Humour VI

I would have said Moose but I didn't want to get banned from the Coffee House lol.Edited by hooah212002, : No reason given.

Oops. Well, hooah, it's been nice talking with ya.

#2 made me spit coffee

>Property
>
> Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish
> Texan is sitting between them. The first Texan says, 'My name is
Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they
> call my place The Jolly Roger.'> The second Texan says, 'My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have
> 5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's.'
>
> They both look down at the Jewish man who says, 'My name is Irving and
> I own only 300 acres.' Roger looks down at him and say, '300 Acres?
> What do you raise?'> 'Nothing' Irving says. 'Well then, what do you call it?' Asked John.> 'Downtown Dallas.'
>
>
>
> _________________
>
>
>
>Doctor's Orders
>
> A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we
> put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most
>
> of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks
> corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat
> diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm
> caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing
> that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat.
> Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and
> suffering for years after eating it?'
>
>
>
> After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in
> the front row, raised his hand and said, 'Vedding Cake?'
>
>
>
> __________________________
>
>
>Miracle Cure
>
>
> Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis
> had waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely
> bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her
> turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and,amazingly,
> emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her
> head held high.> A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to
> the little old lady and said, 'It's a miracle! You walked in bent in
> half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?'> She answered, 'Miracle, shmiracle . . . he gave me a longer cane.

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There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other

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Agreed. Thus, honor, not automatic biological love, is mandated in the 3rd C from Sinai.

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Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008

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Disagreed. There is no alternative to Creationism from a scientific POV. It is the theologies, not Genesis, which are in disarray.

I was going to chide you for misplacing your post but then I saw the humour in it.

The apparent sarcastic quote was in response to a question : Edited by bluescat48, : misplaced punct

I think I've found an exception to Rule 34:

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Been too busy to participate lately...

Musaceae Bris!

You'd think so, but I remember this documentary involving a New York madame and a cheese grater

Do you think koala farts smell like cough drops?

HA!A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten".We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic faintedIf you're not sure what a 710 is......7l0.Edited by IamJoseph, : No reason given.

I love Steve Martin. Wasn't for sure to post this in the humor or the music that moves you thread. Enjoy.

Hail! the Blues, Hail! Rock 'n Roll!!!!!

Actually, that's not true. For example, there are the songs written by Dan Barker, former fundamentalist minister and songwriter, now "America's Leading Atheist" and co-president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF). I once heard his "You Can't Win with Original Sin" on the radio (back when Atheists United still had their 15 minutes of air-time once a week); as I recall, it ends with something like "If your god can damn me, then he can damn you just as easily too." I also found one of his songs on YouTube, It's Only Natural.Here's the list of his songs on Dan Barker's FFRF bio page -- two of the songs are available for free download:

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"The Battle of Church & State" [free download]
"We, The People"
"Friendly, Neighborhood Atheist"
"Just Say NO To Religion"
"Nothing Fails Like Prayer"
"Beware of Dogma"
"Salt Lake City Blues" (with Steve Benson) [free download]
"God-Less America" (with Steve Benson, music Irving Berlin)
"Sunday Morning Blues"
"The Freethinker Blues"
"Why BSA?" (co-written with Steve Benson)
"None of the Above"
"My Father's House"
"Lucifer's Lament"
"Freedom From Religion"
"You Can't Win With Original Sin"
"Blood Brothers"
"I Don't Need Jesus"
"No Hurry To Die"
"Life Is Good!"
"Higher Mind"
"Promise of Dawn" (co-written with Juanice Charmaine)
"The World Is My Country" (based on Thomas Paine)
"No Gods, No Masters" (tribute to Margaret Sanger)
"Love" (words by Robert G. Ingersoll)
"God's Grandeur" (words by Philip Appleman)
"Summers of Love" (words by Philip Appleman)
"The Time To Be Happy Is Now" (based on Robert G. Ingersoll)
"The Trinity" (words by Robert G. Ingersoll)
"The World's Need" (poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox)
"Solstice Tribute" (new lyrics to "Little Town of Bethlehem")
"Benediction" (poem by Sherry Matulis)
"Adrift on a Star" (lyrics by Yip Harburg)
"Somewhere Over the Paper Moon" (lyrics by Yip Harburg)
"In a Dark Time" (lyrics by Philip Appleman)

​

Dan composed and produced "The Stay-Away Pope Polka," a protest song played by radio stations and sung by protest groups across the country when the pope visited America in 1987 and 1993. His 2007 song "It's Only Natural" won a spot on the Madison-Made Project for the Homeless compilation CD.

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As for Steve Martin's line of "atheists watch football ... " Nope, sorry, hell no! I'm not a believer!