Register | Sign In


Understanding through Discussion


EvC Forum active members: 65 (9162 total)
3 online now:
Newest Member: popoi
Post Volume: Total: 915,817 Year: 3,074/9,624 Month: 919/1,588 Week: 102/223 Day: 0/13 Hour: 0/0


Thread  Details

Email This Thread
Newer Topic | Older Topic
  
Author Topic:   Humour VI
fearandloathing
Member (Idle past 4145 days)
Posts: 990
From: Burlington, NC, USA
Joined: 02-24-2011


Message 151 of 553 (617417)
05-28-2011 6:32 PM
Reply to: Message 150 by frako
05-28-2011 6:22 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
Some great ones in there, last one is by far the best, thanks.

"I hate to advocate the use of drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson
Ad astra per aspera
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 150 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 6:22 PM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 153 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 7:06 PM fearandloathing has seen this message but not replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 152 of 553 (617418)
05-28-2011 7:00 PM
Reply to: Message 149 by fearandloathing
05-28-2011 6:09 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
In college (1970 to 1974) a friend was from Yugoslovia -- don't know from which side, since Tito was still in power, but she remembered from elementary school having to run off and hide in the hills because of attacks from the other side.
One of the jokes then was that Yugoslavians weren't allowed to swim in the Adriatic because it would leave a ring. That was demonstrated by sprinkling pepper, representing Italians, into a glass of water, then a drop of detergent to represent Yugoslavs that made everybody else get out of the water.
Offered in the spirit of good humor.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 149 by fearandloathing, posted 05-28-2011 6:09 PM fearandloathing has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 154 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 7:18 PM dwise1 has replied

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 153 of 553 (617419)
05-28-2011 7:06 PM
Reply to: Message 151 by fearandloathing
05-28-2011 6:32 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA...
... are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
First the CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
Next the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Finally the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.
In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
USS Lincoln
This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a U.S. Naval ship
with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to
avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your
course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship
in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers,
three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your
course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or
counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc., and I am also the smartest president ever. So he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane. The second passenger said, I'm Rasheed Wallace, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, and the Portland Trailblazers need me, so I can't afford to die. So he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane. The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said; I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am New York's Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane. The fourth passenger, an old man, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout, I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and a good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The boy scout said, It's okay, there's a parachute left for you. The world's smartest president took my backpack.
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What?! There's no pool here?" Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 151 by fearandloathing, posted 05-28-2011 6:32 PM fearandloathing has seen this message but not replied

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 154 of 553 (617420)
05-28-2011 7:18 PM
Reply to: Message 152 by dwise1
05-28-2011 7:00 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
the only conflict i would know of around that time was in 1968 Albanians fighting for more rights as Albanians they where considered Serbians and Serbians not liking that. Before that only WW2 as fare as i know. Or it could possibly be that Albanians still practice blood justice even in todays days strange as it sounds illegally of course, family feuds going back way too long, someone dies as a result of another and the family claims revenge and kills an other family member they in turn want vengance too ..... There are some rules to these feuds as i know i think they cant kill you at home and things like that but im glad im not Albanian anyway, and that Albania is kinda far away could be furhter for my liking.
We had jokes about every nationality in Yugoslavia.
Like a slovenian and a montenegran fall in a hole.
The slovenian says what should we do know?
The Montenegrin replays you Slovenians always want do do stuff.
Basically the Montenegrin where lazy the Bosnians where dumb, Slovenians where small (as in country) ......

