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Author Topic:   Humor IV
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 130 of 540 (491404)
12-15-2008 5:29 PM
Reply to: Message 128 by Huntard
12-14-2008 5:16 PM


Re: Shoes thrown at Bush
When giving an interview in Iraq today, this is what happened to your poor president:

ROFLMAO!!! Thats awesome! If only the shoe would have struck his stupid forehead. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into him! lol


This message is a reply to:
 Message 128 by Huntard, posted 12-14-2008 5:16 PM Huntard has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 164 of 540 (501147)
03-04-2009 5:15 PM


A bit belated but, Feb 26th marked the 15th aniversary of Bill Hicks death.

A long time issue has always been the censoring of Hicks' last Tonight Show performance by David Letterman and the boys at the network.

On Jan 30th, Letterman, openly admitted to his mistake during his broadcast, invited Mary Hicks - Bills mother - on the show, and finally aired the censored clip.

Enjoy.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3


"I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks

"I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky


  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 206 of 540 (507273)
05-03-2009 11:22 AM


A Jewish woman, an African woman and a Muslim woman all give birth on the same day, at the same hospital.

Due to a mix up with the paper work the hospital doesn't know who's child belongs to who.

Quickly, the Muslim woman runs in and grabs the African child.

The nurses see this and stop her saying "Of all 3 of the chidren, the one we actually know who it belongs to is obviously the African child, who is black, like it's parents."

And the Muslim woman said, "Yes, but of the other 2 in there one of them is Jewish...and I'm not taking any chances."


"I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks

"I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky


Replies to this message:
 Message 208 by New Cat's Eye, posted 05-06-2009 1:36 PM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 210 of 540 (507614)
05-06-2009 7:21 PM
Reply to: Message 208 by New Cat's Eye
05-06-2009 1:36 PM


A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a little boy.
The priest says: "Hey, lets go screw him!"

to which the Rabbi asks: "Out of what?"

:laugh:

---------------------------------

3 priest are in a boat with 3 boys fishing.

Suddenly, the boat starts sinking.

One of the priest said "Save the children!"

The other priest said "Fuck the the children!"

And the last priest said "Do you think we have time?!"


"I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks

"I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky


This message is a reply to:
 Message 208 by New Cat's Eye, posted 05-06-2009 1:36 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 224 of 540 (509375)
05-20-2009 10:41 PM
Reply to: Message 223 by RAZD
05-20-2009 10:28 PM


Las mujeres estan loca...
Except that women never make a mistake, and like a computer when there is a problem it is the operator (male's) fault ...

Wait, I remember reading a story about a woman who made the mistake of eating from the wrong tree. There was a pretty huge penalty for that, I think...what was it again? Oh yeah, God hates us now forever.

Fuck'n chicks...

No offense, SammyJean. :D

- Oni

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


"I smoke pot. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your mouth."--Bill Hicks

"I never knew there was another option other than to question everything"--Noam Chomsky


This message is a reply to:
 Message 223 by RAZD, posted 05-20-2009 10:28 PM RAZD has acknowledged this reply

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 231 of 540 (511730)
06-11-2009 1:04 PM


A song about the unknown brother of Jesus.

And of course, a song about the opposition.

- Oni

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


Petition to Bailout Comedy The Laugh Factory is imploring Congress to immediately fund what owner Jamie Masada calls an "Economic Cheer-Up." If Congress fails to act quickly, the Laugh Factory comedians are planning to march to Washington and plea to President Obama.
Replies to this message:
 Message 232 by Theodoric, posted 06-11-2009 1:20 PM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 233 of 540 (511755)
06-11-2009 4:39 PM
Reply to: Message 232 by Theodoric
06-11-2009 1:20 PM


I think I hear fundie heads exploding.

:laugh: Well then, here's one more from Stephen Lynch to finish the "exploding head" job!

