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Author Topic:   Humour VII
Heathen
Member (Idle past 1283 days)
Posts: 1067
From: Brizzle
Joined: 09-20-2005


(2)
Message 166 of 1042 (657498)
03-29-2012 5:17 AM
Reply to: Message 164 by rueh
03-28-2012 3:43 PM


Re: Word play
this reminds me of the Uxbridge English dictionary which originates on a radio panel show called "I'm sorry I don't have a clue" on BBC radio4
http://www.alspcs.com/main.html
here's a few samples:
Abominable
To initate the countdown timer on an explosive device.
Algorism
Well known saying of an American enviromental campaigner.
Artichoke
An allergy to paintings.
Herbivore
An animal that only eats Volks Wagon Beetles.
Kindred
Fear of one's own family.
Thinking
A slim monarch.

This message is a reply to:
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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


(1)
Message 167 of 1042 (657605)
03-29-2012 3:01 PM
Reply to: Message 164 by rueh
03-28-2012 3:43 PM


Re: Word play
Protagonist: someone who thinks everything should be tagged.
Molecular: icky like a mole.
Operatunist: someone that listens to opera.
Problematical: problems that can only be dealt with in attics.
Enjoy.

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

This message is a reply to:
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Replies to this message:
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onifre
Member (Idle past 2950 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(2)
Message 168 of 1042 (657613)
03-29-2012 3:41 PM


7 years ago tomorrow (March 30th)
Still miss him. Coolest voice in comedy.
- Oni

ringo
Member (Idle past 411 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 169 of 1042 (657647)
03-29-2012 5:20 PM
Reply to: Message 167 by RAZD
03-29-2012 3:01 PM


Re: Word play
RAZD writes:
Operatunist: someone that listens to opera.
Piano Tuna: fish 'n' musician

This message is a reply to:
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Replies to this message:
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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 170 of 1042 (657649)
03-29-2012 5:34 PM
Reply to: Message 169 by ringo
03-29-2012 5:20 PM


Re: Word play ... when?
thought it seemed familiar
WPM Invitational | Word Play Masters
Enjoy

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

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New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


(2)
Message 171 of 1042 (657650)
03-29-2012 5:37 PM
Reply to: Message 164 by rueh
03-28-2012 3:43 PM


Redneck Medical Terms
Benign....................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria..................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium....................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.....A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan...................Searching for the cat.
Cauterize.................Made eye contact with her.
Colic........................A sheep dog.
Coma......................A punctuation mark.
D&C........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live longer than your kids do.
Enema....................Not a friend.
Fester.....................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
G.I.Series................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail........... ......What you hang your coat on.
Hospital..................The biggest building in town
Impotent.................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...............Getting hurt at work.
Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..................Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff...........A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node......................I knew it.
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear..............A fatherhood test.
Pelvis.....................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.......Place to do upholstery.
Secretion................Hiding something
Tablet.....................A small table to change babies on.
Seizure...................Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.
Terminal Illness.......Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor.....................More than one.
Urine......................Opposite of mine.
Varicose.................Near by.

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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 172 of 1042 (657651)
03-29-2012 5:42 PM
Reply to: Message 170 by RAZD
03-29-2012 5:34 PM


Re: Word play ... when?
Microorganism - the belief in very fine scale organizing of things to assist micromanagement
Enjoy

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

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1.61803
Member (Idle past 1503 days)
Posts: 2928
From: Lone Star State USA
Joined: 02-19-2004


(1)
Message 173 of 1042 (657791)
03-30-2012 1:46 PM


There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play Golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.
He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with."
There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself.
He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'
He said, 'I'm NOT happy. My balls itch."

"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs

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New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


(1)
Message 174 of 1042 (657800)
03-30-2012 3:01 PM
Reply to: Message 173 by 1.61803
03-30-2012 1:46 PM


Its like this guy in handcuffs:
http://youtu.be/fqjWW-sahMg
quote:
Won't scratch my nuts?
Can I scratch my nuts?

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 Message 173 by 1.61803, posted 03-30-2012 1:46 PM 1.61803 has not replied

Percy
Member
Posts: 22388
From: New Hampshire
Joined: 12-23-2000
Member Rating: 5.2


(4)
Message 175 of 1042 (657837)
03-31-2012 8:10 AM


Voting Republican
--Percy

Granny Magda
Member
Posts: 2462
From: UK
Joined: 11-12-2007
Member Rating: 4.0


(2)
Message 176 of 1042 (657844)
03-31-2012 9:39 AM
Reply to: Message 164 by rueh
03-28-2012 3:43 PM


Re: Word play
Countryside - to kill Piers Morgan.
Mutate and Survive

This message is a reply to:
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Replies to this message:
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Jon
Inactive Member


(1)
Message 177 of 1042 (657847)
03-31-2012 10:31 AM


The Man who Won the Mega Millions... (NSFW!!)
This is what the man who won the mega millions did with his money...
While leaving the bank, having just cashed his check of many checks, he sees a beautiful woman pass him with the most lovely breasts he's ever seen. "Oh beautiful woman," he says, "I just have to bite those nipples... I'll pay you $100 if you let me bite your nipples!"
"Ewe... no way!" She keeps walking. He runs around the block to catch up with her at the corner. When they meet again, he asks her: "Oh... will you let me bite them for $1000!?"
"Hey... listen here, pal. I'm not that kind of woman," she says. "The answer is still 'no'". She begins crossing the street and continues down the next block. Again the man circles the block to catch up to her at the next corner.
"I'm serious, buddy", the woman starts in.
"But I'll pay you $10,000 if you let me bite them!"
Ten thousand dollars? She begins to think to herself, that sure is an awful lot of money...
"What the hell," she says. "But not here... not where everyone can see us. Let's go in this ally over here." They walk together into the ally where she removes her shirt and lifts her bra. As the man had anticipated, she has the most beautiful breasts he's ever seen with absolutely amazing nipples.
He begins caressing the woman's breasts. Rubbing them. Squeezing them. He puts his face in between them. He holds them. A few minutes pass... the woman begins to get impatient.
"Hey now, I'm in somewhat of a hurry," she says, "are you gonna hurry up and bite these things or not?"
"Nah..." replies the man, "that costs too much."
Edited by Jon, : No reason given.

Love your enemies!

RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 178 of 1042 (657857)
03-31-2012 12:32 PM
Reply to: Message 176 by Granny Magda
03-31-2012 9:39 AM


Re: Word play
counterstrike - to slam down on the bar surface.

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 176 by Granny Magda, posted 03-31-2012 9:39 AM Granny Magda has seen this message but not replied

Phat
Member
Posts: 18262
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 179 of 1042 (657947)
04-01-2012 8:43 AM


Registration, Batman?
Edited by Phat, : fixed link

nwr
Member
Posts: 6408
From: Geneva, Illinois
Joined: 08-08-2005
Member Rating: 5.1


(1)
Message 180 of 1042 (657971)
04-01-2012 12:32 PM


Attack ads in politics

Jesus was a liberal hippie

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