Humor IV

Source: Blog not foundMoose

linkyMoose

You've heard of the new Conservative Bible Project.But more significant, and as I understand it mostly complete, is the LOLCat Bible translationGenesis 1:

quote:

---

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

​

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

​

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

​

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

​

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

​

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

​

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

​

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

​

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

​

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

​

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

​

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

​

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

​

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

---

Better formatting at the source page.Moose

I can't immagince why anyone would want to do that much effort in the name of satire (and I pretty much just looked at the home page). Is the Landover Baptist site that massive?Moose

As previously mentioned, this is Granny Magda's source.In the comments of that cite, an online version of the full article is listed:http://archive.easternecho.com/...turned-size-obamas-packageI'll copy/paste the whole thing (which may well not be proper):

quote:

---

Republicans turned off by size of Obama's package
Opinions
By Tom Brandt / Opinions Editor
Friday, January 30, 2009

​

Republicans are not sparing the rod when it comes to beating up on President Obama’s economic stimulus package, but it’s clear they are unable to raise their membership to withstand the newly found vigor of his congressional muscle.

​

President Obama’s massive $819 billion spending-and-tax-cut package was rammed through the U.S. House of Representatives on Wednesday without the support of a single Republican member. Even with 11 Democratic representatives opposing the bill, the 244-to-188 count reflected the bulging Democratic majority that has now swollen the House.

​

Ever since the Republican fantasy of endless majorities began collapsing beneath a disgusting load of GOP lies and incompetence in 2006, Republicans have quickly come to realize they can look probably forward to many legislative defeats like Wednesday’s ahead.

​

For six long years, America gave the Republicans all the rope they wanted — and sure enough — now they have hung themselves.

​

While the lopsided tally of Wednesday’s House vote surely must have been hard on GOP members, President Obama was not about to stick it to Republicans, as he graciously invited Congressional leaders of both parties to the White House that evening for cocktails.

​

He said he wanted action, bold and swift, pointed out Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Democrat of California, according to the New York Times, as debate began Wednesday morning on Obama’s gigantic package, and that is exactly what we we’re doing today.

​

As debate over the dimensions of Obama’s package snaked through the House, the blame game over who bore responsibility for America’s current economic pickle grew predictably partisan.

​

According to the Times account, Rep. Virginia Foxx, Republican of North Carolina, raised the familiar argument that GOP tax cuts in 2001 had stimulated years of job growth. The firmness of the U.S. economy had only flagged, Rep. Foxx complained, once Democrats fastened their grip on Congress in 2006.

​

These comments obviously pricked the ears of Democratic Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland, who noodled his GOP opponents by pointing out it was their member’s dysfunction that savaged America with the economics that got us into this mess.

​

Although conservative commentators like Fox News’s Glenn Beck have hammered the president’s stimulus package as somehow socialistic, arguing in his January 26th column that America should call a spade a spade, most observers view the Obama plan as much more likely to stimulate America’s flaccid free-market system than Bush and Paulson’s bailouts for the big banks — which shafted the country’s real working stiffs.

​

The meat of the Obama package consists of billions for the states, and programs to help families overcome the hardships brought on by six years of Republicans jimmying with government regulation and jacking up corporate welfare.

​

In the end, witnessing the Obama stimulus package being massaged by Congress is much like watching any government sausage being made; it’s not for the faint of heart. But this package is probably the best tool available to stimulate America’s soft economy — and in that, we can all take some satisfaction.

​

The Obama package may not be the best piece of stimulative legislation ever to enter the Oval Office, but it represents the best job harried congressional members are likely to come up with. And it certainly beats any package Bush ever raised.

---

Moose

Another abby called for all but absolute silence - A monk could speak two words every ten years.After his first ten years, a monk walked into the head monks office, said "bed hard", and walked out.Ten years late the same monk again visited the office and said "food bad".After thirty total years, one last office visit, where he says "I quit".The head monk responds "It doesn't surprise me. Since you arrived, you've done nothing but complain."Moose