Enjoy - Oni


Petition to Bailout Comedy The Laugh Factory is imploring Congress to immediately fund what owner Jamie Masada calls an "Economic Cheer-Up." If Congress fails to act quickly, the Laugh Factory comedians are planning to march to Washington and plea to President Obama.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 232 by Theodoric, posted 06-11-2009 1:20 PM Theodoric has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 239 by onifre, posted 07-10-2009 6:25 PM onifre has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 239 of 540 (514684)
07-10-2009 6:25 PM
Reply to: Message 233 by onifre
06-11-2009 4:39 PM


Brian Regan on: planets, pluto and intelligent life. Funny stuff!

You get an extra point if anyone can tell me what the audience member yells out, and what it was in reference to.

Enjoy,

- Oni

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 233 by onifre, posted 06-11-2009 4:39 PM onifre has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 240 by Blue Jay, posted 07-10-2009 9:13 PM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 241 of 540 (514703)
07-11-2009 8:56 AM
Reply to: Message 240 by Blue Jay
07-10-2009 9:13 PM


Hi Bluejay,

"The big, yellow one is the sun!"

It's the kid from the science fair bit.

Well done!

What is the extra point good for?

Go to any Starbucks and order whatever you like, it's free. Just let them know I sent you and give them a quick explanation of how you won.

Note: this is a one time only deal.

And, the word "extra" implies that there are other means to attain these points.

There are.

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 240 by Blue Jay, posted 07-10-2009 9:13 PM Blue Jay has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 242 by onifre, posted 07-11-2009 3:49 PM onifre has not yet responded
 Message 243 by Blue Jay, posted 07-15-2009 11:09 PM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 242 of 540 (514724)
07-11-2009 3:49 PM
Reply to: Message 241 by onifre
07-11-2009 8:56 AM


wrong thread

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 241 by onifre, posted 07-11-2009 8:56 AM onifre has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 244 of 540 (515165)
07-16-2009 12:11 AM
Reply to: Message 243 by Blue Jay
07-15-2009 11:09 PM


Hi Bluejay,

You're sending a Mormon to a coffee shop.

You must be a comedian or something.

Oooops, sorry

I didn't know you couldn't drink coffee as a Mormon - I don't know much about the Mormon faith.

Why can't you drink coffee, if you don't mind?

- Oni

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 243 by Blue Jay, posted 07-15-2009 11:09 PM Blue Jay has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 253 by Blue Jay, posted 07-24-2009 5:05 PM onifre has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 246 of 540 (515743)
07-20-2009 9:54 PM


Jim Jeffries
Got to work with this guy recently. Very funny. Aussie who made it big in the UK.

If you get a chance check him out at your local comedy club.

DISCLAIMER: In this video he is quite dirty, if you take issue with cursing don't watch!

Enjoy,

- Oni


Replies to this message:
 Message 247 by Percy, posted 07-21-2009 1:12 AM onifre has responded
 Message 248 by Taz, posted 07-21-2009 2:41 AM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 249 of 540 (515790)
07-21-2009 8:15 AM
Reply to: Message 247 by Percy
07-21-2009 1:12 AM


Re: Jim Jeffries
Any chance of getting a video of *you* performing?

--Percy

Sure...I just thought that would come across as too pretentious.

But I'll get some videos up.

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 247 by Percy, posted 07-21-2009 1:12 AM Percy has acknowledged this reply

Replies to this message:
 Message 369 by Meldinoor, posted 12-20-2009 2:56 AM onifre has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 250 of 540 (515803)
07-21-2009 10:37 AM
Reply to: Message 248 by Taz
07-21-2009 2:41 AM


Re: Jim Jeffries
Onifre, are you the comic that sells t-shirts that say something like FU/FU2 or something like that? If that's the case, I think I bought one of your t-shirts.

No, that's not me. I actually have no shirts for sale. In fact, my manager and I were just talking about that last week.

I was a writer more than a performer for a while. I've been performing staedy now for about 3 years (6 in total) and have just started to get some recognition from festivals and talent people, so I'm now starting to put together promo-kits for it. To include shirts, CD-DVD's, etc.

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 248 by Taz, posted 07-21-2009 2:41 AM Taz has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1118 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 275 of 540 (519505)
08-14-2009 9:51 AM


Louis Ck learns about the Catholic church.

Enjoy,

- Oni


If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
~George Carlin
  
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