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Author Topic:   Humour VII
bluescat48
Member (Idle past 4190 days)
Posts: 2347
From: United States
Joined: 10-06-2007


Message 241 of 1042 (661091)
05-02-2012 1:25 AM
Reply to: Message 240 by frako
05-01-2012 7:18 PM


Actually the monkeys seem more human than creationists do.

There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002
Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969
Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008

This message is a reply to:
 Message 240 by frako, posted 05-01-2012 7:18 PM frako has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 242 by dwise1, posted 05-02-2012 1:29 AM bluescat48 has replied

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 242 of 1042 (661092)
05-02-2012 1:29 AM
Reply to: Message 241 by bluescat48
05-02-2012 1:25 AM


I dunno! Have you ever looked at Duane Gish or Ken Ham?
Oops! OK, point very well taken. Especially considering what Duane Gish and Ken Ham look like.
Edited by dwise1, : Oops!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 241 by bluescat48, posted 05-02-2012 1:25 AM bluescat48 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 244 by bluescat48, posted 05-03-2012 9:55 PM dwise1 has not replied

RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


(1)
Message 243 of 1042 (661105)
05-02-2012 7:46 AM


Forbidden
Enjoy

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

bluescat48
Member (Idle past 4190 days)
Posts: 2347
From: United States
Joined: 10-06-2007


Message 244 of 1042 (661278)
05-03-2012 9:55 PM
Reply to: Message 242 by dwise1
05-02-2012 1:29 AM


good point

There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002
Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969
Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008

This message is a reply to:
 Message 242 by dwise1, posted 05-02-2012 1:29 AM dwise1 has not replied

rueh
Member (Idle past 3661 days)
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


(3)
Message 245 of 1042 (661429)
05-05-2012 12:22 PM


courtroom humor
It must be so hard to be a courtroom reporter and keep a straight face.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS:None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff

anglagard
Member (Idle past 837 days)
Posts: 2339
From: Socorro, New Mexico USA
Joined: 03-18-2006


Message 246 of 1042 (661457)
05-05-2012 8:52 PM


I Feel a Disturbance in the Force

Read not to contradict and confute, not to believe and take for granted, not to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. - Francis Bacon

Replies to this message:
 Message 247 by Granny Magda, posted 05-05-2012 9:01 PM anglagard has not replied

Granny Magda
Member
Posts: 2462
From: UK
Joined: 11-12-2007
Member Rating: 4.0


Message 247 of 1042 (661458)
05-05-2012 9:01 PM
Reply to: Message 246 by anglagard
05-05-2012 8:52 PM


Re: I Feel a Disturbance in the Force
Mutate and Survive

This message is a reply to:
 Message 246 by anglagard, posted 05-05-2012 8:52 PM anglagard has not replied

fearandloathing
Member (Idle past 4145 days)
Posts: 990
From: Burlington, NC, USA
Joined: 02-24-2011


Message 248 of 1042 (661599)
05-08-2012 1:22 PM


Student dressed as Jesus earns atheist scholarship
quote:
SPRING HILL, Tenn. — A Tennessee high school student has been awarded a $1,000 scholarship by an atheist group for dressing like Jesus Christ on the school's "fictional character day."
USA Today
Too funny...

"No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten."
Hunter S. Thompson
Ad astra per aspera
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

Replies to this message:
 Message 249 by Artemis Entreri, posted 05-08-2012 8:02 PM fearandloathing has replied

Artemis Entreri 
Suspended Member (Idle past 4229 days)
Posts: 1194
From: Northern Virginia
Joined: 07-08-2008


Message 249 of 1042 (661633)
05-08-2012 8:02 PM
Reply to: Message 248 by fearandloathing
05-08-2012 1:22 PM


Re: Student dressed as Jesus earns atheist scholarship
well that is atheists for you, rocking the boat and promoting hate.
its always funny when they show their true colors, thanks for the laugh.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 248 by fearandloathing, posted 05-08-2012 1:22 PM fearandloathing has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 250 by fearandloathing, posted 05-08-2012 8:16 PM Artemis Entreri has replied
 Message 251 by Panda, posted 05-08-2012 10:07 PM Artemis Entreri has not replied

fearandloathing
Member (Idle past 4145 days)
Posts: 990
From: Burlington, NC, USA
Joined: 02-24-2011


(1)
Message 250 of 1042 (661637)
05-08-2012 8:16 PM
Reply to: Message 249 by Artemis Entreri
05-08-2012 8:02 PM


