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Author | Topic: Humor IV | |||||||||||||||||||||||
onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
When giving an interview in Iraq today, this is what happened to your poor president: ROFLMAO!!! Thats awesome! If only the shoe would have struck his stupid forehead. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into him! lol
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
A bit belated but, Feb 26th marked the 15th aniversary of Bill Hicks death.
A long time issue has always been the censoring of Hicks' last Tonight Show performance by David Letterman and the boys at the network. On Jan 30th, Letterman, openly admitted to his mistake during his broadcast, invited Mary Hicks - Bills mother - on the show, and finally aired the censored clip. Enjoy.
Part 1Part 2 Part 3 "I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks "I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
A Jewish woman, an African woman and a Muslim woman all give birth on the same day, at the same hospital.
Due to a mix up with the paper work the hospital doesn't know who's child belongs to who. Quickly, the Muslim woman runs in and grabs the African child. The nurses see this and stop her saying "Of all 3 of the chidren, the one we actually know who it belongs to is obviously the African child, who is black, like it's parents." And the Muslim woman said, "Yes, but of the other 2 in there one of them is Jewish...and I'm not taking any chances." "I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks "I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a little boy. The priest says: "Hey, lets go screw him!" to which the Rabbi asks: "Out of what?"
--------------------------------- 3 priest are in a boat with 3 boys fishing. Suddenly, the boat starts sinking. One of the priest said "Save the children!" The other priest said "Fuck the the children!" And the last priest said "Do you think we have time?!" "I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks "I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Except that women never make a mistake, and like a computer when there is a problem it is the operator (male's) fault ...
Wait, I remember reading a story about a woman who made the mistake of eating from the wrong tree. There was a pretty huge penalty for that, I think...what was it again? Oh yeah, God hates us now forever. Fuck'n chicks... No offense, SammyJean. - Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given. "I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks "I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
A song about the unknown brother of Jesus.
And of course, a song about the opposition. - Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given. Petition to Bailout Comedy The Laugh Factory is imploring Congress to immediately fund what owner Jamie Masada calls an "Economic Cheer-Up." If Congress fails to act quickly, the Laugh Factory comedians are planning to march to Washington and plea to President Obama.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
I think I hear fundie heads exploding.
Well then, here's one more from Stephen Lynch to finish the "exploding head" job! Enjoy - Oni Petition to Bailout Comedy The Laugh Factory is imploring Congress to immediately fund what owner Jamie Masada calls an "Economic Cheer-Up." If Congress fails to act quickly, the Laugh Factory comedians are planning to march to Washington and plea to President Obama.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Brian Regan on: planets, pluto and intelligent life. Funny stuff!
You get an extra point if anyone can tell me what the audience member yells out, and what it was in reference to. Enjoy, - Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Hi Bluejay,
"The big, yellow one is the sun!" It's the kid from the science fair bit.
Well done!
What is the extra point good for? Go to any Starbucks and order whatever you like, it's free. Just let them know I sent you and give them a quick explanation of how you won. Note: this is a one time only deal.
And, the word "extra" implies that there are other means to attain these points. There are. - Oni
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
wrong thread
Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Hi Bluejay,
You're sending a Mormon to a coffee shop. You must be a comedian or something. Oooops, sorry I didn't know you couldn't drink coffee as a Mormon - I don't know much about the Mormon faith. Why can't you drink coffee, if you don't mind? - Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Got to work with this guy recently. Very funny. Aussie who made it big in the UK.
If you get a chance check him out at your local comedy club.
DISCLAIMER: In this video he is quite dirty, if you take issue with cursing don't watch! Enjoy, - Oni
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Any chance of getting a video of *you* performing? --Percy
Sure...I just thought that would come across as too pretentious. But I'll get some videos up. - Oni
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Onifre, are you the comic that sells t-shirts that say something like FU/FU2 or something like that? If that's the case, I think I bought one of your t-shirts. No, that's not me. I actually have no shirts for sale. In fact, my manager and I were just talking about that last week. I was a writer more than a performer for a while. I've been performing staedy now for about 3 years (6 in total) and have just started to get some recognition from festivals and talent people, so I'm now starting to put together promo-kits for it. To include shirts, CD-DVD's, etc. - Oni
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onifre Member (Idle past 2973 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Louis Ck learns about the Catholic church.
Enjoy, - Oni If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~George Carlin |
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