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Author Topic:   Humor IV
Taz
Member (Idle past 1579 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 136 of 540 (491831)
12-21-2008 8:34 PM


I've been saying for years that the only thing I can do about gay haters is waiting for them to die of old age. At least one of them bastards have died. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

http://airamerica.com/blog/2008/dec/18/anti-gay-leader-dies


Replies to this message:
 Message 137 by cavediver, posted 12-22-2008 4:17 AM Taz has not yet responded

cavediver
Member (Idle past 1931 days)
Posts: 4129
From: UK
Joined: 06-16-2005


Message 137 of 540 (491839)
12-22-2008 4:17 AM
Reply to: Message 136 by Taz
12-21-2008 8:34 PM


WEYRICH: Here is the real problem. It has been known for many years that Congressman Foley was a homosexual. Homosexuals tend to be preoccupied with sex. The idea that he should be continued -- or should have been continued as chairman of the Committee on Missing and Exploited Children is, you know, given their knowledge of that, is just outrageous.

NORRIS: Now before we go on, I think I can say, Mr. Weyrich, that there are quite a few people who would take exception to the statement that homosexuals are preoccupied with sex.

WEYRICH: Well, I don't care whether they take exception to it. It happens to be true. I mean --

NORRIS: That is your opinion.

WEYRICH: Well, it's not my opinion. It's the opinion of many psychologists and psychiatrists who have to deal with them. "

The homophobia is pathetic, but the stupidity is astounding :eek: This is the childish level of homophobic argumentation I expect at EvC. I would like to think that retards like this wouldn't survive two minutes under the UK press (obviously excepting the Daily Mail...)


This message is a reply to:
 Message 136 by Taz, posted 12-21-2008 8:34 PM Taz has not yet responded

Agobot
Member (Idle past 3817 days)
Posts: 786
Joined: 12-16-2007


Message 138 of 540 (491847)
12-22-2008 10:41 AM


Two voyeurs meet and one of them asks:

-What are we going to do tonight?
- We'll see.

.

Global warming is real:

http://img401.imageshack.us/my.php?image=warmingsbw0pl0.jpg

Edited by Agobot, : No reason given.


  
Shield
Member (Idle past 1149 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008


Message 139 of 540 (491849)
12-22-2008 12:56 PM


Small collection of jokes
A trichinosis larva and a botfly maggot walk into a bar. The botfly maggot turns to the trichinosis larva and says "hey buddy, I heard you like pork." The trichonosis larva looks the the botfly maggot right in the spiracles and says "indeed, I encyst upon it."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two beers.

A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a few drinks and passes the night away. When he's ready to leave he asks the bartender how much he owed, and the bartender said "For you, no charge".

A chemist, a physicist and a biologist are walking along the beach. The physicist stops, looks out at the ocean and says "I just have to understand the motion of the waves better" and walks into the sea and never returns. The biologist looks out to the sea and says "I just have to understand the sea creatures better" and walks out into the ocean and never returns. The chemist pulls out a notebook and writes "Physicist and biologist both soluble."


  
DevilsAdvocate
Member (Idle past 1388 days)
Posts: 1548
Joined: 06-05-2008


Message 140 of 540 (492933)
01-04-2009 3:05 PM


"An Atheist Meets God" and "God's Cool Designs"
I was bored today and looking through youtube and ran across this absolutely hillarious video that I think every Christian should watch. It shows the ridiculousness of this religion. I was ROTFL through the entire thing. Hope you get a chuckle:

An Atheist Meets God

And here is another video by Edward Current that puts intelligent design into it's correct perspective:

God's Cool Designs

Edited by DevilsAdvocate, : No reason given.

Edited by DevilsAdvocate, : No reason given.

