Well my father was the founder and president of the 'atheists who go to church' movement. Unfortunately my mother became the leading light of the 'atheists who go to Mosques' splinter group. I can assure you that there is nothing like a schism in the family to confuse a young mind and this resulted in my own ill-fated attempt to start the 'atheists who believe in God freemarket collective'. After seeing the error of my ways I decided to drop the word 'collective' and replace it with 'troupe' but for reasons I still can't explain the whole thing never caught on. Myself and Jake the juggler were the only ever members.
Having learned the harsh lesson of failure I decided to pull myself up by my bootstraps. Thus I came to London with broken laces and ill fitting shoes. Upon arriving I set out to make my fortune by utilising the method of time-travel I had discovered in my teenage years. Alas this also ended in failure when it became apparent that the phenomena of 'time acceleration' after a heavy session of liquor consumption wasn't being experienced by everyone else. So whilst time would magically surge forward for me, one moment singing "my old man's a nihilistic contravarian dustman" and the next waking up 3 Earth days later wearing an orange tutu and laying in a pile of my own vomit - Apparently it wasn't doing so for everyone else.
This notion of 'subjective reality' and the realisation that the world is perfectly capable of carrying on for others in my absence came as quite a shock I can tell you. As a result I joined a cult. However due to my natural charisma and leadership qualities I soon became the leader of this cult. Deposing the only other member (the aforementioned Jake the juggler) in the process.
So it was that Jake and I shaved our heads, scrotums, nipples and bellybuttons in a selfless act of hair-deprivation. However our relentless pursuit of the hirsute in an effort to expand membership of my cult eventually resulted in a jail spell (long story short - it turned out not to be a giant pubic braid)
It was in jail that I learnt a terrible truth. Jake the juggler was a figment of my imagination. An imaginary friend. My entire world came crashing down. Not only were both the 'atheists who believe in God freemarket collective' and 'atheists who believe in God freemarket troupe' technically misnomers but to cap it all I was the leader of a cult of one who had at one point been the non-leader of a cult of one.
Anyway - Years of therapy later I was released back into the world where I discovered EvC and became the hedgehog I am today.
I still light a candle in Jake's memory every Christmas and occasionally I even burn a pube to invoke those feeling of nostalgia regarding the good times of old.
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