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Author Topic:   Humor: "If atheism is a belief then ..."
glowby
Member
Posts: 75
From: Fox River Grove, IL
Joined: 05-29-2010


(1)
Message 1 of 32 (665799)
06-18-2012 2:39 AM


In various forums where fundamentalist Christians face (or think they're facing) atheists, one of them will inevitably say, "atheism is a belief", to which atheists sometimes respond with, "If atheism is a belief then not collecting stamps is a hobby" or "...bald is a hair color."
I got a good chuckle out of these the first times I heard them. So I searched for more, and solicited other forum-goers for suggestions, and I tried to come up with some of my own. I built this list (below). I'd like to see what punch lines you all can come up with. If you have new ones, or can suggest revisions to ones in the list, or think ones should be struck from the list, please respond.
Not collecting stamps is a hobby.
Bald is a hair color.
Water is a flavor of soup.
Off is a TV channel.
Ignorance is a field of expertise.
Starvation is a food group.
Death is an alternative lifestyle.
Blindness is an optical illusion.
"Go away!" is a pick-up line.
Virginity is a method of reproduction.
Barefoot is a kind of footwear.
Silence is a noise.
Paralysis is a dance.
Homelessness is a real estate holding.
Unconsciousness is a train of thought.
Dry-mouth is a drinking problem.
Taxidermy is veterinary care.
Counting to zero is a mathematical exercise.
Being broke is an accounting problem.
Naked is an outfit.
Missing the boat is a sea voyage.
Indifference is a way to show you care.
Sleeping is an exercise regimen.
Creationism is a science.

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RAZD
Member (Idle past 1405 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 2 of 32 (665800)
06-18-2012 2:41 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by glowby
06-18-2012 2:39 AM


Ignorance is knowledge

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

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Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 284 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


Message 3 of 32 (665801)
06-18-2012 2:54 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by glowby
06-18-2012 2:39 AM


That would be a reply to "atheism is a religion". It is or at least can be a belief. So is "I have pants on". It's a broad term.
That said, I like some of your responses, especially ""Go away!" is a pick-up line."

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xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2578
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 6.8


(2)
Message 4 of 32 (665802)
06-18-2012 2:58 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by RAZD
06-18-2012 2:41 AM


My brother puts forth:
Ignorance is knowledge
Yes but I might rephrase it thus:
Ignorance is a valid, acceptable and balanced form of knowledge
Rock on.
Edited by xongsmith, : fix

- xongsmith, 5.7d

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frako
Member (Idle past 306 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


(2)
Message 5 of 32 (665805)
06-18-2012 3:20 AM
Reply to: Message 3 by Dr Adequate
06-18-2012 2:54 AM


That said, I like some of your responses, especially ""Go away!" is a pick-up line."
If the chick is really drunk it can be a pick-up line.

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
Click if you dare!

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ScientificBob
Member (Idle past 4263 days)
Posts: 48
From: Antwerp, Belgium
Joined: 03-29-2011


Message 6 of 32 (665815)
06-18-2012 9:40 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by glowby
06-18-2012 2:39 AM


Fun list
My personal favorite:
"Healthy" is a desease.

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Jon
Inactive Member


Message 7 of 32 (665818)
06-18-2012 10:40 AM


Atheism is certainly a belief, in the same way not preferring bananas is a preference.
Edited by Jon, : No reason given.

Love your enemies!

  
Taq
Member
Posts: 9973
Joined: 03-06-2009
Member Rating: 5.7


Message 8 of 32 (665819)
06-18-2012 10:45 AM


You left off one of the classics:
If Atheism is a religion, then not playing golf is a sport.

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Jon
Inactive Member


(2)
Message 9 of 32 (665824)
06-18-2012 11:06 AM
Reply to: Message 8 by Taq
06-18-2012 10:45 AM


... then not playing golf is a sport.
As if playing golf is?

Love your enemies!

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Phat
Member
Posts: 18262
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.1


Message 10 of 32 (665828)
06-18-2012 11:20 AM
Reply to: Message 9 by Jon
06-18-2012 11:06 AM


Humanity alone in the multiverse
Atheism is a belief in oneself. We just don't deify ourselves consciously.

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vimesey
Member
Posts: 1398
From: Birmingham, England
Joined: 09-21-2011


(1)
Message 11 of 32 (665830)
06-18-2012 11:33 AM
Reply to: Message 10 by Phat
06-18-2012 11:20 AM


Re: Humanity alone in the multiverse
We just don't deify ourselves consciously.
Well, I do have a god-like physique.
(Albeit Buddha's)

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dronestar
Member
Posts: 1407
From: usa
Joined: 11-19-2008


Message 12 of 32 (665831)
06-18-2012 11:48 AM
Reply to: Message 11 by vimesey
06-18-2012 11:33 AM


Re: Humanity alone in the multiverse
vimesey writes:
Well, I do have a god-like physique. (Albeit Buddha's)
I think you MIGHT erroneously be referring to the Laughing Buddha, Budai (not a god).
quote:
Many Westerners confuse Budai with Gautama Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha).
Budai was an eccentric Chn monk who lived in China during the Later Liang Dynasty.
Budai - Wikipedia
Edited by dronester, : fixed quotes

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vimesey
Member
Posts: 1398
From: Birmingham, England
Joined: 09-21-2011


Message 13 of 32 (665832)
06-18-2012 11:52 AM
Reply to: Message 12 by dronestar
06-18-2012 11:48 AM


Re: Humanity alone in the multiverse
I think you MIGHT erroneously be referring to the Laughing Buddha, Budai (not a god).
Ah well, looks like I'm even less god-like then

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ringo
Member (Idle past 412 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 14 of 32 (665838)
06-18-2012 12:29 PM
Reply to: Message 10 by Phat
06-18-2012 11:20 AM


Re: Humanity alone in the multiverse
Phat writes:
We just don't deify ourselves consciously.
I'm currently in a debate over at Evolution Fairy Tale where I'm clearly and correctly billed as an agnostic. I am not deifying myself consciously but I am comparing myself to God in that I'm not absolutely sure that either of us exists.

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PaulK
Member
Posts: 17822
Joined: 01-10-2003
Member Rating: 2.2


Message 15 of 32 (665842)
06-18-2012 1:06 PM
Reply to: Message 10 by Phat
06-18-2012 11:20 AM


Re: Humanity alone in the multiverse
quote:
Atheism is a belief in oneself. We just don't deify ourselves consciously.
I don't get that impression. Creationists seem to have a far stronger belief in themselves. Just look at how often they put forward their ill-informed opinions as facts.

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