Edited by DevilsAdvocate, : Added YouTube Videos


For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
Dr. Carl Sagan

Replies to this message:
 Message 141 by dwise1, posted 01-04-2009 4:58 PM DevilsAdvocate has not yet responded

dwise1
Member
Posts: 3768
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 3.7


Message 141 of 540 (492940)
01-04-2009 4:58 PM
Reply to: Message 140 by DevilsAdvocate
01-04-2009 3:05 PM


Re: "An Atheist Meets God" and "God's Cool Designs"
In re your first link, about a year ago I stumbled upon an atheist site that had a short story. Sorry I don't have a link nor remember a name, though I seem to recall it to be a European site (but don't hold me to that).

In that story, a Christian missionary stumbles upon a village of atheists who had never ever before heard of God or of religion or of Christianity. And they were all eager to hear what this missionary had to say. Listening to every word he said, they had to stop and ask him questions when something didn't make any sense. Which turned out to quite often, because so much of the missionary's message (all of it just standard Christian proselytizing) was counter-intuitive, contrary to fact, and self-contradictory. Finally, the missionary had to flee the village out of frustration, despite the villagers' sincere wish to hear and understand his message.

Maybe not a story you could share with the mess, but a good one for Christian proselytizers to disabuse them of the delusion that we're just obstinately resisting them; no, their message quite honestly makes no sense to us.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 140 by DevilsAdvocate, posted 01-04-2009 3:05 PM DevilsAdvocate has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 142 by elianna, posted 01-06-2009 8:23 AM dwise1 has not yet responded

  
elianna 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3844 days)
Posts: 4
Joined: 01-06-2009


Message 142 of 540 (493119)
01-06-2009 8:23 AM
Reply to: Message 141 by dwise1
01-04-2009 4:58 PM


Re: "An Atheist Meets God" and "God's Cool Designs"
Shrewd Investment
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:

"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"


This message is a reply to:
 Message 141 by dwise1, posted 01-04-2009 4:58 PM dwise1 has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
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elianna 
Suspended Member (Idle past 3844 days)
Posts: 4
Joined: 01-06-2009


Message 143 of 540 (493120)
01-06-2009 8:25 AM
Reply to: Message 142 by elianna
01-06-2009 8:23 AM


Re: "An Atheist Meets God" and "God's Cool Designs"
Giving Cats Pills
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Edited by Adminnemooseus, : Aint telling.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 142 by elianna, posted 01-06-2009 8:23 AM elianna has not yet responded

  
Minnemooseus
Member
Posts: 3766
From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior)
Joined: 11-11-2001
Member Rating: 3.6


Message 144 of 540 (493928)
01-11-2009 7:35 PM


You might live in Minnesota.
Received via e-mail from a friend -

quote:
Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, You might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", You might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, You might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Minnesota .

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, You might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You might live in Minnesota.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, You might live in Minnesota.

If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi ... Cloquet ... Edina... and Shakopee, You might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, You might live in Minnesota .

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend, You might live in Minnesota.

You measure distance in hours, You might live in Minnesota .

You know several people, who have hit deer more than once, You might live in Minnesota.

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, You might live in Minnesota.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, You might live in Minnesota.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, You might live in Minnesota.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, You might live in Minnesota.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison, You might live in Minnesota.

You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them, You might live in Minnesota.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, You might live in Minnesota.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, You might live in Minnesota.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, You might live in Minnesota.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, You might live in Minnesota.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent, You might live in Minnesota.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, You might live in Minnesota .

If "Down South" to you means Iowa, You might live in Minnesota.

You know "a brat" is something you eat, You might live in Minnesota.

You find -10 degrees "a little chilly", You might live in Minnesota.

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, You DO live in Minnesota.


Moose

Edited by Minnemooseus, : Fix subtitle.


Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment.

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for — but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose


  
RAZD
Member
Posts: 20156
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 4.1


Message 145 of 540 (494032)
01-12-2009 9:08 PM


The First Primate
Just ran across this and thought it was hilarious:

http://www.palaeos.com/Vertebrates/Units/480Archonta/480.400.html#Adapiformes

This is a serious site with a large data-base of cladistic relations between species.

quote:
Primates: Lemurs, monkeys, aye-ayes, Anglicans & apes.