This message is a reply to:
 Message 152 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 7:00 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 155 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 7:44 PM frako has replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 155 of 553 (617422)
05-28-2011 7:44 PM
Reply to: Message 154 by frako
05-28-2011 7:18 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
And, as an outsider, I don't know. That's one of the problems about ethnic jokes, you have to be emmersed in the culture to understand them. In 1970, those of us in the USA were completely ignorant of all that.
May I supplant that with a Polish-Irish joke? Polish jokes were popular around 1970, kind of like Germany's Ostfriesland jokes later on.
My father who had lived through the USA Great Depression taught me that the key to survival through any kind of financial difficulty was to be willing to do the work that nobody else wanted to do. His shining example of that was the "honey-dipper", the guy who cleaned out the outhouses (IOW, the one who emptied all the shit out of the pits that the outhouses were built over). If you are willing to do what nobody else wants to do, then you can still make a living regardless of economics.
He then told me the story of two honey-dippers, one Polish and the other Irish (my family is almost half-Irish, the other half Scottish, FWIW). The customer noticed that each and every time that team came to clean out his outhouse pit, it was always the Polish worker who went down into the pit and filled the bucket with his bare hands while it was always the Irishman who raised the bucket and kept his own hands clean. Finally, after years of observing this, the customer took the Polish worker to the side and asked why he always did the dirtiest work. "What!?! Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I'll never take no shit from no Irishman!"
PS
Two Ostfriesland jokes from German commedian, Otto.
Waving a handkerchief: "The Ostfriesland flag! White eagle on a white field!"
Soccar match between Bavaria and Ostfriesland. The Ostfriesland players hear the whistle and think the match is over, so they leave. A half hour later, Bavaria scores its first goal!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 154 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 7:18 PM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 158 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 8:29 PM dwise1 has replied

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 156 of 553 (617423)
05-28-2011 8:01 PM


Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Larson by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Devils Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Alice

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 157 of 553 (617426)
05-28-2011 8:21 PM


To the citizens of the United States of America...
In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'). You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "Shit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".
The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 158 of 553 (617429)
05-28-2011 8:29 PM
Reply to: Message 155 by dwise1
05-28-2011 7:44 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
Q: What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it'll grow a culture.
Not a joke. True story.
A friend of mine was recently teaching a SQL Server class here in London. Microsoft apparently ships it with sample databases. One such database had an "employees" table with a column indicating how much vacation time had been accrued.
The column was labelled "vacation_hours" and when this was pointed out, everyone died laughing. I'm sooooo happy I moved away from the states.
Context: I work at the BBC and since we can purchase an extra week of holiday -- the cost of which is amortized over the year -- you can start your job with six weeks vacation. This is not unusual in Europe. The idea that you accrue vacation in "hours" is laughable.
When i read this one i was wtf realy in hours how much vacation time do you get per year i think our minimum 18 days and average is around 25-30 days. (and i think 10 sick days where you can just call in sick whiteout a doctors note)
18 days for someone who hasn't worked in his life you get extra days per employment time not necessarily always in the same company.
Edited by frako, : No reason given.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 155 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 7:44 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 159 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 9:01 PM frako has replied
 Message 160 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 9:05 PM frako has not replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 159 of 553 (617431)
05-28-2011 9:01 PM
Reply to: Message 158 by frako
05-28-2011 8:29 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
In terms of vacation time, yes, we are really at the back of the line. Two weeks per year is normal. I have seniority, so I get three weeks, though as a newly single I usually just get that paid out to me.
When I was in university as German major (neh, nicht Germanistik), I worked two summers, 1973 & 1974, in Germany steuerfrei als Werkstudent. As I understood what was happening around me (being at that time the "stupid Mexican" who just smiled a lot), the regular German workers had two 3-week vacations per year, one in the winter and the other in the summer. In both the summer and the winter, German industry had a period of reduced productivity as half of its workers present acted as a cadre for training and supervising the unskilled labor force of students who worked tax-free (steuerfrei) as a means of supporting themselves through the next semester at university.
Is it still that way?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 158 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 8:29 PM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 161 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 9:25 PM dwise1 has not replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 160 of 553 (617432)
05-28-2011 9:05 PM
Reply to: Message 158 by frako
05-28-2011 8:29 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
Lovely joke from later on the TV series, M*A*S*H, after Trapper John had been replaced by that American aristrocrat, Charles Winchester something. The operating room was having problems with post-op infections. So Hawkeye remarked, "This floor is just like you, Charles. Full of culture and breeding."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 158 by frako, posted 05-28-2011 8:29 PM frako has not replied

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 161 of 553 (617434)
05-28-2011 9:25 PM
Reply to: Message 159 by dwise1
05-28-2011 9:01 PM