Re: Student dressed as Jesus earns atheist scholarship
GFY

"No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten."
Hunter S. Thompson
Ad astra per aspera
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 249 by Artemis Entreri, posted 05-08-2012 8:02 PM Artemis Entreri has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 261 by Artemis Entreri, posted 05-15-2012 9:47 AM fearandloathing has seen this message but not replied

Panda
Member (Idle past 3713 days)
Posts: 2688
From: UK
Joined: 10-04-2010


(3)
Message 251 of 1042 (661643)
05-08-2012 10:07 PM
Reply to: Message 249 by Artemis Entreri
05-08-2012 8:02 PM


Re: Student dressed as Jesus earns atheist scholarship
AE writes:
well that is atheists for you, rocking the boat and promoting hate.
its always funny when they show their true colors, thanks for the laugh.
The only person rocking the boat and promoted hate is you.
Your hypocrisy is noted.

Tradition and heritage are all dead people's baggage. Stop carrying it!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 249 by Artemis Entreri, posted 05-08-2012 8:02 PM Artemis Entreri has not replied

fearandloathing
Member (Idle past 4145 days)
Posts: 990
From: Burlington, NC, USA
Joined: 02-24-2011


Message 252 of 1042 (661708)
05-09-2012 2:45 PM


Against Obama, even a jailbird gets some votes
quote:
CHARLESTON, W.Va. Just how unpopular is President Barack Obama in some parts of the country? Enough that a man in prison in Texas got 4 out of 10 votes in West Virginia's Democratic presidential primary.
The inmate, Keith Judd, is serving time at the Federal Correctional Institution in Texarkana, Texas, for making threats at the University of New Mexico in 1999. Obama received 59 percent of the vote to Judd's 41 percent.
Times News
Disturbingly funny....
LOVE that mullet....

"No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten."
Hunter S. Thompson
Ad astra per aspera
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

fearandloathing
Member (Idle past 4145 days)
Posts: 990
From: Burlington, NC, USA
Joined: 02-24-2011


Message 253 of 1042 (661716)
05-09-2012 4:15 PM


Fruit Of The BOOM
quote:
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Al-Qaida designed a bomb to slip inside form-fitting, brief-style underwear in hopes it would go undetected even if the bomber received an airport pat-down, officials said Wednesday, describing a plot they said was directly overseen by a high-level al-Qaida leader in Yemen.
I bet they were going to market them under the Fruit Of The BOOM brand.

"No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten."
Hunter S. Thompson
Ad astra per aspera
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(2)
Message 254 of 1042 (662121)
05-12-2012 1:53 PM


Classic Star Trek
Dialogue from a cartoon that says it all:
STRANGE NEW WORLDS by Paul Gadzikowski, From Stardate, December 1984:
quote:
Captain's Log, Stardate 5486.7: The Enterprise is on standard exploratory patrol in the Gamma Delta Iota system.
Spock: I am scanning a form of energy with which I am not familiar; it's definitely artificial in origin.
Kirk: Aw, nuts.
McCoy: "NUTS"?
Kirk: I can only swear in novelizations, Bones, you know that.
But I can see it now. Energy Spock's never seen means you, he and I will beam down to investigate, along with a security guard who'll immediately get killed.
McCoy: And/or an officer who'll get killed before we leave.
Spock: We will be pursued and captured by natives who will take our communicators.
Uhura: The energy field will inhibit communications anyway, so I'll have nothing to do.
Scotty: An' if the energy field doesn'a drain the dilithium crystals so we canna beam you up, the Klingons'll show up wantin' the planet and we'll have to raise the shields so we canna beam you up.
Spock: There will be a side effect of the energy field that will break my Vulcan mental barriers and cause me to act emotionally.
Kirk: The native ruler will be a pretty girl with a hots for one of us.
McCoy: And if it's you, won't you have fun!
Kirk: And if I'm real lucky I'll get to talk a computer into destroying itself!
Everybody gets a really good laugh.
Spock: Captain, I recommend that we skip this one.
McCoy: Yeah. We already know all about it.
Kirk: Right. Next planet, Sulu.
Kind of the same feeling we get every time a new creationist joins the forum?

Replies to this message:
 Message 259 by Shield, posted 05-14-2012 2:59 PM dwise1 has not replied

Taz
Member (Idle past 3292 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


(1)
Message 255 of 1042 (662131)
05-12-2012 5:02 PM


Speaking of disturbingly funny...

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