mentioned anything, that doesn't seem likely.
and I probably would be making a big mistake to come out and then be wrong about it!
Sorry, crystal ball out to the cleaners this week. Nobody can answer that question now, and only you can answer the question later.
You are obviously a very troubled young man. My suggestion is to seek advice from anyone/everyone whose opinions you trust and take it from there. I agree with what has been said to this point by others, that your only real concern should be finding out who you are. If I were in your shoes, that would be my only goal, and to hell with the rest of the world. You have to live your life for yourself, and nobody else. After all, you are the only one who has to live with the consequences of your choices, and the tales of people who have suffered great difficulties from suppressing who they really are are legion.
If you are a person of faith, I see nothing wrong in seeking counsel from a church leader, so long as that person is not committed to the idea that homosexuality is wrong. Such a person you need to run away from. Quickly. In fact, you need to avoid like the plague anyone who has their own agenda. This includes anybody who professes a desire to "cure" homosexuality, and anyone who wants to advance the social cause of homosexuality. Again, this is about you finding out who you are, not finding someone else who will use you for their purposes.
Is it possible to learn to like girls? Or am I stupid for even thinking such a dumb thought?
No idea if it's possible to learn to like girls, it came naturally to me. However, I can't imagine "learning to like boys," so I kinda doubt it. But for what it's worth, I don't think you are stupid for wondering that. I'm quite certain that even in the 21st century, being homosexual is a difficult thing. It seems natural to me that you'd explore alternatives to the difficulties that that entails. However, with very few exceptions, I haven't heard of anyone who deliberatly tried to change their sexuality and was pleased with the results. And, the few exceptions that I have heard of didn't sound very convincing to me.
I wish you well and hope you find peace within yourself.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by taylor_31, posted 06-08-2007 3:00 PM taylor_31 has not replied

  
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 68 of 240 (405440)
06-12-2007 10:51 PM
Reply to: Message 65 by molbiogirl
06-12-2007 9:03 PM


Re: The mysteries of life
This, btw, is in direct contrast to the showing of The Last Temptation of Christ that I went to see in St. Louis. Not only were there protests outside the theater, there was a lynch mob vibe when the show let out.
Never did get around to seeing that, but I remember being accosted by some wing nut outside of Schnucks on South Grand who was trying to convince people to boycott a movie he hadn't even seen himself. He was predicting all kinds of awful consequences from watching it; turning people into different kinds of crazed felons, etc. When I expressed my lack of support for his mission and started walking away, he called after me, "I hope you don't end up living next door to them!" And I called back to him, "Better them than you."
BTW, I wonder if you might know my ex-wife. She used to spend a great deal of time hanging out at the Women's Center at UMSL during the late 80s through early 90s.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 65 by molbiogirl, posted 06-12-2007 9:03 PM molbiogirl has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 69 by molbiogirl, posted 06-13-2007 12:11 AM subbie has not replied

  
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 72 of 240 (405494)
06-13-2007 7:28 AM
Reply to: Message 70 by taylor_31
06-13-2007 12:45 AM


Taylor, do you remember back in message 7 when I said
If you are a person of faith, I see nothing wrong in seeking counsel from a church leader, so long as that person is not committed to the idea that homosexuality is wrong. Such a person you need to run away from. Quickly.
I think this idea in particular was echoed by one or two others.
Iano is just such a person. He claims that the advice that you are likely to get here isn't impartial, that it will be liberally slanted. If by that he means that most of us will tell you to take it slow and find out who you really are, I guess he's right. He seems to think that his advice is impartial. If by that he means comparing your feelings to a destructive addiction like gambling or smoking, well, that doesn't sound very impartial, or particularly helpful, to me.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 70 by taylor_31, posted 06-13-2007 12:45 AM taylor_31 has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 74 by iano, posted 06-13-2007 9:47 AM subbie has not replied

  
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 86 of 240 (405627)
06-14-2007 1:14 AM
Reply to: Message 83 by Buzsaw
06-13-2007 11:57 PM


Re: Buzsaw Weighing In Here
Taylor, Buzsaw is another one of those who has his own agenda, as you can probably tell from his rant.
3. What's normal pertaining to our bodies is best.
So next time you're sick, I expect you won't take any medicine, because it's normal for you not to have penicillin coursing through your veins.
4. What is abnormal is naturally rejected, unacceptable and repulsive to the majority of society,
Define "abnormal." Does it relate to how prevelant a particular characteristic is in society? Is less than 50% "abnormal?" What about less than 10%? Is that "abnormal?"
I'd be willing to bet that under any definition of "abnormal" that you can come up with that homosexuality fits into, your warped vision of christianity would fit as well. Does that make you "unacceptable and repulsive?"
6. Sex outside of marriage has a history of initiating health problems.
Well then it's a damn good thing we don't let gays marry, isn't it? I mean, then they would have fewer health problems, they'd live longer, and you'd have one less red herring to toss out about why homosexuality is bad.
He never mentioned it again to me but went on to marry a fine woman and raise a family. His urge left him.
I simply do not believe that this ever happened.
Edited by subbie, : No reason given.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 83 by Buzsaw, posted 06-13-2007 11:57 PM Buzsaw has not replied

  
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 94 of 240 (405691)
06-14-2007 12:05 PM
Reply to: Message 93 by anglagard
06-14-2007 11:17 AM


Re: Buzsaw Weighing In Here
angla, did you know that over 60% of all motor vehicle accidents in the world are caused by the same defective part of the car?
The nut that holds the steering wheel.
I think it's appropriate to keep that fact in mind when comparing Buz's use of the bible with that of most thinking christians.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 93 by anglagard, posted 06-14-2007 11:17 AM anglagard has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 95 by Taz, posted 06-14-2007 1:08 PM subbie has replied

  
subbie
Member (Idle past 1245 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 98 of 240 (405729)
06-14-2007 3:28 PM
Reply to: Message 95 by Taz
06-14-2007 1:08 PM


Re: Buzsaw Weighing In Here
What I consistently see is that us atheists and "them gays" are left to fight this battle on our own on issues of human rights.
So, how do you expect us to keep the nut and steering wheel thing in mind when we don't actually see you guys do anything to counter your christian brothers?
Well, first of all, I'm one of you guys.
I certainly agree with your general assessment that the vocal christians are those who speak out against homosexuals and gay marriage. It may well be a reflection of the fact that hate generally gets more attention in the news than love does.
I have suspected for a while that christian hate is getting louder as acceptance of homosexuality is growing. How many times have you heard religious bigots talking about a "culture war?" I fully believe that they think they are fighting a culture war, and that they are losing. And as they see the world changing and leaving them behind, it scares the hell out of them, so they fight harder. Onward, christian soldiers.
To me, the hysterical thing is that they are losing a war where nobody is fighting against them. I don't think most gays want to change the world and remake society. I think they just want the right to lives their lives in peace, with the same right to love who they want to love, to marry who they want to marry, and to be who they are. And, in true christian fashion, I think most of them would be willing to extend to christians that same right. While I'm sure they would like love and acceptance, I'd be willing to bet they'd settle for quiet toleration.

Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

This message is a reply to:
 Message 95 by Taz, posted 06-14-2007 1:08 PM Taz has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 108 by Taz, posted 06-14-2007 8:14 PM subbie has not replied

  
Newer Topic | Older Topic
Jump to:


Copyright 2001-2023 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved

™ Version 4.2
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2024