Humor IV

For lack of a better idea of where to put this. SourceMoose

P.Z. Myers in the news (the catholic church communion wafer incident)

quote:

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Ole was the only Lutheran in his little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. So the neighbors got together and went over and persuaded Ole to join their church. The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"

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Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again that aroma coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying: "You were born a whitetail deer, you were raised a whitetail, and now," he said with a sprinkle of seasoning, "now you are a walleye!"

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Source = Past Shows | A Prairie Home CompanionMoose

LOL Bush: The president at the Olympics | US news | The GuardianMoose

Just discovered this in an old newspaper. I don't have a link to an online version.Frame 1: Frame 2: Frame 3: Frame 4: Moose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

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"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

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"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for ” but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

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"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

Schedule of Events7:00 pm Opening raising of the Halliburton flag.7:15 pm John Bolton speech on why the United Nations is irrelevant and why the U.S. shouldn't give a rip what the rest of the world thinks.7:20 pm Dick Cheney fires off a celebratory shotgun blast.7:25 pm Religious prayer - Anne Colter7:45 pm Ceremonial tree chipping - James Watt (is he still alive?)7:55 pm Dick Cheney fires off another celebratory shotgun blast.8:00 pm How the Bush Administration was “A uniter, not a divider”8:15 pm Yacht launchings power point presentation - Some rich SOB8:35 pm Dick Cheney fires another celebratory shotgun blast8:40 pm Torture is a good thing - Alberto Gonzolas9.00 pm Memorial service for Jerry Falwall - Sarah Palin and George W. Bush10:00 pm CIA covert agent ID protection - Scooter Libby and Dick Cheney11:00 pm Dick Cheney fires off yet another celebratory shotgun blast.11:05 pm Collection for the Dick Cheney heart transplant fund - Ted Nugent11:15 pm Free the Enron executives from prison - Someone wearing a mask.11:30 pm The second amendment and firearms safety - Dick Cheney11:45 pm Dick Cheney fires off yet another celebratory shotgun blast. Reloads gun.11:50 pm Ronald Reagan's loving relationship with Bonzo the chimp - Nancy Reagan12:15 am Truth in broadcasting award - Presented to the Faux Network by Ben Stein and Jerome Corsi12:25 am Dick Cheney fires off yet another celebratory shotgun blast.12:30 am Seance - Republican party endorsed by Benito Musolini.12:45 am Nomination of John McCain - Newt Gingritch1:00 am Dick Cheney fires off yet another celebratory shotgun blast, almost hits John McCain.1:30 am Dick Cheney fires off yet another celebratory shotgun blast which rearranges Sarah Palin’s hairdo.1:35 am John McCain asks Dick Cheney to take George W. Bush out on a hunting trip.OK, some rough edges there, but probably still as good as the Democrat version.MooseEdited by Minnemooseus, : Tweak.Edited by Minnemooseus, : Another tweak.

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

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"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for ” but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

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"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

Received via e-mail from a friend -

quote:

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Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota:

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If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, You might live in Minnesota.

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If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Minnesota.

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If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", You might live in Minnesota.

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If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, You might live in Minnesota.

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If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Minnesota .

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If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, You might live in Minnesota.

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If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You might live in Minnesota.

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If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, You might live in Minnesota.

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If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi ... Cloquet ... Edina... and Shakopee, You might live in Minnesota.

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If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, You might live in Minnesota .

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If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend, You might live in Minnesota.

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You measure distance in hours, You might live in Minnesota .

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You know several people, who have hit deer more than once, You might live in Minnesota.

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You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, You might live in Minnesota.

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You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, You might live in Minnesota.

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You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, You might live in Minnesota.

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You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, You might live in Minnesota.

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You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison, You might live in Minnesota.

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You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them, You might live in Minnesota.

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There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, You might live in Minnesota.

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You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, You might live in Minnesota.

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Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, You might live in Minnesota.

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You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, You might live in Minnesota.

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You can identify a southern or eastern accent, You might live in Minnesota.

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Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, You might live in Minnesota .

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If "Down South" to you means Iowa, You might live in Minnesota.

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You know "a brat" is something you eat, You might live in Minnesota.

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You find -10 degrees "a little chilly", You might live in Minnesota.

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You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, You DO live in Minnesota.

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MooseEdited by Minnemooseus, : Fix subtitle.

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

​

"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for ” but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

​

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

cursorsOther oddness viewable via euh?Moose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

​

"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for ” but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

​

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/...immie_Riddle_-_Yakety_Eeeph.mp3That thing won't directly play for me, but I can download save it and then play it.It and more sounds and information are available at EEF BEAT MANIFESTO (MP3s) - WFMU's Beware of the Blog. They also have a player available there, via the little blue and white arrow thingy.Moose

Not humor, but I find it to be rather fasinating. Be sure to see links at page bottom for more pages.Warning - Lots of large file graphics - I saved one page and it ran 23,000kB.MooseAdded by edit: UntitledEdited by Minnemooseus, : D'oh - add link to site.

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

​

"Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for ” but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him." - Hunter S. Thompson

​

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

ASL's LEGO PagePretty amazing.Moose

quote:

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Most states have Adopt-A-Highway programs where organizations and groups can volunteer to keep a section of a highway clean of rubbish. Some years ago the state of Missouri lost a legal battle when it tried to prevent the Ku Klux Klan from volunteering. But they were ready in 2008 when a neo-Nazi group called the Nationalist Socialist Movement volunteered to clean a highway. "Sure," said the Missouri Department of Transportation, "You can clean this section of highway four times a year." The state immediately renamed the highway the Rabbi Abraham Joshua Herchel Memorial Highway, who gained Jewish fame by escaping Nazi Germany and becoming a prominent Jewish theologian and civil rights lobbyist in the United States. The Nazis are now keeping "his" highway clean - and don't dare stop.

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Source (off-line):
Ed Raymond
The Reader (Duluth, Minnesota, USA), July 30, 2009, page 13Moose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment.

​

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

"Yesterday on Fox News, commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. To be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people." - Conan O'BrienI earlier weeded a couple of Bush era quotes out of my "signature". I've now added the above quoted.Yes, it's a lot of quotes. But I make a point of only activating my "signature" occasionally, by no means every time I post.Moose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment.

​

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

​

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

​

"Yesterday on Fox News, commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. To be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people." - Conan O'Brien

​

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

quote:

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Which the editorial board of Investors Business Daily obviously is, as they allowed this to be printed on their pages.

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People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.

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Perhaps they don't have access to the Internets at Investors Business Daily, because even Wikipedia will tell you that Hawking is British, lives in Britain, and has lived to the age of 67 there, and was diagnosed with ALS under, and treated by the National Health Service for his entire adult life. They must have just been fooled by his voice synthesizer's American accent.

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A little more at the source.The editorial in question has since been corrected, or something like that.Moose

I'm not sure which is worse, Barack Obamer or the Dali Lamer.I wonder how they pronounce "Sidney Poitier"?Yes, I often listen to the beeb late nights/early mornings here in the colonies. It's on National Public Radio.Moose ps: Don't have speakers on the computer I'm using right now, but I'll take your word about it.

Wasn't it referred to as "leather netting", when you would transfer data by walking a floppy from one computer to another?Now they have "feather netting".Moose