Hi Meldinoor, I hope my response does not lead to others dragging this thread off topic by responding to my position.
It's hard to point to a single reason for why I lost my faith. The Creation-Evolution debate certainly had nothing to do with it, as I never saw any conflict between a belief in a higher power and an acceptance of the natural processes that produced mankind. Rather, I think I just became less averse to being critical of myself and my religion. At some point the scales just fell from my eyes and I realized that I had no real reason to maintain my belief in God. There was only blind faith, and what good is faith when it could just as well be used to form the basis for any quack religion?
I've always disliked organized religion, as it seemed to have little to do with living by the precepts. Perhaps this is why I have preferred the Buddhist faiths, especially zen and an emphasis on individual personal development. For me, faith is a personal journey, rather than a follow-the-leader behavior, and there are many paths to the top of the mountain.
...I've reevaluated many of the personal beliefs that I've espoused on this forum, most notably my religious beliefs. I now consider myself something of an agnostic, though I don't make a meaningful distinction between agnosticism and atheism, and labels aren't important anyway.
Curiously, I've gone the other way, from strong atheist to agnostic deist. There are several reasons, but the largest was that I could no longer support the atheist position. The logic was too flawed, and the only "evidence" was the apparent absence of evidence for god/s, arguments that begged the question, and other logical fallacies. More and more it seemed that the strong atheist position was just as flawed and self-referential as the strong theist position, and just as willing to ignore the shortcomings. Both strong theists and strong atheists strike me as being smug in their self-delusions.
It became evident to me that the only rational position, based on logic and the perceptible testable objective empirical evidence, was pure agnosticism - that the theist side was not supported by evidence, and the atheist side was not supported by evidence, that the answer was not known, could not be discerned from our current knowledge, and that either position could be true.
Thus I became an open minded skeptic - a better description than agnostic imho - open to the possibilities, but skeptical of any one position\belief being more valid than any other position\belief.
From there, it seems (to me, anyway) that the Buddhist\Zen\Deist position is the most logical belief on the theist side, although I remain skeptical.
I'm curious whether anyone else here who has gone through a deconversion recognizes any of this. Is it usually this difficult? How long did it take you to go from a fairly deep religious conviction to non-belief in God?
It was not hard for me, as it was more like opening ones eyes during learning new things.
I expect the rabid hordes of hard atheists will now descend and try to shred my position, so I will note that this is not the thread to discuss this, as my personal belief is not the original topic nor is it related to it, nor do I intend to discuss it, as I do not need to justify my personal beliefs to anyone but myself.
Curiously, many of these atheists are past believers in a strong christian theism, and they should be able to relate their experiences in deconversion rather than take this thread off topic.
It seems to me that part of the human psychological behavior pattern is to swing hard to the other extreme rather than rest in between. It seems (to me anyway) that the most ardent anti-smokers are ones who have recently quit, the most ardent anti-drinkers are ones who have recently quit, the most ardent anti-theists are ones who have recently quit, so I hope you can find some balance.
Enjoy.
we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.
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