Range: from the Late Cretaceous or early Paleocene.

Phylogeny: Primatomorpha : Plesiadapiformes + * : Strepsirhini + Haplorhini.

Characters: Shortened rostrum; addition of hypocone & loss of paraconid from basic tribosphenic pattern; bunodont cusps; loss of at least 1 incisor and 1 premolar in all but most basal forms; orbits face anteriorly, with stereoscopic vision & well-developed vision; ethmoid exposed on orbital wall; postorbital bar; enlarged brain; floor of auditory bulla from petrosal; clavicle retained as prominent element of pectoral girdle; shoulder joint with broad mobility; digits 5/5; opposable digits; tactile pads at ends of digits; elongated hind limb; facultative bipedalism common; nail on hallux and other digits; herbivorous or omnivorous; 2 mammaries; 1-2 young per pregnancy; long gestation and developmental time; frequently highly social, with flexible dominance hierarchies; strongly adapted to arboreal life.


Click to enlarge

Thomas Cranmer (1489-1556), Archbishop of Canterbury and first Primate of the Church of England.


Enjoy.


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

Replies to this message:
 Message 146 by Coragyps, posted 01-13-2009 11:26 AM RAZD has acknowledged this reply

Coragyps
Member
Posts: 5399
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


Message 146 of 540 (494064)
01-13-2009 11:26 AM
Reply to: Message 145 by RAZD
01-12-2009 9:08 PM


Re: The First Primate
Palaeos is GREAT! And they have quite a bit of wit tucked away in all kinds of odd spots, too.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 145 by RAZD, posted 01-12-2009 9:08 PM RAZD has acknowledged this reply

  
kjsimons
Member
Posts: 670
From: Orlando,FL
Joined: 06-17-2003


Message 147 of 540 (494960)
01-20-2009 8:51 AM


Storm by Tim Minchin
I was watching a webpod of The Atheist Experience when the host, Matt Dillahunty mentioned a video of Tim Minchin reciting his poem "Storm". It's a send up of anti-science people and imho it's very good. The video appears to have disappeared but I do have a link to the lyrics, enjoy! :D

Storm by Tim Minchin


Replies to this message:
 Message 166 by Modulous, posted 03-06-2009 4:07 PM kjsimons has responded

Lithodid-Man
Member (Idle past 1218 days)
Posts: 504
From: Juneau, Alaska, USA
Joined: 03-22-2004


Message 148 of 540 (495219)
01-21-2009 4:20 PM
Reply to: Message 120 by Asgara
11-18-2008 2:47 PM


Re: Stunning Break with Last Eight Years
According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off."

The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

LOL!

Reminds of the narrator from Idiocracy:
"Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them"


Doctor Bashir: "Of all the stories you told me, which were true and which weren't?"
Elim Garak: "My dear Doctor, they're all true"
Doctor Bashir: "Even the lies?"
Elim Garak: "Especially the lies"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 120 by Asgara, posted 11-18-2008 2:47 PM Asgara has not yet responded

  
Taz
Member (Idle past 1579 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 149 of 540 (495336)
01-22-2009 2:00 AM


creationist flow chart

Replies to this message:
 Message 150 by DevilsAdvocate, posted 01-22-2009 5:50 AM Taz has not yet responded
 Message 155 by Nighttrain, posted 02-13-2009 4:34 AM Taz has not yet responded

DevilsAdvocate
Member (Idle past 1388 days)
Posts: 1548
Joined: 06-05-2008


Message 150 of 540 (495366)
01-22-2009 5:50 AM
Reply to: Message 149 by Taz
01-22-2009 2:00 AM


Re: creationist flow chart
Good one Taz! Funny but true.

Now That's Funny - I don't Care Who You Are.

Creationists here's your sign, I mean flow chart!


For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
Dr. Carl Sagan

This message is a reply to:
 Message 149 by Taz, posted 01-22-2009 2:00 AM Taz has not yet responded

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