The EvC Rock Band

How about Fred Williams and the Fantasyland Fallacious Five?
Sy on drums (and to whine backup vocals in the background)
mike the wiz on air guitar (with help from consumption of an expired can of baked beans...though I doubt he would believe the air comes from there..god made it!)
buzsaw as a Marylin Manson clone given his recent posts I sort of picture him looking like Manson..with more piercings perhaps).
defenderofthefaith on bass (since you cannot go much lower than his arguments)
Wise...just standing there grinning with a stack of pictures in his hand...won't tell you what he is doing with the other hand.
and Fred blowing hot air through a trumpetBut you would have to be watch for schedule and venue changes, Fred might announce the concert and then not show up until months later.[This message has been edited by Mammuthus, 10-06-2003]

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Take Two in ITHACA is not six, let alone a FIVE

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But the inability of numbers to add up properly in Ithaca is only a result of the "radioactive urine in the Taughannock falls" incident...and I was at home shaving my pet kinkajou and am not responsible!

Yes, and when Fred bails out of a gig to watch Caddyshack re-runs the band that usually subs for him is Warren's Irreducibly Complex Groovy Tunes. It consists of a Warren, a banjo, and a slightly annoyed chihuahua named Puddles who has the ability to bark the lyrics to 50 Cents "In da Club". If any component of the band is not present they obviously cannot play and thus a teleological explanation for the band must be considered.

It is perhaps fortunate that Dan did not throw explosives at the concert. The hot air generated by Fred combined with incendiary devices could have lead to mass confusion. Fred would have been left even more disoriented than normal staggering and mumbling as he pondered whether they really HAD switched Darren's in "I dream of Genie" or if he was just imagining it all. I dare say between that and trying to figure out if Ginger and Amber Lynn are different people, Fred would have been overwhelmed.

Yes, the trays in the AMNH cafeteria did in fact talk and often gave dissertation length speeches on who had priority regarding punctuated equilibrium. Given the mass of Gould and Eldredge, when the two came to blows it was very difficult to keep my capuccino and muskox with endive wrap steady on the plate...however, most impressive that you walked through New Jersey and still have enough chromosomes intact to write with such precision given the above average ( for a small sun )radioactivity of most of the Garden State that leads to such profound genetic defects such as Bon Jovi.

As a follow up to the story, Mammuthus and the entire group Heritability of Zero were arrested when it was discovered that in fact Syamsu was correct, there is no significant difference between creationists and Mammuthus was actually punching Fred Williams in the parking lot.. It was not until Williams started screaming out lines from Caddyshack that Mammuthus realized his mistake....having realized his error he redoubled his efforts leading to truncation selection of Williams ability to quote mine and mischaracterize evolution. The weeping at Patriot Universty could be heard easily from the neighbors garage for days.While in prison, Hambre and Dan finally found the appropriate venue to consumate their burning desire for one another....either that or the squeeking bedsprings and muffled cries were a result of Syamsu asking his cellmate "Big Bubba Clinton" if he could look at the tattoo on his butt since he did not think there was any significant difference to the one on his own posterior....apparently telling Bubba to go away was unsuccessful and Sy was left with a noticable limp for years to come.It is unclear why the other members of Heritability of Zero were arrested in the first place. Rumor has it that a one Mrs. schrafinator called the police because Dan was smoking in a bar and had not asked everyone in the state if it was ok. Rhrain apparently had Mr. Hambre arrested for his non-PC t-shirt showing Kermit the Frog selling drugs to lesbian nuns. Hambre pleaded innocent claiming that the t shirt was a gift from his good friend Wise and that he did not see any meaning in the picture. Rei was arrested by Sargeant Moose and charged with posting too many messages at some kooky forum and using a lot of vowels. Said offence carries a maximum penalty of four days of posting the same messages at said forum but each post limited to the length of a typical message of Messenjah. Rei's therapy for her resulting carpal tunnel syndrome is quoted by many sources as the reason Heritability of Zero went bankrupt resulting in Syamsu having to sell his sexual favors to raise money...thus leading to the financial ruin of the band and much acrimony among the former members.As per usual, Mammuthus was not charged and released. Being a member of an extinct genus left the authorities with no identification and no way to prosecute the hairy reporter...however, an accident befell him on his way to the local Tasty Freeze resulting in his getting trapped in ice and getting poked at by funny talking French people who then flew him around in a block accross Siberia strapped to an old military helicopter. The last news regarding his condition was that a group of paleontologists were continuously styling the hair of his head that was sticking out of the block of ice somewhere deep in a former Gulag.

As a result of Cthulhu's mass consumption of mammoth meat, smoke filled tissues, snake eyes, non-varying zero heritable flesh, and a a set of odd colored marbles followed by not adhering to the principle of going to bed several hours after a huge meal, C had extremely bad gas. Amazingly, the combination of odd meats and the six pack of Malt Duck that C drank, C's gas mimiced exactly the conditions of the early earth leading to abiogenesis as he slept thus causing the collapse of the creationist movement and subsequent poor sales of Michael Behe's new book "Intelligent Design Evidence is Self Evident and yes, I do mean God"
Newly converted evolutionist Fred Williams exclaimed upon hearing of the results of Cthulhu's inadvertent experiment "and I thought only my ideas came out of my ass"

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I want to mention that Mammuthus is only concentrating on the negative in his update of the Heritability of Zero story. Yes, our European tour ended in arrests and extradition. However, our fan base among Eurocarnies is burgeoning. No one ever mentions the good things.

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You are right, my negativity is over the top. Ever since the end Pleistocene when the flora changed so drastically it has been hard to find good grass (and it does in fact agree with Salty). You try being positive when you have been constipated for 10,000 years. As Fred, he has been full of shit his entire life and look how charming he is!Ok Ok, there were some positive outcome from the HoZ arrests in europe. Hambre did find a new career in the takeout service industry having been promoted to delivering inflatable love dolls to prominent EU commissioners. Though he did suffer minor abrasions from an incorrectly manufactured love doll that he took for a spin. But he was awarded 10 Euros by the European Criminal Court when it was discovered that the poor manufacturing was a result of strikes in the French pornography industry better known as the government or "Le Incompetent" by the French themselves.Dan's solo career took off when he realized he could smoke AND yodel at the same time. He became a bigger household name in Germany, Austria, and the German speaking portion of Switzerland than David Hasselhof though he remained bitter that rather than having groupies like Pamela Anderson he was only sexually harassed by the former East German womens swim team. Dan noted "I havent seen so much testosterone since the mass groping event at Arnie's Womens Day pep rally."Even something positive to Syamsu as a result of the arrest. He finally understood that telling your sex starved 300 lb cell mate "Calling me your bitch could lead to nazism like Lorenz" and that he should just go away is not a particularly good idea.Unfortunatley for Rei, I cannot really post anything positive. With some time to kill while the rest of the band was trying to get out of prison, she was bored and took a sampling of her posts, translated them into French with babelfish, and then back into English and found out they were identical to Fred William's posts including Caddyshack references....she has not let up on the cans of Sterno ever since.Thank you Hambre for showing me the light...I will only focus on the positive from now on...

Through the eyes of three women??? Brad you stud!..I must have been at the wrong parties