Re: Just for you Frako
Dunno about Germany but yea we still usually have 2 periods in the year where everyone goes on a vacation, though people combine holidays and their vacation time to get more time out of it. And we do have working students who work tax free if they dont earn too much above 500 EUR-o per moth is taxed but they work on a different system then normal workers all of their pay is transfered to them minus the cut the student service takes for being a mediator and stuff, and they basically just get a sort of appointment to work someplace work and get payed for the hrs they worked there no paperwork involved well not for the students and less for the employers. Us normal workers get taxes, insurance, retirement funds, childcare tax.... stuff like that deducted automatically they dont.
Its a grate way to earn money as a student especially if you know somebody in the student service that phones you every time a higher paying job is offered, and if you know your way around the system to get around the part where you haveto pay tax if you earn more then 500 EUR per month. The getting around the taxes part is a real eyesore for the goverment they tried to change the system 2x onetime the ministry got every window broken by students , the system is in place for high school and collage students with some limitations for high schoolers. When i was a high school and collage student i translated alot in germany for a few companies earned me about 300 EUR per month sometimes lots more once 5000 EUR in one month, the student jobs from the student service earned me 1200 EUR per month and my scholarship was 300 EUR per month my expenses where minimal the best time of my life only board and food the food was 1/4 of the regular price for students and huge portions, the board was 150 EUR per month the rest was for drinking, my first car and allot of nonsense <--- collage
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks one language? American.
Works for Italians to, they would not speak another language to save their life.
Edited by frako, : No reason given.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 159 by dwise1, posted 05-28-2011 9:01 PM dwise1 has not replied

bluescat48
Member (Idle past 4190 days)
Posts: 2347
From: United States
Joined: 10-06-2007


Message 162 of 553 (617448)
05-29-2011 12:11 AM


True story
Back in 1978, while stationed at Fort Hood, there was a common quote:
What is the most dangerous thing in the army? A 2d Lieutenant with a map.
To show this:
I was involved with a number of other soldiers during a Division Reconstruction test. I was a Nuclear, Biological & Chemical evaluator.
At one point in the training sequence, One platoon called the TOC
(Tactical Operations Center) the caller, the platoon leader a young 2d Lieutenant requested Decontamination support.
The specialist in the TOC who answered the radio request, asked the lieutenant for the grid co-ordinates of the area the decon was needed. The lieutenant gave back a 6 digit co-ordinate (nearest 100 meters). The specialist looked at the map and cracked up, picking up the mike, he responded, "Sir, if you are where you say you are, you don't need decon, you are in the middle of Belton Lake."

There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002
Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969
Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008

Replies to this message:
 Message 163 by dwise1, posted 05-29-2011 12:37 AM bluescat48 has replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 163 of 553 (617449)
05-29-2011 12:37 AM
Reply to: Message 162 by bluescat48
05-29-2011 12:11 AM


Re: True story
Why else do you think they're called "shave tails"?
Working with mules or horses, you shave the tails on the ones that kick. To warn everybody else who has to work around them.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 162 by bluescat48, posted 05-29-2011 12:11 AM bluescat48 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 164 by bluescat48, posted 05-29-2011 3:57 AM dwise1 has not replied

bluescat48
Member (Idle past 4190 days)
Posts: 2347
From: United States
Joined: 10-06-2007


Message 164 of 553 (617454)
05-29-2011 3:57 AM
Reply to: Message 163 by dwise1
05-29-2011 12:37 AM


Re: True story
That's not as bad as the 2d "Looie" in Vietnam, who had the entire base camp on alert. He went out to check the perimeter and smelled marijuana, and that meant there were VC everywhere, at least to him. The pot was being smoked by the soldiers pulling guard on the perimeter.

There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002
Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969
Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008

This message is a reply to:
 Message 163 by dwise1, posted 05-29-2011 12:37 AM dwise1 has not replied

frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 165 of 553 (617987)
05-31-2011 7:37 PM


Does anyone else think it's funny that the bible says "He who lives by the sword dies by the sword" Then has a carpenter that was killed by being nailed to a block of wood?

Replies to this message:
 Message 166 by fearandloathing, posted 05-31-2011 7:41 PM frako has not replied

Newer Topic | Older Topic
Jump to:


Copyright 2001-2023 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved

™ Version 4.2
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2024